I Miss Christmas

I remember Christmases as a child. Even after I had figured out Santa's secret there was still a magic to it.

After moving out on my own I still spent Christmas with my family, and that made it special.

It has been a couple of years since I made home and I was planning on being up there sometime during these holidays but I have been unable to go. My work visa is under review for a renewal at the moment and if I went home I would be unable to come back.

This has had me feeling depressed lately. But, as I realized this weekend, that is only part of it. Another piece fell into place over the last 24 hours.

...

Those of you who have known me for a while, even if it is only from reading this blog, will remember a few years ago there was a woman in my life that I referred to as TWIL, and she had a daughter I referred to as The Sprout.

At the time TWIL and I had discussed it and we knew that we would one day be married, we just did not officially become engaged. You will also remember I took it pretty hard when the relationship ended.

During the time we were together The Sprout was young, pre-teen, and spending Christmas with them was wonderful. I was able to help bring the magic to others and in the process rediscover it myself.

What I didn't realize was how much I missed this when I lost it as well...

I miss the magic, the wonder... I miss the Christmas that was.

It has been building in the back of my mind for the last couple of years and has only now bubbled to the surface. I hope that the revelation helps me unload some of the baggage I have been packing.

And I hope getting this out now helps me finally get to sleep tonight. {He writes at 2AM}

...

I need to call a couple of friends soon. Check in on how they are doing.

And see how my god-daughter is doing.

Maybe even get out to see some of them, at least the ones close enough to get to over a weekend trip.

For now, I need to sleep. I have work to go to in the morning.

Pink Socks and 70's Movies

I've been quiet for a while now, dealing with the changes in my life.

As I said in my last post, TWIL and I are no longer a couple. We have talked a few times since then and are still friends. The Sprout also told me that she wanted to stay in touch and we have talked a couple of times as well.

I am glad they are still in my life, even though it is not the way I thought, or hoped it would be. It might be easier to move on if there was no further contact, but I am much happier that we are still friends.

One of the hardest things has been the number of people who have said things like "I was just waiting for the wedding invitation."

...

What's been happening since then?

Well, I have been settling into my new apartment. I still have several boxes full of ... stuff to unpack. I have limited furniture that i have setup and mostly arranged. {I didn't realize how nice it is to have a couch to curl up on.}

I have had a couple of guests, something which I was not really comfortable doing in old place. One of my friends was the first to stop over and hang out for a while. And a couple of weeks ago, my mother came to visit and stayed for the weekend.

As well as having a couple of people visiting me here, I have gotten out to visit others as well. Two weeks ago I was at a get together a friend of mine was having. A gathering referred to as "Grill It You Bastard Friday." It was a good time with good people and good food. I was also introduced to the game "Apples To Apples."

Then, last weekend, I went to King Richard's Faire with a few friends, one of whom has a new web site promoting his music. Definitely worth a listen.

I also have a trip to Nova Scotia planned for the middle of November. I'll be in and around Halifax for a few days around the 11th to the 17th. Anyone else going to be there?

...

Lately, I have suffered from migraines. In fact, I am still suffering. The migraine is gone but it had me in such pain that I was clenching and grinding my teeth and gave myself a toothache. {Teethache? What do you call it when you have more than one at a time?} I'm dreading calling a dentist but I'm going to have to do it soon.

And a couple of times in the past few days I have found myself wearing pink socks. At least there were pink spots appearing on the white socks I was wearing. Broken blisters and dry, cracked skin on the balls of our feet will do that I guess.

...

Yesterday I was walking through the Apple Store in a local mall and had something strange happen. A woman who was being helped stopped what she was doing, stepped in front of me and said

I'm a casting director and we are making a movie set in the 70's.

You have a great look. Would you be interested?

That caught me a little off guard.

...

I am still here, and in several different types of pain. Thankfully, most of them are only physical.

Resolutions

Quick follow-up on a couple of items.

Weight Loss: 25 pounds left to lose.

Reading: 2 more books to read for nothing but entertainment.

Tendinitis: Occasional discomfort, but much better.

Relationship: None.

A Good Name For A Rock Band

Well, I'm back from Rites of Spring and I've been back to work for a day...

I need a break.

Rites was very good, and I came back feeling great. The people at work were welcoming and went out their way to make me feel ... back. Now I just need to sleep some more.

Last year I was a member of a small group who ran into a black bear on the road. This year we didn't have any encounters with bears. The most dangerous animal I saw would have to be the rabid chipmunk. {Which lead to the name of this post.}

It was good to see people I don't get to see enough. To catchup with what friends are doing. To be involved with a spiritual gathering of about 400 people.

And of course, to spend 5 nights together with TWIL. We spent time together during the day as well, but we also spent a lot of the day doing our own things.

I'll be back here soon, but for now I'm off to bed.

Walk in Beauty.
Peace.

Happy New Year!

I don't want to be here right now. I spent the weekend, and welcomed the new year, with TWIL and The Sprout. But I have to go back to work in morning, which meant leaving this afternoon.

Now I'm back in Boston, and about 300 miles from where I really want to be. The only consolation being that I'll be with them again soon.

In the meantime, there's work and there's life.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

New Year's Eve

… actually, the morning of New Year's Eve …

I'm sitting here, thinking about how great the last couple of days have been, not to mention the last 19 months.

TWIL is upstairs getting ready for this afternoon, and tonight. {I only got ready a few minutes ago, we slept late. I'm not sure what we are going to be doing this afternoon, but tonight we are going to be going over to visit friends. Then we will be coming back and welcoming in the new year with The Sprout and TWIL's mother.

I hope you all have a good, safe, and joyous night.

Happy New Year!

I'll be back in a day or two with my resolutions, and a follow up on one I made last year.