Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Time for that other entry...

[ This is the entry I wrote Sunday morning but did not have a chance to type in. At least until now. So remember, any date or day references should be with respect to Sunday. ]

I believe I mentioned before that I don't usually remember that I dreamed, let alone what any dream may have been about. Well, last night was different. I had a very vivid dream and remembered it perfectly on waking. It is fading somewhat now, but it is still remembered. However, it was the dream itself, not the fact that I remembered it, which threw me. So much so that I wanted to get it down right away, but also could not sit at home to type it in.

So I have compromised, if you can call it that. I got out of the house and am currently sitting in Friday's writing this out in a paper journal. I will transcribe it into my online journal later.

Before I get to the dream, there is some background information I should give...

I recently heard from an old girlfriend, one that I had a "colourful" relationship with. We went our separate ways around the beginning of 2003 and although I had not heard from her since (before the last month or so) I had been thinking about her and wondering how she was doing and what she was up to. And I guess this wondering grew to the point that I was thinking about her a lot lately.

And then I heard from her.

We were both on IM at the same time and we started talking. We talked for a while and have talked a few times since. We have been talking through IM, email, and on the phone at various times. Although some might say we have talked a lot considering the history, I don't think we have really talked any more than I talk to my other friends. It just seems that way because of the year long gap with no contact.

And you know what? I hadn't realized how much I missed talking to her and having her as a friend.

This brings us up to the dream... I dreamed about us. I am not sure about the timeframe, but it did not seem like our past.

I had gone to visit her, she was still living at the same place she lived when we were involved, and there were a few other people there visiting as well. (Most of the people were ones I remember meeting when I actually did visit.) There was also a guy that I am sure I did not know. I assumed he was the guy she is seeing now.

I stayed in the area for a couple of days and we had a very good time. I was staying just down the road. Somehow I had an apartment for the span I was there, not a motel room.

Anyway, at some point the scene shifted and we were at a different location. One that, while it was familiar, I don't remember ever seeing before. While we were there the other people in the group slowly disappeared. I don't mean they faded out, just that they had some of business to take care of, or they just wandered off. Eventually it was just the two of us and we kept talking. We talked for quite a while and then kissed, the type of kiss that friends give each other, and finally we fell asleep cuddled up together.

And as I drifted off to sleep in the dream, I woke up in my bed.

Like I said, remembering a dream surprises me. This one even more so because of the content and especially the way it ended.

I am not sure what to make of it. But I do know a couple of related things.

I miss her as a friend and hope we can be friends again. I was not hoping for more than that, at least not consciously, as I would expect it to be as colourful as our past. Add to that the fact that I would not knowingly break-up a couple for my own gain. And she is in some kind of a relationship.

I suppose I should comment here (before anyone else does) that there was a time, years ago, when I got involved with a girl who was already in a relationship. However, I tried to get out of the situation and not break them up. Also, in the end that experience strengthened my stance. So I think my statement stands.


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