Friday, December 31, 2004

Where would you hide a moose?

I found this picture hanging around in my digital camera and thought I'd share it. I have posted it along with others over at my Buzznet page.

This seemed like a good excuse to remind everyone about my photos on Buzznet.

I will probably put some sort of a photo gallery on this site at some point, but I will also keep using Buzznet for all the little things. Besides, I can post to it easily from anywhere which I might not be able to do in a gallery here.

We'll see how things progress.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

One angry man

In my earlier post I mentioned how my emotions had been heightened last night. Well, today wasn't much better. Only there was a significant difference...

Today I felt angry.

Not about anything in particular, just angry. Varying from a low simmer to a raging boil. From wanting to be left alone to wanting to put my fist through a wall. I didn't damage anything and just stuck with spending the day alone.

A don't know what I will be doing tomorrow night for New Year's Eve. I just hope that I can get whatever this is under better control before I do it.

My sister (by mutual consent) is having a housewarming which I am welcome to attend, only I am a couple thousand miles too far away to make it. I wish I could though.

I hope you all have something good planned and will not just be spending the night drinking alone.

Rough Night

Last night was a rough night for a couple of different reasons. My sinuses were acting up making it hard for me to breathe properly... My bloodsugar level was about 80 points higher than it should have been... And, to top it off, at 4am I was awake with tears in my eyes.

When my bloodsugar is that far off it can throw my system off as well. That includes physically, mentally, and emotionally. Especially emotionally. So that was definitely part of what happened about 4am, but certainly not all of it. Something had to be the trigger. When your (my) emotions get heightened like that it only heightens what is already there, it generally doesn't cause new feelings, although it can bring out feelings that you were trying to hide from yourself.

I'm not saying that I was trying to hide anything from myself, but then again, if I was would I have even known?

Granted, I do know there are a couple of things which have been weighing on my mind. I didn't think they were weighing that much...

I don't know if they were the cause or if there was something else.

Once I figure out how much of it I can post here I'll do it. I'd post some of it now, but there are other people involved and I don't want to cause problems for them.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Name Calling

I stopped to do some Christmas shopping on my way home from work tonight and couldn't believe what happened.

I asked one of the store assistants a couple of questions and then was able to figure out the rest based on her answers. And she said "You are a smart young man."

Can you believe it? It has been several a couple of years since any one referred to me as a "young man."

Well, at least it was said without any sarcasm. And it gave me feel good, if only for a moment, amid all the hassles that are Holiday Shopping™.

If this had happened over the weekend or earlier I might have said that it was the bright spot of my day. However, there has been a change this week which has caused a turn for the better. I don't want to say too much right now, so I'll just leave you all guessing what it could be. I'll just see where it goes.

And I'll hope things keep looking as good as they have for the last two days.

Walk in Beauty.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Cane Or Able?

My legs have been bothering me for a while now. Mainly it has been my knees acting up. Several times to the point where I needed to pull out my cane for the day. I guess all the drastic changes in the weather lately have been aggravating them.

Today was the second day in a row that we had good weather, and the first day in a quite a while that my knees actually felt good. It made for a nice change.

So tonight I went out for a walk and my knees held up pretty good, a little shaky but not too bad. However, my hip and back started to feel a little strained.

Partly it goes back to the hermitting I was doing. I was feeling depressed and wanted to keep to myself. The best way to do that was to just stay in.

Of course there is also the fact that when I was walking I was using a cane and therefore using slightly different muscles and using them in a different way. I just need to keep walking to make sure I get everything back the way it should be.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

The 'lack of stories' story.

I know it has been a while since I posted. I am going to try to post more regularly, but don't hold me to that just yet. It is going to be a New Year's Resolution so I have a couple of weeks yet.

Anyway, there has been a lot going on at work lately, but not much else. A whole lot of nothing. It doesn't help that I was "hermitting" again. I did go see "Saw". I had heard good things about it, and it was an excuse to get out of the house.

All I will say about the movie for now is that I liked it. It is a very well done movie and doesn't try to give itself a typical "Hollywood" ending. When the movie ends there have been actual consequences for all the characters.

Anyway, this was just intended as a quick post to let people know that I am still alive, and still here. I still owe you a couple of stories. Ones I mentioned in comments on Scary Duck's blog. [Editor: A very good, and highly recommended blog.] and maybe a couple of other places. If you know of any I said I would post, or just any you would like to read, leave me comments below. I will post the stories eventually.

So I am still breathing, when my sinuses are clear enough. I am going to bed now, but I will be back soon.

Friday, November 12, 2004

No, there's no irony in this.

From Reuters News Service (Link goes to full article)

WWII Soldier Killed at Parade Honoring Veterans

BOSTON (Reuters) - William Hammond survived one of the bloodiest battles of World War II but died at a parade honoring him and others after a van at a Veteran's Day parade ran over him.

This happened just a mile or two up to road from where I work.

And to add to the irony, the van in question is owned by the local Veterans of Foreign Wars chapter.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Remembrance Day

Last year I posted two poems which everyone should go and (re)read. They are In Flanders Field and In Fields of Flanders.


My grandfather was born at the end of 1899 and was in both World Wars. Other friends and relatives have served in those wars and every one since. [*Edit: At least the wars which directly involved Canada and/or the United States. *] Some of them were not necessarily on the side you might expect. As an example, I knew at least one person who was served in the German Army around the time of World War II. I don't know if he served or fought during that war, only that at one time around then he was in the German army serving his mandatory service. Since he only served the mandatory tour of duty for the country where he was born and didn't talk about it, I don't know any more than that. I had known him as a friend's grandfather, who happened to live in our neighbourhood, for a long time before I ever learned that he was German or what that could have meant.

All of this helps me remember that ALL of the soldiers are people. Even if we think that the one side or the other is "evil" that might only apply to the leaders (if it applies to anyone), the individual soldiers might not agree with the leaders, but are sometimes forced to serve anyway.

What does that have to do with anything going on today?

Nothing. And everything.

Today is a day set aside for remembering all those who serve and have served. But we should not limit ourselves to only this one day.

And as it pertains to the fighting that is going on today... We need to remember that "the enemy" is also made up of people. Yes, some of them probably are very bad people who need to be stopped. But some of them may not believe in what they are being forced to fight for, and others may only be defending themselves.

[I imagine I will get a few negative comments on this post.]

Lest we forget...

Sunday, October 31, 2004

Happy Halloween

Halloween used to be one of my favourite times of the year but then things happened which changed it all. Now I am starting to put some of it behind me and can enjoy Halloween again even if I don't go all out about it any more. I am not going to go into all of it tonight, but I will tell you the story of the straw that broke the camel's back.

I used to go to haunted houses whenever I had the chance and then a few years back I started working at one. I worked two or three nights a week for the duration of the season, the month of October, at least until the owners decided that I wasn't allowed to work there anymore. The reason they gave was that I was too scary.

So I was too scary to work at some place called "The Haunted Mansion" whose whole purpose was to scare people.

Yeah, it made that much sense to me as well.

Now, the part of it which really upset me and turned me off the whole thing wasn't that they decided not to let me work there any more, what pissed me off was that I heard about it when other people who worked there started contacting me and saying "I heard what happened and I'm sorry." To which my reply was "What the hell are you talking about?"

Eventually I was able to piece together the story, no thanks to the owners or operators of the house. I called and emailed them but they would not respond. Nothing. They acknowledged my attempts to friends of mine, but that was it.

Apparently it was one parent who complained and had me removed from the house. She said I scared her daughter too much. Since the owners of the house wouldn't talk to me, let alone listen to my side of things, I am going to tell you what happened.

The girl in question came through and I did my job and tried to scare her. At this point her only reaction was to threaten to "mace" me. She then immediately reached into her purse, pulled out a small spray canister, and sprayed me in the face. Needless to say I was caught off guard and it took a couple of seconds before I realized it wasn't mace, pepper spray, or anything like that. It was perfume.

I don't think I have to say that I was not happy with this girl. So I pulled out the stops, without breaking any of the house rules (I didn't touch, trap, or block her in any way) and gave her a scare. Adding my anger into the mix was enough to actually scare her and while she left the one area, she did not leave the house. I know this because she came back later and mouthed off some more. This got a scowl as a reply but nothing else. I knew that if I did more I would have used language which would have made a gangsta rapper blush. Safer to not say anything. But as it turns out not safe either.

And that was the end of that.

That was three years ago and this weekend was the first time I have been back. I was back there as a customer, and to see friends of mine who still work there. I had seen these friends in the meantime, I work with one of them, but I hadn't seen them in this environment. It is too late for me to go into what happened, but I will say that I enjoyed it. Look for that story in the coming week.

In the meantime I am off to bed and, hopefully, to sleep.


Thursday, October 28, 2004

Can a Narcoleptic get Insomnia?

As those of you I talk to personally may know, I have been having trouble sleeping for a while. This happens to me from time to time and has recently come back.

It has been going on for a while and I have talked to my doctor about it. She gave me some advice along with a list of things to do which should help. This list includes some standard things like "Don't ingest any thing containing caffeine past noon", "Maintain constant bed/wake times even when you don't have to get up", etc. Some of these are common sense (although that doesn't mean I was doing them) while others I never would have thought of. I am doing my best to follow them.

She also gave me a prescription for a "sleep aid" with the caveat not to take it every night. She said I should only take it when things get too bad. If you take it too much you can become dependent on it.

I think I'll be taking it tonight, and possibly for the weekend as well.

For the past couple of weeks I have been getting about 3-4 hours of sleep a night during the week and then getting 10-12 hours a night on the weekend. None of this sleep has been very restful. And now it has gotten to the point where I can barely sleep at night and can barely stay awake during the day.

I feel like I have insomnia and narcolepsy at the same time. If I lie down I'm awake. If I sit or stand I can't keep my eyes open.

It's enough to drive a sane man round the bend, and I am making no claims as to which side of that bend I was on when this started.

Maybe I should just try sleeping in a nice comfy chair instead of lying in bed tonight. However, while getting to sleep tonight might be difficult, I think getting out of bed at the normal (read: workday) time over the weekend will be even more difficult.

Geez, I feel like taking a nap.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Do the Yankees really suck?

I need to preface this by saying that I am not a big baseball fan and I would much rather watch hockey or curling. However, I do live in Boston these days and have been unable to avoid baseball due to the Red Sox playing for, and now winning, the American League Championship. (Against the New York Yankees for anyone who didn't know, or care.)

Game 7 of the series (Best of 7) was last night and the Red Sox won. Now everyone around me is talking about it today. This is not really surprising since this is one of the bitterest rivalries in any sport. Well, the comments can be summed up in two lines:

About half the people have been saying: "The Red Sox won!"

And about 75% of the people (There is some overlap, I can do math.) have been saying: "Yankees Suck!!"

With a lot of people then continuing by going on about how the Yankees choked, couldn't beat a Little League team, or some even more degrading and disparaging remark.

Not to defend the Yankees, but I watched most of the game and the Yankees didn't play badly, the Red Sox just played that much better.

I guess my point here is that by tearing down the Yankees by going on about how bad they are and how badly they played these Red Sox fans are, in effect, taking credit away from the Red Sox for how well they played.

I have seen this type of behaviour quite a bit, including in several areas outside of sports, and think it is horrible. Constantly tearing down the other side will do nothing for your side. Except lead to the possible diminishment of your side, as I noted above, by taking away due credit.

I guess that is why I try to give credit where, and when, it is due.

Monday, October 11, 2004

I've been thinking too much...

I've had several things on my mind over the last month or two, many of which I was going to write about here. The problem is that they were weighing on me so heavily that I just kept thinking about and analyzing them until they were even less clear than when I started thinking about them.

This is a recurring theme in my life. And now with these in particular, things are so twisted around that I don't even have a starting point from which to write.

I don't know what I am going to do to work all this out, but I am going to try to prevent it in the future. I'm going to try not to over analyze things. If this means writing more short entries instead of working on it and then writing longer ones, so be it.

I am still going to try to avoid talking too much about work here. Also, so far I have avoided talking about politics here for various reasons.

Come to think about it, that may be part of the problem right there. Work and politics have been a large part of what has been weighing me down. Not everything, but a large part. I might rethink this and start posting about politics and work, but who knows. If I do, it is more likely that I will talk politics than work. There have been too many stories of people getting in trouble for posting ANYTHING work-related on the web.

I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I think I can figure it out. It just may take me a while. And a couple of tries.


Saturday, September 11, 2004


Today, September 11, 2004, is an important anniversary. A lot of people out there are talking and writing about one anniversary, but I am talking about a different one. Today is also the anniversary of my coming to the States.

On September 8, 1995 I packed up and left Nova Scotia for a job in Boston, Mass. I drove down, moved into temporary quarters, and three days later, on September 11, I started working at my first job in the United States.

I find it hard to believe I have been living "abroad" for nine years. I have, but it doesn't feel like nine years. Lately it has been feeling like a lot longer. I am not sure how much longer I will stay in the States. Partly because it depends on how much longer the new Bureau of Homeland Security allows me to stay and partly because there are days when I am ready to pack it all in and move back immediately.

Despite what some people have tried to tell me, Canada and the United States are not the same. There are even Americans who tell me that Canada is not a foreign country. I agree with these people, but only because I grew up in Canada so the United States is the foreign country.

I don't know how much longer I will be here. All I can tell you at the moment is that I am not planning on packing up anytime in the next few days. I am not looking beyond that yet.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Vacation '04 — Trip back

I am back at the house and on my way to bed very shortly.

I have don't have detailed statistics this time as the GPS was not on. All I have is a watch and the trip odometer in my truck. According to them I was on the road for around 13.5 hours (I stopped to eat and then to chat with a friend in Maine) and traveled 649.6 miles. This time the conversion is left for all those readers who do use the metric system.

But I am here and thinking it is time to sleep. Hopefully it will still feel that way once I lay down.

There are more posts to come about the vacation and some of the other stuff I have mentioned. I just need to sleep before I attempt to write them. Even then it might be a couple of days.


Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Vacation '04 — Remembrance

Today was spent on the road making a few stops around my childhood.

My mother and I went to the cemetery this afternoon to visit my family's graves. We stopped on the way to pickup some flowers. I was glad to go because it has been years since I had a chance to visit this cemetery and now my grandmother has been laid to rest there as well.

My grandparents are there right next to one another, and my father is only about eight feet away with a plot next to him for my mother. A plot which is going to remain empty for several years yet.

Mom and I cleaned up the graves and left fresh flowers.


I had to take a short break there because I was starting to tear up while writing. I am not going to go any further into that part of the day for now. Maybe I'll come back to it...

Before I go on I want to tell a quick story of my first trip to this cemetery. It was when we were burying my grandfather and I was about eleven years old. Some of us kids started to wander around and look at the other stones. This was just a bunch of kids being bored while the grownups were serious and took care of whatever they were doing. At least that's what it was until I made a discovery which caused some distress.

Imagine you are an eleven year old in a cemetery, with your limited understanding of what is going on, and you find a gravestone with your name on it.

That was the day that I found out that I shared the same name as my great-grandfather. But I still remember that initial shock.


Let's get back to today...

We stopped in to visit my aunt (mentioned in earlier entries) on the way back. She was doing okay, but you could tell that her mind was slipping at times.

The next stop on the way back was Economy Falls. (Did I mention the town is named Economy? The name of the waterfall makes more sense if I mention that.) The area of the falls are beautiful. It helps that Dad and I used to go fishing there when I was a kid and I had only been there once since. Mom had also gone fishing there with Dad, but she hadn't been there since before I was born. It was good to see the area and remember Dad. Although the next stop held more memories of Dad for me.

The next stop was in Pleasant Hills where I have land that I inherited from Dad. At one time there was a cabin on the land. Dad used to spend a lot of time back there during the summer and during hunting season. I used to spend a lot of weekends back there with him as well.

If there is interest I may write about some of the times I spent with my father, but for now it is enough that you know that this area holds a lot of fond memories for me.

That was the second last stop on the trip today. The last one being at a truckstop where we ate supper.

Vacation '04 — Night on the Town

Last night I went out to the Lower Deck to hang out and relax. It is a good place to do that. Especially so when you can walk in and have the bartender remember what you drink and have the band call you by name.

The band playing last night was McGinty, one of my favorite bands. In fact they are playing there tonight as well. They are playing all week. I imagine I'll be back there at least a couple more nights before I head back down to Boston, but not tonight.

I met up with some other people who had just gotten into town from all across Canada. All of us had gotten into town at some point in the preceding 24 hours and had only met at some point during that time as well. There was Jay from Vancouver, Cathy from Edmonton, Chris from Calgary, Joe from just outside Niagara Falls, and me from Halifax but living in Boston. I have a couple of pictures which I will be putting on Buzznet once I have a chance. I haven't had that chance yet.

But here we were, 5 people from all across Canada who have just met, and we hung out and drank together all night. In fact, after the Lower Deck closed we hung around for a while longer, well 4 of us did. Joe had packed it in earlier.

By this time, Cathy had to go and prepare for the presentation she was giving in the morning and Chris was running low as well. So they went their ways while Jay was looking for another bar which was open later. I wanted to grab something to eat and told Jay that I'd show him where some of the other bars were while I went for food.

I pointed out some other bars and dropped him off at the AleHouse which is open until 3:30am. Meanwhile I got a donair and headed home.

It was a good night. Very enjoyable and stress-relieving.

There are several people I still would like to bring up here to show the town, and the Lower Deck. Too many to mention them all, but a few spring to the front and will be singled out. Those being Smulch, Journey, Ulf, Vara and Cwellen.

If you feel you should be on that list, you probably are but weren't in the first few that sprang to mind.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Vacation '04 — Part 1

I didn't get any comments on my previous post so I had to make my own decisions about what to do. I would have anyway, but I was expecting at least a couple of ... shall we say "interesting" ideas.

I should say that I was sick over the weekend and in no condition to drive long distance so I didn't leave until today. And now I am in Nova Scotia and will be here for the week, probably leaving to head back on Sunday.

I want to tell you about a customer service experience I had lately, as well as a couple of things about the trip up. However, I also want to sleep. After I give you some information about the drive, I think you will understand why I am going to leave the rest for a later time.

I had my GPS with me tracking the trip and thought some of the information might be interesting. Keep in mind that the GPS stats cover the entire trip, I did not turn it off or stop the tracking while I pumped gas or stopped to eat.

Total Time: 11 hours, 30 minutes, 54 seconds
Trip Odometer: 1081 kilometers
Average Speed: 93.9 km/h
I am going to leave the conversions to the reader.

As you can tell, I didn't stay still for long. I stopped, pumped gas, used the loo, bought snacks, started driving again.

I have been here for a while now, but need to settle in after the drive, stretch, and wind down before trying to sleep. Otherwise I would not have slept well. But now that I have done this, partly by writing, I am going to lie down and sleep.

I'll write about the other things I mentioned later on. Most likely before I head back.


Monday, August 23, 2004

Vacation '04 — Now Pre-boarding

As I said in my last entry, I have a vacation scheduled. I am taking next week off. Once you factor in weekends and the Labour Day holiday this will give me a full 10 days off work. Actually, the reason I am taking the vacation is so that the days won't be quite as full.

I have been very tired and rundown lately and part of it is due to my getting burnt out at work. It is not that it has gotten any more stressful at work, but for some reason it has been weighing heavier on my lately.

So I am taking the time off, but I don't know what I am going to do yet, or where I am going to do it for that matter. I do know that I will probably head home for at least part of it. Home being Nova Scotia. This will allow me to see my family, friends, and my old haunts.

Other than that, the only plan I have so far is to try to get rested, and to relax.

Any suggestions? Leave comments or email using the links below.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Don't look behind the curtain!

Well, I worked on my journal somewhat this weekend. Made several changes behind the scenes, including the comment system in use. The new system is through HaloScan and includes Trackback as well as Comments.

I switched for several reasons that I am not going to go into right now. However, I will say that I did not do it in order to get trackback, but since I was changing and they offered it, I figured "Why not put it in too?"

I have not had a chance to see if I can get the old comments imported into the new system. If I can import them, I will.

I just realized that it is 1:15am and I have to get up and go to work in the morning. I guess I should go to bed. Hopefully I will be able to get to sleep quickly.

I need time off work. Good thing I got a vacation scheduled. I'll give you more information about that soon.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Still Standing

I was in Blue Hills for a while on Sunday and found that the standing stones I erected over 3 months ago are still there. Actually, I am not sure if they are still standing or if someone else has rebuilt them in the same location in the meantime.

Either way, it is cool to return to a quiet, peaceful place and find standing stones like that. Even if it is an area where you have erected those same stones in the past.

I also did some hiking and geocaching while I was there. Considering how rundown I have been for the past week or so it was good to get out. Bushwhacking and climbing over rocks was just a bonus.

At one point I happened upon a clearing, one whose center was the smooth surface of a buried boulder. On this spot there was a collection of stones which looked to me as if they had been standing at one point but had since fallen. So I stood them.

I will be posting these pictures, as well as a few others at Buzznet. Look for them there.

I mentioned that I have been very rundown for the past week or so. It has been a combination of my insomnia, a touch of some bug, and my bloodsugar being unstable. Of course getting sick and not sleeping will play havoc with anyone's bloodsugar.

This all lead up to me spending most of Saturday in bed fading in and out of restless sleep. Which did seem to help, but it sucked. At least I was feeling good enough after that to get out on Sunday, which I have already told you about above.

Well, that's going to be it for now. I am off to bed, and hopefully to sleep.

Pleasant Dreams.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

It's past time

I don't think I properly thanked everyone for the kind words when my grandmother passed. I know I thanked some individually, but I also know that I missed others. This was not intended as any kind of slight. I just had a lot on my mind [Still do, but different things. — The Editor] and forgot who I thanked and who I missed. So...

To everyone who sent any kind / caring words, I thank you.

And to those I missed the first time around, I am sorry I missed you and that it took this long before I wrote anything about it here.


Friday, July 16, 2004

Alive and Well (-ish) - Revisited

To follow up my last message, as noted before, I am fine.

After I got home that night I had a shot of rum, Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay if you want to know, and a bite to eat and tried to settle down before writing the entry. I stopped shaking while writing it, sorry I didn't mention that at the time.

After posting it, I had another shot or two of rum and watched some Adult Swim on Cartoon Network since I couldn't get to sleep for some reason.


I am planning to do some work on this site this weekend. This will include design, coding, and posting. I have some ideas in mind for the design and coding, however if I do them right you may not notice a difference at all. At least not yet, but it will make things easier for me. As for the posts, I have a few things I and thinking about, I just need to pull the thoughts together in a coherent form. As soon as I do I will put them up here.

Walk in Beauty.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Alive and well (-ish) ...

I knew that I was going to write something tonight but I wasn't sure what. I could write about Rites of Spring, about my grandmother, about what I have been doing for the past few weeks, ... But something happened on the way home and I think I will tell you about that instead. I am not shaking as much as I was when it happened, and maybe after writing it down, I will stop shaking altogether.

On the way home from work tonight I was coming up to a tight curve in the road, one where I was on the inside of the bend, and traffic coming the other way often cut the corner if there is no traffic in their way. Well, I guess the guy coming at me didn't think there was any traffic coming because he didn't even slow down while coming around the bend.

Did I mention that the guy coming at me was driving a tractor-trailer? I didn't? Well, he was.

So here I am heading around this tight curve and I see a semi come blasting around the corner and coming into my lane. We both hit the brakes and avoided a major collision. But we were completely blocking the road while we checked what damage had been done. It took less than five minutes for traffic to be backed up for over a hundred meters in each direction and for two police cruisers to arrive. The police must have been really close.

The hood of my truck was under the trailer of the semi, but didn't look too bad in the parts that we (myself, the driver of the semi and the police) could see. Since my truck still ran, I got back in, started it up and, with guidance from one of the cops, reversed out from under the semi. That's when we were finally able to get a good look at the damage.

There wasn't much ...

After getting in an accident and being under a semi the sum total of the damage will cost less that $5.00 to fix.

As it turns out the hood of my truck was just low enough that it slipped under without touching the underside of the trailer. The driver's side mirror had hit, and rubbed, the side of the trailer leaving a significant scuff mark, but no scratches, on the plastic enclosure of the mirror.

The more telling piece was that my front bumper had stopped right against the wheels of the trailer. This left another a scuff mark on the rubber of my front bumper. If the semi hadn't stopped as quickly as it did, those wheels would have continued up and over the bumper and my truck, but instead it only scuffed the the bumper.

So, two scuff marks which I should be able to deal with using ArmorAll (hence the $5.00) if I even have to deal with them at all.

So basically, no damage, but a lot of shaking. Some of which was from the anger which arose when the semi driver kept trying to blame me for the accident when I stayed in my lane the whole time.

But after all that, I am completely uninjured. I feel very lucky and thankful for this.

How was your evening?

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

I like this thought

I am not sure of the source, since it came from a "fortune" file and had no attribution, but it quite liked it and thought I'd share it here.

If I had my life to live over, I'd try to make more mistakes next time. I would relax, I would limber up, I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I know of very few things I would take seriously. I would be crazier. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets. I'd travel and see. I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones. You see, I am one of those people who lives prophylactically and sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I have had my moments and, if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead each day. I have been one of those people who never go anywhere without a thermometer, a hotwater bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would go places and do things and travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over, I would start bare-footed earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would play hooky more. I probably wouldn't make such good grades, but I'd learn more. I would ride on more merry-go-rounds. I'd pick more daisies.

I was going to put some kind of commentary here, but I have decided against it. The piece stands on its own. Any commentary I put would only take away from it.

On another note, it has been three weeks since I wrote anything here and I have some entries to make. I will try to get them posted over the next few days. These will be entries about my family, myself, and Rites of Spring.

Hope you come back to read them.


Wednesday, June 09, 2004

There's a new star in the heavens tonight

I got the news this afternoon, Nanny passed this morning. It appears that the doctors were right...

Millie Berry
April 14, 1909 - June 9, 2004

She was a strong and feisty woman.

I love you, Nanny. You will be missed.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Latest Update

I got a call from my mother today. She was calling to give me the latest information on my grandmother. And now, here I am passing it along to you. I figure that some of you would be interested, and at least one of you have asked about her...

My relatives were trying to find out what was going on with Nanny's sleeping, she only woke up occasionally and only for brief periods, and they were talking to doctors and trying to get her checked into a hospital.

I knew this, and that she had been admitted to a hospital, since shortly after the last update. However, since that was all there was to it, I didn't bother posting it since it didn't really tell us anything.

Today Mom called to give me the latest, and it isn't very good...

Apparently Nanny fell out of bed while in the hospital. Actually, since noone saw it happen we don't know if she fell out of bed or if she fell while trying to get out of bed for some reason. With how groggy she was before the fall, and how much worse she is after the fall, she can't really tell us what happened.

What we do know is that when she fell she broke her hip. So now, in addition to the problems she was already having, she has a broken hip, is in a cast and traction, and she is "drugged up" for the pain and what not. And there appears to be some complications from the break. (Anytime someone breaks a hip there can be complications, but they are almost guaranteed for someone who just turned 95.)

While we were talking Mom made it clear that she wasn't just calling to give me the information. She was also calling to give me a chance to prepare for the inevitable. Nanny has had a good life but it is coming to an end. The doctors feel that she doesn't have much time left. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want her to suffer.

Nanny has always been a strong woman. She lived on her own right up to her 95th birthday when all this started. She has lived to see her grandchildren growup and have children of their own. She has watched her great-grandchildren grow up and get married, starting families of their own. But she also buried her husband, her son (my father), her brother, and at least two grandchildren who died of childhood illnesses. And throughout all of it, the good and the bad, she has kept going and stayed strong.

I know she is still strong and will stay or go on her terms. Her body may be failing, but I believe her spirit never will.

I am glad that I got to see her when I was up in August and again in December. She was just as lively as she ever was. In fact she was more lively at 94 than a lot of people 25 years younger.

My friends who are reading this, and those who aren't, I wish you could have met Nanny and gotten to know her. (I have not given up hope, but I also want to prepare myself.)

I will let you know when I get any more news. You can rest assured that there will be at least one more update.

However it turns out, she will always be with me. A person is never truly gone as long as someone remembers.

... and there is always hope.

Monday, June 07, 2004

Rites of Spring - The Return

Rites of Spring is closed for another year. I will not say that it is "over" yet because there are people, including myself, who are still processing their experiences from the gathering. And while this processing continues so does Rites of Spring, in a way.

The gathering ended last Monday and we all left the site and mostly headed back to our homes. I got back to my residence sometime after 6:00PM and unloaded my truck. Of course this was done with the assistance of Sand since she was traveling with me.

Afterwards we sat and relaxed for a while and ordered some Chinese food. Then we settled in and slept. In was not the most restful sleep I have ever had. The sounds of the camp and the drums had been replaced with the sounds of the suburbs and my roommates playing video games. But it was still good to sleep in a comfortable queen-sized bed again.

Sand was gone by the time I woke up. Her flight back was early and the airport shuttle was supposed to pick her up at 7:00AM. Neither of us had any delusions that I would be awake and able to drive her to the airport at that time of the morning. Especially since I had taken the day off of work knowing that I would need the sleep, and the time to readjust to being back. (I have taken this extra day every year, starting with my second, and will continue to do so.)

I suppose I should tell you that I did not write any entries while I was there, but I will be writing entries about Rites now that I have returned. You should see them start to trickle in over the next couple of days. It's just that I have not put anything into words yet.

For now I just wanted to let you know that I was back and that I had not forgotten about my journal.


Sunday, May 23, 2004

Rites of Spring

I don't have much to say right now. Or more precisely, I am not going to say much right now.

It is late, and I am tired. I am just about finished packing, which is a good thing because I leave in the morning. I will have to throw my bags in my truck, along with some extra blankets and pillows, then head out to Rites of Spring. I am looking forward to it.

Obviously I will not be posting while I am there since I will not have access to a computer, but I should have plenty to post when I get back. I may even write a couple posts on paper while I am there which will get transcribed into this journal on my return. Maybe even backdated so they appear in the online journal dated as when they were written on paper.

Anyway, I should go o bed now.

I will see some of you at Rites, but whether you are going or not, I wish you all the best for your week.

Walk in Beauty

Friday, May 14, 2004

Update on my Grandmother

About a month ago I told you about my grandmother losing her vision just in time for her 95th birthday. I have received a few questions since then but have not posted anything else because there had been no change. Well, I think that it is time to update you even if there still is not much of a change...

Her vision is still very limited, only patches of light and dark, but this is not the most concerning thing, but I will get to that. We know that the vision lose was caused by damage to her optic nerve caused by problems with the blood flow. It now appears that there is some question as to whether the arteries became blocked, there was leakage, a minor hemorrhage, or something else.

Nanny is still staying with my aunt, and it appears that she probably will remain there as long as it is feasible. My uncle came up from California and has been there helping out for about a week now and will be staying for at least another three weeks yet. He is there to look after his mother, and to make sure she is still looked after properly when he has to go back to California. I trust that he will not make sure Nanny doesn't stay with my aunt if she can't get the care she needs there.

My bigger concern here is what other damage may have been done along with the damage to her optic nerve. The reason I wonder is because of the way she has been sleeping.

Since it happened she has been sleeping almost constantly. She wakes up to eat, and other necessities, but other than that she is constantly sleeping and wakes up only for a few minutes at a time. According to my mother, Nanny is still herself when she is awake, but the problem is how little time she is awake.

I am concerned about the sleep, especially since she is pretty much off the medications they gave her, but I am relieved to hear that she is still the same person. She is still the Nanny I love.

I'll keep you posted on any new developments as I find out about them. In the meantime I will continue to hold onto the hope I have.


Not Playing With a Full Deck

I have several decks of cards, I do collect them after all, but one of them is special. I can't really say much about it, including what makes it so special, for various reasons. The biggest reason is that there are still people I want to talk to about it, and reveal the deck to them, at a specific time. Since they may read this journal before I have a chance to talk to them, I don't want to reveal the information here yet.

There are people reading this who do know about this deck and should know what I am talking about. For the rest of you, I ask you to be patient and bear with me. I will tell you all about the deck sometime, just not yet.

The reason I bring this up is that the deck disappeared a while back. You could say that I misplaced it, but I don't think so. I put the deck in a specific location which others would not have easy access to, and would have no reason to touch it anyway, and when I went back the deck was nowhere to be found.

I looked everywhere for the deck and could not find it. I continued to look for it and continued to come up blank. At least until this week. This week I found the deck. The thing is that I found it in the same place I left it way-back-when and in the time between then and now I have searched that whole area several times with no luck. This time I just happened to glance over and caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye, and when I focused on the area I found the deck right there on top of everything else. This is why I am hesitant to say that I misplaced the deck. Although I can think of no other explanation that makes sense.

Good thing I am not trying to make sense of it. I am just happy to have it back. So now, instead of playing with a regular deck of cards, I am once again playing with this special deck which is only about half full at the moment.

This made my month and I had to share it.

Walk in Beauty.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Yes, Deer.

On my way home from work yesterday I decided to take a slightly different route. I usually avoid this alternate route, which involves getting off the highway an exit or two early, because it is often jammed with traffic. However, yesterday it was clear, at least when I took it.

It was nice because it got me out of traffic, and because of the scenery. It is a smaller road along the side of Blues Hills, so there are a lot of trees, fields, and nice houses. And occasionally, if you are very lucky, some wildlife. I have seen raccoons, skunks, and other animals along this stretch of road, but it is a rare occurrence.

Yesterday I saw, not one, but a family of four deer. They came out of the woods as I approached and crossed into one of the fields. And to add to my luck, the area where they crossed had a small spot where I could pull over without having to worry about blocking traffic. So I did. I pulled over and sat in my truck, just watching the deer for a while.

As I write this I am sitting at work waiting for a process to finish so that I can go on to the next step (it will be another 5-10 minutes) and some birds have started singing right outside our open window.

I know these things wouldn't sound like much to a lot of people, but they are certainly something to me and I wanted to share.

Walk in Beauty.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

"The goal is not to get there first..."

"... or even to get there fast. No, the goal is simply to get there."

These are the words that where running through my head most of the day. I was out hiking and while those words applied to the hike, there are so many more things in life, in my life, to which they apply as well. But let me tell you about the hike...

I went to Blue Hills Reservation and decided to hike up Great Blue Hill. I parked in the lot by the Trailside Museum started up the Red Dot Trail which leads from the parking lot to the Observation Tower on the top of the hill. According to the maps that the Museum puts out, the trail is a one mile hike each way. The trail covers some fairly rough ground and leads over some fairly large rocks. But there are some smoother patches as well.

About halfway of the hill I stopped for a break and to sit for a moment. I was a little surprised at one point when I looked down and saw a rib. From the size, I would guess that it was from something about the size of a large fox or a small coyote. I think that these animals came to mind when I examined the rib because of my chosen sister. It had been picked clean and was sun-bleached so I can only assume that it had been there waiting for me for some time.

While I was taking a break halfway up the hill, I sat with the rib and some standing stones that I stood. I often stop at this location and stand stones. I fact I often reassemble these same stones, although they never come out in quite the same configuration. Not that I would want them to anyway.

So, after sitting for a while, I continued my journey up the hill. It took me a while to reach the top, and I was out of breath by the time I got there, but I did make it. Not first, and not fast, but they were not part of this goal.

I climbed the stairs up the Observation Tower and just stood looking out at the view. You can see for miles on a clear day, and today was very clear. I saw someone under an arch who seemed to be hiding some bottles, and a rather large group of parents and their children showed up, but they didn't climb the tower so it wasn't too bad. :)

I decided to walk the small trail around the top of the hill before heading back down. And I am VERY glad I did. I got an urge to head off the trail and followed it to an area that I don't think I have ever been to before. I was quite surprised when I came upon a structure. It might have looked like a pile of twigs to some people, but it seemed like much more to me.

I sat in the structure for a while. I tried to meditate but mainly ended up watching the ants and listening to the trees. I guess I should say that it was quite windy and the in this area the wind blew through the trees making some beautiful sounds. However, there was another sound that came through. The trees in this area were very tall and straight and the wind made them sway. While they were swaying, a couple of the trees would rub against each other. This produced a beautiful noise that sounded even better when combined with the creaking of the trees.

[ I wish I was better with words so I could describe this sounds for you. I am still fairly new to this type of writing and I am still finding my voice. ]

So I sat, and watched, and listened. And I meditated, or tried at least. And when I got up to leave I left a note simply saying "Thank You." I may not have been able to meditate, or even silence most of the thoughts I was having, but I still felt more at peace than I have for a long time.

I stopped a couple more times on my way back down in order to admire the view. It is amazing, but even the interstate (I-93) can look good from the right place and the right state of mind.

It occurs to me that this is not the first time that I have stumbled upon just the right quiet place at just the right time. I will have to post about the other time (times?) at some future time. For now, it is getting late, I need to post (and link) some pictures, and the battery on my laptop is running down. I know I could switch to AC power, but I think I'd rather not sit at my desk tonight. So I will finish this with what power I have left.

As an aside, I have linked to several pictures in this post. That is because I happened to have a digital camera with me. However, even when I have one with me, I don't usually take many pictures. Also, while the contents of this journal and the Buzznet journal may occasionally cross, don't expect anything like this very often. If you are interested in them you should probably check both.

That being said, There is a way to have thumbnail images of the last few pictures show up in another page. I will probably do it with this journal page, but that won't do anything for those of you reading one of the feeds.

Well, it is time for bed.

Peace and Pleasant Dreams.

Friday, April 30, 2004

So what's the big deal?

What I am about to say may be considered blasphemy by some people, especially by at least one person I work with, but it has to be said...

I don't like Krispy Kreme donuts.

I had my first chance to try Krispy Kreme donuts after they built one a couple miles down the road from where I live. I think it took less time for them to build the new building than it took for them to tear down the Bickford's that used to be on the same spot. And this new building looks much better than the old one.

So the Krispy Kreme, the first one in this area as far as I know, has been there a few weeks now, actually it has probably been a couple of months by this time, but I did not go in for quite a while. I have to be in the right mood for a donut and, because I am a Type II diabetic, I can't always have them even if I am in the right mood. That was the main reason I waited before I tried one, but it was not the only reason. One day, a couple of weeks after it opened, I was in a position to stop by and try one. However, when I got there I found that there was a line. Not just a line, but a LINE. There is no donut that is worth a line like that. The wait was (according to people who would know) between 30 and 40 minutes. That was the wait both at the counter and at the drive-through. FOR DONUTS!

However, a few days ago I was going by and there was no line so I thought I would see what the fuss was about. I stopped, went in, and bought three donuts. And by the time I turned around there were between 15 and 20 people in line behind me. Apparently I got there at exactly the right time. I bought three donuts with the intention of giving one or two of them, depending on how much I liked them, to my roommates. When I got back to the house there was no one else around so I ended up keeping all three. Not eating them, just keeping them.

So? How were they? What did you think of them?

I ate one (maybe two, I am not entirely sure) and really could not understand why anyone would stand in line for so long for these donuts. There was almost no substance to the donut itself, it was as if the ONLY point of the donut was to act as a way to give you the glaze without making too much of a mess. As for the glaze... It was extremely thick, viscous, and sickeningly sweet. And the most disturbing thing about the glaze was that even after leaving the remaining donut in the cab of my truck for two full days (unintentionally) the glaze had not changed consistency at all. It had not thickened, or dried, or hardened in any way.

Oh, I should also say that within an hour of eating the fresh donuts it felt like I was carrying a brick in my stomach.

I don't expect that I will be eating another Krispy Kreme any time soon. Not as long as I can get Dunkin' Donuts, or even better, Tim Horton's.


Monday, April 26, 2004

My weekend

I had a decent weekend. Not a great weekend, but certainly not a bad weekend. I didn't get much done, but I got out and enjoyed the weather.

I would have liked to head into the woods to hike, wander, sit, mediate, ... but I didn't. I suppose I could have, but I didn't think it would have been a good idea. Let me rephrase, I did think it would have been a great idea, but I didn't think it would have been a smart idea. I am a Type II diabetic, adult-onset, and my bloodsugar was not at a good level for hiking into the woods alone. So I went into Boston and walked around the city for the day. I figured that if I was wondering in the city there would be other people around, and if worse came to worst someone could at least call 911. I didn't really think anything would happen, but sometimes you have to think about these things.

So I wandered around Downtown Crossing and Fanuel Hall for a while stopping in Borders, Barnes & Noble, and checking out some other small shops. Eventually I got on the T, that's the subway for those of you not familiar with Boston, and headed over to Harvard Square to check out the Garage Mall. By the time I left the Garage I had bought three books. Two of Terry Pratchett's Discworld books, and the new Robert Aspirin Phule's Company book.

I kept wandering from there, heading back along Mass Ave towards Boston. At Central Square I decided to hop back on the T and took it back to the Commons. Eventually I wandered back to my truck to head home. However I did not head directly home.

By this point I realized that I should look into buying a new pair of shoes. The boots I was wearing were OK, but not great for doing that much walking, at least not until I get used to doing that much walking again. I checked a couple of places but wasn't able to find a pair that felt comfortable. It can be hard to find a good pair of size 13 shoes. I will keep looking, but, like I said, the boots I have will do if I don't find anything.

And that brings me to something new I am going to be doing...

You may have seen people putting together photo-blogs. I have signed up for a service called Buzznet where I will have one of my own. This photo-blog will be hosted on Buzznet's servers so that I don't have to worry about the photos using up all my bandwidth.

So, if you wish, you can visit My Buzznet Photoblog. There may only be one or two pictures there at the moment, or at least there will be once I upload them, but the number should growing.


UPDATE: I tried to upload a picture and Buzznet seems to be having some issues. I may decide to just put the pictures somewhere on this site. We'll see what happens. Watch for info here, and check my Buzznet link if I don't point you somewhere else.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Somehow this seems appropriate

Granted, any issues would be different from the ones mentioned in the strip, but it was the last line that really did it. That being said, I give you Queen of Wands for Monday, April 19, 2004.

I should probably point out that this is not a strip I read on a regular basis. It was mentioned to me and I have taken a look at it but I have only seen a couple of the latest strips. So don't take this as an endorsement of the site, only of the one page (or even one line) that I reference here.

Jeez, I can't believe I just wrote that disclaimer...

Thursday, April 15, 2004


Something I forgot to mention in the post I made last night...

With all this going on for my grandmother, when my mother went to visit and see how Nanny was doing, all Nanny had to say was that she was OK and she kept asking how I was. She lost her eyesight, can no longer really look after herself, and yet she worries about me.

It certainly helps put things in perspective.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Happy Birthday, Nanny!

Today is my grandmother's birthday. I haven't talked to her yet because although I knew her birthday was around this time of month I could not remember exactly which day. Part of my distraction is because on an anniversary that happened on Monday, but I will write more about that in another post.

My mother called me to remind me that today was Nanny's birthday, and also because we hadn't talked in a few weeks and she wanted to see how things were going. I love my mother but having around 1000km (600-650 miles) and a national border between us I don't get to see her that often, and we don't talk as much as we should. But we do talk every 2-3 weeks at least.

This time, after we got caught up, she told me that there was another reason she called. Apparently my grandmother is not doing very well. She has gone blind.

This happened a few days before her 95th birthday. One day she was knitting, the next day she took time off because her vision was blurry, and the next she was blind. It is my understanding that at this point she can see blobs of light colours if they are in bright light but that is about it. The doctors say the arteries to the optic nerves are blocked and there is very little, if anything, that can be done. The odds are that any recovery she might make will be limited and still leave her legally blind.

She is staying with my aunt for the time being, with my cousins (this aunt's children) living right next door and in-home-care coming in everyday to check on both of them. I say "both" because, as much as my aunt says she can and will continue to look after her, she can't. A few months back this aunt was diagnosed with clinical dementia, and while there are days when she is perfectly fine, there are other days when she can't even look after herself. It looks likely that my grandmother will end up in a nursing home. There is even a good chance that they both will.

Nanny is the last of my grandparents. While I have a few uncles and aunts, the only people I have left who form my direct lineage are my mother and my grandmother. I don't want to lose either of them.

When mom told me the news I got choked up. When I got off the phone I started to sob. Partly because of the news itself and partly because I had to get the news over the phone and have no idea when I will be able to make it up to see the two of them. It is hard for me to get time off work right now, due to issues I am not going to get into, plus the fact that I can't afford to fly up right now and if I was to drive I'd lose at least two days to traveling which means that a weekend trip is useless.

For now I am going to keep in closer touch and hope that something doesn't happen which would require me to take the time off and go. I would have no trouble doing it if it came down to that, but it would mean something worse had happened and I don't even want to think about that right now. I am also going to plan for a trip in the next few months when I can go and spend some time.

Oh, and in case you were wondering about the anniversary I mentioned, Monday was the anniversary of my father's death. Even though it has been several years, I still strongly feel his absence at this time of year. It is one reason (among many) that I no longer celebrate Easter. Instead I do my best to celebrate the memory of my father, the man he was, and the man he helped me become.

But I said that would be for a later post, so I will leave it there for now and pick it up later if there is any interest. For now I will just say "Good night."

Walk in Beauty.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Time for that other entry...

[ This is the entry I wrote Sunday morning but did not have a chance to type in. At least until now. So remember, any date or day references should be with respect to Sunday. ]

I believe I mentioned before that I don't usually remember that I dreamed, let alone what any dream may have been about. Well, last night was different. I had a very vivid dream and remembered it perfectly on waking. It is fading somewhat now, but it is still remembered. However, it was the dream itself, not the fact that I remembered it, which threw me. So much so that I wanted to get it down right away, but also could not sit at home to type it in.

So I have compromised, if you can call it that. I got out of the house and am currently sitting in Friday's writing this out in a paper journal. I will transcribe it into my online journal later.

Before I get to the dream, there is some background information I should give...

I recently heard from an old girlfriend, one that I had a "colourful" relationship with. We went our separate ways around the beginning of 2003 and although I had not heard from her since (before the last month or so) I had been thinking about her and wondering how she was doing and what she was up to. And I guess this wondering grew to the point that I was thinking about her a lot lately.

And then I heard from her.

We were both on IM at the same time and we started talking. We talked for a while and have talked a few times since. We have been talking through IM, email, and on the phone at various times. Although some might say we have talked a lot considering the history, I don't think we have really talked any more than I talk to my other friends. It just seems that way because of the year long gap with no contact.

And you know what? I hadn't realized how much I missed talking to her and having her as a friend.

This brings us up to the dream... I dreamed about us. I am not sure about the timeframe, but it did not seem like our past.

I had gone to visit her, she was still living at the same place she lived when we were involved, and there were a few other people there visiting as well. (Most of the people were ones I remember meeting when I actually did visit.) There was also a guy that I am sure I did not know. I assumed he was the guy she is seeing now.

I stayed in the area for a couple of days and we had a very good time. I was staying just down the road. Somehow I had an apartment for the span I was there, not a motel room.

Anyway, at some point the scene shifted and we were at a different location. One that, while it was familiar, I don't remember ever seeing before. While we were there the other people in the group slowly disappeared. I don't mean they faded out, just that they had some of business to take care of, or they just wandered off. Eventually it was just the two of us and we kept talking. We talked for quite a while and then kissed, the type of kiss that friends give each other, and finally we fell asleep cuddled up together.

And as I drifted off to sleep in the dream, I woke up in my bed.

Like I said, remembering a dream surprises me. This one even more so because of the content and especially the way it ended.

I am not sure what to make of it. But I do know a couple of related things.

I miss her as a friend and hope we can be friends again. I was not hoping for more than that, at least not consciously, as I would expect it to be as colourful as our past. Add to that the fact that I would not knowingly break-up a couple for my own gain. And she is in some kind of a relationship.

I suppose I should comment here (before anyone else does) that there was a time, years ago, when I got involved with a girl who was already in a relationship. However, I tried to get out of the situation and not break them up. Also, in the end that experience strengthened my stance. So I think my statement stands.


Sunday, March 28, 2004

Not what I intended to write...

I had gotten up and left this morning and wrote an entry (on paper) while I was out. I had intended to type it in and post it when I got home, but that is not happening yet. Let me tell you why...

I got home at the same time as two of my roommates (a couple) who very not having a good day, and apparently I made things worse. I can hear you asking "How did you do that?" Well, I did that by not killing one of her cats.

To be specific about what happened, from my perspective, I said "Hi" to them as I got inside and then started up the stairs. We have four cats in the house so I always make sure the stairs are clear of cats before I go so that I don't step on them. This time was no different, I looked and the stairs were clear.

At least they were clear when I started. I only got a step or two and then my foot started coming down on something soft and furry. I managed to stop my foot and the cat, who had decided to run under my foot while I was moving, got out unscathed. I did not fare as well. I had stopped my foot, but not my forward momentum, and I was going down. I managed to catch myself, but it involved my right hand shooting out against the wall, and my left forearm coming down HARD on the banister.

I stayed like that for a couple of seconds, mainly out of shock.

The next thing I knew I heard her yell "Maybe I should just should move out!" and she went storming up the stairs. I am not sure, but I think she had tears in her eyes. Either way, it was not pretty.

Shortly after this I overheard part of their conversation. I didn't want to, but when it is held just outside my bedroom door, I couldn't help but hear it. I did manage to filter out most of it, but the part where she was talking about the dirty look I gave her, with him saying that it was a only a look of pain, made its way through. It was around this time that I put a jacket back on and went outside for a while.

It is now a couple of hours later and things have calmed down. However that is probably because I am in my room typing this, she is upstairs, and he has gone to work.

I did have a chance to talk to him for a few minutes before he left for work but I have not talked to her yet. He said that she was having a bad day and was stressed out because of (and I quote him here) "her job sucking and me being stupid." He also suggested giving her some space and not trying to talk to her yet. Which is fine with me at the moment because I don't know what I would say.

I hope someone is having a better day than me.

I'll most likely type in the other post a little later, but I wanted to get this written, and somewhat vented, so that it didn't fester.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Let's add a feed...

A while back I added comments to this journal, now I have added a syndication feed. The feed is an ATOM feed, not RSS, and is supported by a growing number of feed readers. If you want more information on which readers support ATOM you can get it at

What does this mean to the readers?

This means that there are now multiple ways to find and read my journal. I'll list them below.

Yes, that is right. For those LiveJournal users out there who have enough "syndication points" you can now add a feed from this journal to your LiveJournal Friends page. Although you should keep in mind that while you can add comments through LiveJournal, there is no guarantee that I will see and read them. I read all the comments that are added to the journal at its original location, but comments added anywhere else there may be a feed may not be read. And of course there is still the address I setup specifically for people to email journal comments: journal(at)

So now that I have more ways for people to read, I suppose I should try to put up some content. And I should try to make it some content that people might find interesting enough to read.

What do you think? Anything you want to know?

Monday, March 22, 2004

Taking a bite out of the updates.

When I made the last couple of entries, I made them with every intention of posting a more in-depth entry shortly after. And while I am not sure how much more "in-depth" this one will be I do want to get at least some of the information out there.

With that being said, let's get started.

First, let me say that am much happier with the administration panel and options available with my new web host. Most of the administration with my old host was done by them. You tell them what you wanted and they set it up for you, not bad at first, but when they stopped paying attention to my emails and IMs, this became useless. My new host has everything I need, at least so far, in a control panel (the way it should be) and I can set things up myself.

The switch between hosts was smooth, with only a couple of hiccups, mainly with journal comments. These have been straighten out now and things should all be working. So if you see a problem, let me know.

And to continue this bite...

I have been having trouble with my teeth. For a past couple of weeks it has been really bad and has had me in the dentist's chair three times so far. The first time was so that the dentist could find out what was wrong and make an appointment to correct it. The second time was for the work, and the third was to correct a problem with the work he did. The end result at this point is that two teeth were filled and one has a temporary crown on it until I go back next Monday for the permanent crown. Oh, and the problem that he corrected in the third visit was that one of fillings was too thick so it was hitting very hard on every bite and causing much irritation until the whole lower half of the right side of my face was screaming in pain.

I guess I should say that the crown is going on a live tooth, there was no root canal. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not. It is, but a couple of the teeth are still irritated from the filling problem. So I am taking the Advil my dentist recommended and it is going away. Slowly, but it is going away. As for the crown, well, the tooth was cracked and starting to split. There was not enough good structure to keep the top of the tooth going but the root was fine. And one of the other teeth had also cracked. But that tooth had cracked though the biting surface, and while the crack had gone deep, it had not affected the sides of the tooth. This one was filled and the filling should hold the tooth together and prevent the crack from spreading any more.

Well, that is more than you probably wanted to hear about my teeth.

More soon. About something other than my teeth.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Just another quick note

As some people had noticed, I have been having several problems with my web host. All the problems had resulted in my site being off-line for most of the past week. This is not the first time that the host in question has caused this type of issue, and I don't think it will be the last. One huge difference this time was that they would not respond to any of my inquires.

I have been thinking about changing my host for a while now due to some other issues, as well as the (previously very short-term) downtime, but this was the proverbial straw. I can deal with the site being down if there is a technical issue, but not with their support team ignoring me.

So I have changed hosts.

Please bear with me as I get things setup at the new site. There may be some things that don't work quite as they should, an the comments may not work at all for a while, but I will get this all worked out. My you want to make a comment before the comment system is working again, you may send it through email to


Sunday, February 29, 2004

Happy Leap Year!

Yesterday was a good day. Today, not so much. Not that there was something wrong with today, just that today I didn't really do anything other than laundry.

Today's entry is mainly for me. There is so much a want to write about, but I am too tired and need to sleep. Therefore, I am posting this short entry telling all of you that I have a lot to write about. I want to talk about the day I had on Saturday, and about a couple of dreams I had recently. There are other things as well, but those are the main ones.

I figure that if I post this short message now it will encourage me to post the "real" entries sooner. If I don't I will probably have at least one person asking me why I didn't. So as I write this on Feb 29th, I say that the posts will be here soon. And by stating that publicly, I am holding myself to it.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004


Yesterday I posted a message about language to an email group I am on. This was brought on by the recent thread on the group. While I am not going to go into the issues in the thread as they are not relevant to this journal, I did want to post a copy of my email. The main portion of it at least. Feel free to leave any comments on it through the normal means.


We (humans) communicate through a very complex language, which most people think of as the words we use. However, our language is much more than just the words, it is also made up of the silences and pauses as well as our gestures, facial expressions and postures. The meaning behind our words can be greatly affected by all of these other factors.

For example, the words "what an idiot" can be a friendly ribbing if said with a smile and a wink, or they can be a curse if said through clinched teeth and with a slight pause after each word.

In a [group such as this] we are greatly limited as the majority of our language is not available and we are limited to only using words.

When sending email we need to remember that while we might be smiling and laughing while we type a certain phrase, the smile and laughter will not be present in the message when it is delivered. I believe that this absence of all clues outside of the words themselves is what leads to misunderstanding more often then not. This means that we should be careful to pick the words which can carry our intent on their own, devoid of all other influences. I know that I am more careful about my choice of words in email than I might be face-to-face. This is not because of any self-censorship, it is because of my desire to be understood while being limited to a crippled form of language. I also know that my choice of words still do not always carry my intent to all of the readers and I am still occasionally misunderstood.

Thursday, January 01, 2004

Happy New Year

I was going to write a longer entry, but I am finding that I am too tired to stay up and do it. So I am just going to write these couple of lines to wish everyone a Happy New Year while it is still the first.

May we all have good year and get what we need in 2004.

And as Pogey said during the levees today, "Every day you are alive is a good one."