Friday, August 08, 2003

More About Sunday

I said at the end of my last post that I had a bit of a surprise Sunday evening. Well, the surprise was a friend showing up at my door.

This is a friend I met this year at Rites of Spring, a gathering held each year at the end of May. She lives in New Jersey and had been up to visit once before. This time she was on her way to Maine for a few days and stopped on her way through because she was concerned about me.

We talked for a short time and then she continued up to Maine. She did invite me along, but I needed to go to work in the morning. Even more so since I am planning a vacation and don't want to use up the time I am planning for.

I do have to admit that we didn't talk for long because of me. There were a couple of reasons behind it. First, I was making myself something to eat when she got there and when it was ready I couldn't put off eating too long because of my blood sugar level. Second, I was not (am still not) that comfortable talking to people who matter. I had a hard time even making eye contact while we talked, because seeing the concern caused a ... a rush of thoughts and emotions that I couldn't deal with all at once.

What I mean by that is best explained (I think) as follows: I can talk to people at work, about work, because it doesn't matter, not really. However, my friends matter. Even more than that, my clan/tribe/chosen family matter even more and I have had a harder time getting in touch with them. Not that they are hard to reach, but because I could not even think about contacting them without that same rush of thoughts and feelings starting. I will also say that there are only a couple of people I consider to be in my clan and the main two a call my brother and my sister.

I suppose I should say that I am not a big fan of the phone to begin with, having done technical support for years, along with other jobs that required phone use, and when I get mixed up like this I am even less likely to use the phone. That being said, this morning I tried calling Sand, clan member and sister, to try to reach her before she left for FireDance. I didn't get a hold of her. I don't know if it was because she had left, or she was just out, or still asleep.


Wednesday, August 06, 2003

Washed Clean

Anyone in my area of the continent, Boston, knows what the weather has been like this week. But for the rest of you, it has been alternating between unbearably humid (and hot), and pouring down rain. This is not all that extraordinary for this part of the country.

Well, a couple of days ago, Sunday to be exact, I needed to get out of the house. So I decided to head into Boston to walk around and (hopefully) clear my head. It worked, sort of...

I got in my truck and drove into Boston, parked in the underground parking at the Commons, and just started walking around. I walked through the Commons, the Public Gardens, Downtown Crossing, and Quincy Market. There were a lot of people in this last one, more than I really wanted to deal with, but I was hungry so I stayed in the area for a while so I could get some food.

About the same time I finished eatting it started to rain, just a light shower really. This was enough to send most of the people in the area running for cover inside shops and doorways. This cutdown on the crowd enough that it was now fairly pleasant to wander around the now mostly empty (at least outdoors) marketplace, which I did for a while. Finally I started back towards Downtown Crossing and eventually the Commons and my truck. I did stop at the Borders Books on School Street for awhile on my way.

While I was in Borders the light shower transformed into a full blown thunderstorm with the sky openning up and dropping all the water it had. It was still like that when I left the store and continued back to my truck. It didn't take long before I was completely soaked, I think it was about 10 steps, but I continued.

I have to say that I didn't mind being soaked through. It kind of felt good, like the rain was washing away the pain I have been feeling. Emotional pain that is. It didn't wash away everything, but at least it got rid of a layer or two for a while. And of course, as much as I was enjoying getting completely soaked by the storm, I was also enjoying watching people huddle in any little bit of shelter they could find. It seemed like they were afraid of getting wet. Like they were afraid of nature itself, while I was enjoying being out in the rain.

It was almost like I was being carried back to a more innocent time, a bit like being a little kid again. Of course the feeling didn't last since I had to drive through Boston traffic to get home.

So Sunday afternoon wasn't too bad. The evening brought a bit of a surprise, but I'll write about that later. For now I need to get some food into me.