Friday, August 08, 2003

More About Sunday

I said at the end of my last post that I had a bit of a surprise Sunday evening. Well, the surprise was a friend showing up at my door.

This is a friend I met this year at Rites of Spring, a gathering held each year at the end of May. She lives in New Jersey and had been up to visit once before. This time she was on her way to Maine for a few days and stopped on her way through because she was concerned about me.

We talked for a short time and then she continued up to Maine. She did invite me along, but I needed to go to work in the morning. Even more so since I am planning a vacation and don't want to use up the time I am planning for.

I do have to admit that we didn't talk for long because of me. There were a couple of reasons behind it. First, I was making myself something to eat when she got there and when it was ready I couldn't put off eating too long because of my blood sugar level. Second, I was not (am still not) that comfortable talking to people who matter. I had a hard time even making eye contact while we talked, because seeing the concern caused a ... a rush of thoughts and emotions that I couldn't deal with all at once.

What I mean by that is best explained (I think) as follows: I can talk to people at work, about work, because it doesn't matter, not really. However, my friends matter. Even more than that, my clan/tribe/chosen family matter even more and I have had a harder time getting in touch with them. Not that they are hard to reach, but because I could not even think about contacting them without that same rush of thoughts and feelings starting. I will also say that there are only a couple of people I consider to be in my clan and the main two a call my brother and my sister.

I suppose I should say that I am not a big fan of the phone to begin with, having done technical support for years, along with other jobs that required phone use, and when I get mixed up like this I am even less likely to use the phone. That being said, this morning I tried calling Sand, clan member and sister, to try to reach her before she left for FireDance. I didn't get a hold of her. I don't know if it was because she had left, or she was just out, or still asleep.


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