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Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Latest Update

I got a call from my mother today. She was calling to give me the latest information on my grandmother. And now, here I am passing it along to you. I figure that some of you would be interested, and at least one of you have asked about her...

My relatives were trying to find out what was going on with Nanny's sleeping, she only woke up occasionally and only for brief periods, and they were talking to doctors and trying to get her checked into a hospital.

I knew this, and that she had been admitted to a hospital, since shortly after the last update. However, since that was all there was to it, I didn't bother posting it since it didn't really tell us anything.

Today Mom called to give me the latest, and it isn't very good...

Apparently Nanny fell out of bed while in the hospital. Actually, since noone saw it happen we don't know if she fell out of bed or if she fell while trying to get out of bed for some reason. With how groggy she was before the fall, and how much worse she is after the fall, she can't really tell us what happened.

What we do know is that when she fell she broke her hip. So now, in addition to the problems she was already having, she has a broken hip, is in a cast and traction, and she is "drugged up" for the pain and what not. And there appears to be some complications from the break. (Anytime someone breaks a hip there can be complications, but they are almost guaranteed for someone who just turned 95.)

While we were talking Mom made it clear that she wasn't just calling to give me the information. She was also calling to give me a chance to prepare for the inevitable. Nanny has had a good life but it is coming to an end. The doctors feel that she doesn't have much time left. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want her to suffer.

Nanny has always been a strong woman. She lived on her own right up to her 95th birthday when all this started. She has lived to see her grandchildren growup and have children of their own. She has watched her great-grandchildren grow up and get married, starting families of their own. But she also buried her husband, her son (my father), her brother, and at least two grandchildren who died of childhood illnesses. And throughout all of it, the good and the bad, she has kept going and stayed strong.

I know she is still strong and will stay or go on her terms. Her body may be failing, but I believe her spirit never will.

I am glad that I got to see her when I was up in August and again in December. She was just as lively as she ever was. In fact she was more lively at 94 than a lot of people 25 years younger.

My friends who are reading this, and those who aren't, I wish you could have met Nanny and gotten to know her. (I have not given up hope, but I also want to prepare myself.)

I will let you know when I get any more news. You can rest assured that there will be at least one more update.

However it turns out, she will always be with me. A person is never truly gone as long as someone remembers.

... and there is always hope.

Monday, June 07, 2004

Rites of Spring - The Return

Rites of Spring is closed for another year. I will not say that it is "over" yet because there are people, including myself, who are still processing their experiences from the gathering. And while this processing continues so does Rites of Spring, in a way.

The gathering ended last Monday and we all left the site and mostly headed back to our homes. I got back to my residence sometime after 6:00PM and unloaded my truck. Of course this was done with the assistance of Sand since she was traveling with me.

Afterwards we sat and relaxed for a while and ordered some Chinese food. Then we settled in and slept. In was not the most restful sleep I have ever had. The sounds of the camp and the drums had been replaced with the sounds of the suburbs and my roommates playing video games. But it was still good to sleep in a comfortable queen-sized bed again.

Sand was gone by the time I woke up. Her flight back was early and the airport shuttle was supposed to pick her up at 7:00AM. Neither of us had any delusions that I would be awake and able to drive her to the airport at that time of the morning. Especially since I had taken the day off of work knowing that I would need the sleep, and the time to readjust to being back. (I have taken this extra day every year, starting with my second, and will continue to do so.)

I suppose I should tell you that I did not write any entries while I was there, but I will be writing entries about Rites now that I have returned. You should see them start to trickle in over the next couple of days. It's just that I have not put anything into words yet.

For now I just wanted to let you know that I was back and that I had not forgotten about my journal.

Peace.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Rites of Spring

I don't have much to say right now. Or more precisely, I am not going to say much right now.

It is late, and I am tired. I am just about finished packing, which is a good thing because I leave in the morning. I will have to throw my bags in my truck, along with some extra blankets and pillows, then head out to Rites of Spring. I am looking forward to it.

Obviously I will not be posting while I am there since I will not have access to a computer, but I should have plenty to post when I get back. I may even write a couple posts on paper while I am there which will get transcribed into this journal on my return. Maybe even backdated so they appear in the online journal dated as when they were written on paper.

Anyway, I should go o bed now.

I will see some of you at Rites, but whether you are going or not, I wish you all the best for your week.

Walk in Beauty
Peace.

Friday, May 14, 2004

Update on my Grandmother

About a month ago I told you about my grandmother losing her vision just in time for her 95th birthday. I have received a few questions since then but have not posted anything else because there had been no change. Well, I think that it is time to update you even if there still is not much of a change...

Her vision is still very limited, only patches of light and dark, but this is not the most concerning thing, but I will get to that. We know that the vision lose was caused by damage to her optic nerve caused by problems with the blood flow. It now appears that there is some question as to whether the arteries became blocked, there was leakage, a minor hemorrhage, or something else.

Nanny is still staying with my aunt, and it appears that she probably will remain there as long as it is feasible. My uncle came up from California and has been there helping out for about a week now and will be staying for at least another three weeks yet. He is there to look after his mother, and to make sure she is still looked after properly when he has to go back to California. I trust that he will not make sure Nanny doesn't stay with my aunt if she can't get the care she needs there.

My bigger concern here is what other damage may have been done along with the damage to her optic nerve. The reason I wonder is because of the way she has been sleeping.

Since it happened she has been sleeping almost constantly. She wakes up to eat, and other necessities, but other than that she is constantly sleeping and wakes up only for a few minutes at a time. According to my mother, Nanny is still herself when she is awake, but the problem is how little time she is awake.

I am concerned about the sleep, especially since she is pretty much off the medications they gave her, but I am relieved to hear that she is still the same person. She is still the Nanny I love.

I'll keep you posted on any new developments as I find out about them. In the meantime I will continue to hold onto the hope I have.

Namaje.

Not Playing With a Full Deck

I have several decks of cards, I do collect them after all, but one of them is special. I can't really say much about it, including what makes it so special, for various reasons. The biggest reason is that there are still people I want to talk to about it, and reveal the deck to them, at a specific time. Since they may read this journal before I have a chance to talk to them, I don't want to reveal the information here yet.

There are people reading this who do know about this deck and should know what I am talking about. For the rest of you, I ask you to be patient and bear with me. I will tell you all about the deck sometime, just not yet.

The reason I bring this up is that the deck disappeared a while back. You could say that I misplaced it, but I don't think so. I put the deck in a specific location which others would not have easy access to, and would have no reason to touch it anyway, and when I went back the deck was nowhere to be found.

I looked everywhere for the deck and could not find it. I continued to look for it and continued to come up blank. At least until this week. This week I found the deck. The thing is that I found it in the same place I left it way-back-when and in the time between then and now I have searched that whole area several times with no luck. This time I just happened to glance over and caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye, and when I focused on the area I found the deck right there on top of everything else. This is why I am hesitant to say that I misplaced the deck. Although I can think of no other explanation that makes sense.

Good thing I am not trying to make sense of it. I am just happy to have it back. So now, instead of playing with a regular deck of cards, I am once again playing with this special deck which is only about half full at the moment.

This made my month and I had to share it.

Walk in Beauty.
Peace.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Yes, Deer.

On my way home from work yesterday I decided to take a slightly different route. I usually avoid this alternate route, which involves getting off the highway an exit or two early, because it is often jammed with traffic. However, yesterday it was clear, at least when I took it.

It was nice because it got me out of traffic, and because of the scenery. It is a smaller road along the side of Blues Hills, so there are a lot of trees, fields, and nice houses. And occasionally, if you are very lucky, some wildlife. I have seen raccoons, skunks, and other animals along this stretch of road, but it is a rare occurrence.

Yesterday I saw, not one, but a family of four deer. They came out of the woods as I approached and crossed into one of the fields. And to add to my luck, the area where they crossed had a small spot where I could pull over without having to worry about blocking traffic. So I did. I pulled over and sat in my truck, just watching the deer for a while.

As I write this I am sitting at work waiting for a process to finish so that I can go on to the next step (it will be another 5-10 minutes) and some birds have started singing right outside our open window.

I know these things wouldn't sound like much to a lot of people, but they are certainly something to me and I wanted to share.

Walk in Beauty.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

"The goal is not to get there first..."

"... or even to get there fast. No, the goal is simply to get there."

These are the words that where running through my head most of the day. I was out hiking and while those words applied to the hike, there are so many more things in life, in my life, to which they apply as well. But let me tell you about the hike...

I went to Blue Hills Reservation and decided to hike up Great Blue Hill. I parked in the lot by the Trailside Museum started up the Red Dot Trail which leads from the parking lot to the Observation Tower on the top of the hill. According to the maps that the Museum puts out, the trail is a one mile hike each way. The trail covers some fairly rough ground and leads over some fairly large rocks. But there are some smoother patches as well.

About halfway of the hill I stopped for a break and to sit for a moment. I was a little surprised at one point when I looked down and saw a rib. From the size, I would guess that it was from something about the size of a large fox or a small coyote. I think that these animals came to mind when I examined the rib because of my chosen sister. It had been picked clean and was sun-bleached so I can only assume that it had been there waiting for me for some time.

While I was taking a break halfway up the hill, I sat with the rib and some standing stones that I stood. I often stop at this location and stand stones. I fact I often reassemble these same stones, although they never come out in quite the same configuration. Not that I would want them to anyway.

So, after sitting for a while, I continued my journey up the hill. It took me a while to reach the top, and I was out of breath by the time I got there, but I did make it. Not first, and not fast, but they were not part of this goal.

I climbed the stairs up the Observation Tower and just stood looking out at the view. You can see for miles on a clear day, and today was very clear. I saw someone under an arch who seemed to be hiding some bottles, and a rather large group of parents and their children showed up, but they didn't climb the tower so it wasn't too bad. :)

I decided to walk the small trail around the top of the hill before heading back down. And I am VERY glad I did. I got an urge to head off the trail and followed it to an area that I don't think I have ever been to before. I was quite surprised when I came upon a structure. It might have looked like a pile of twigs to some people, but it seemed like much more to me.

I sat in the structure for a while. I tried to meditate but mainly ended up watching the ants and listening to the trees. I guess I should say that it was quite windy and the in this area the wind blew through the trees making some beautiful sounds. However, there was another sound that came through. The trees in this area were very tall and straight and the wind made them sway. While they were swaying, a couple of the trees would rub against each other. This produced a beautiful noise that sounded even better when combined with the creaking of the trees.

[ I wish I was better with words so I could describe this sounds for you. I am still fairly new to this type of writing and I am still finding my voice. ]

So I sat, and watched, and listened. And I meditated, or tried at least. And when I got up to leave I left a note simply saying "Thank You." I may not have been able to meditate, or even silence most of the thoughts I was having, but I still felt more at peace than I have for a long time.

I stopped a couple more times on my way back down in order to admire the view. It is amazing, but even the interstate (I-93) can look good from the right place and the right state of mind.

It occurs to me that this is not the first time that I have stumbled upon just the right quiet place at just the right time. I will have to post about the other time (times?) at some future time. For now, it is getting late, I need to post (and link) some pictures, and the battery on my laptop is running down. I know I could switch to AC power, but I think I'd rather not sit at my desk tonight. So I will finish this with what power I have left.

As an aside, I have linked to several pictures in this post. That is because I happened to have a digital camera with me. However, even when I have one with me, I don't usually take many pictures. Also, while the contents of this journal and the Buzznet journal may occasionally cross, don't expect anything like this very often. If you are interested in them you should probably check both.

That being said, There is a way to have thumbnail images of the last few pictures show up in another page. I will probably do it with this journal page, but that won't do anything for those of you reading one of the feeds.

Well, it is time for bed.

Peace and Pleasant Dreams.

Friday, April 30, 2004

So what's the big deal?

What I am about to say may be considered blasphemy by some people, especially by at least one person I work with, but it has to be said...

I don't like Krispy Kreme donuts.

I had my first chance to try Krispy Kreme donuts after they built one a couple miles down the road from where I live. I think it took less time for them to build the new building than it took for them to tear down the Bickford's that used to be on the same spot. And this new building looks much better than the old one.

So the Krispy Kreme, the first one in this area as far as I know, has been there a few weeks now, actually it has probably been a couple of months by this time, but I did not go in for quite a while. I have to be in the right mood for a donut and, because I am a Type II diabetic, I can't always have them even if I am in the right mood. That was the main reason I waited before I tried one, but it was not the only reason. One day, a couple of weeks after it opened, I was in a position to stop by and try one. However, when I got there I found that there was a line. Not just a line, but a LINE. There is no donut that is worth a line like that. The wait was (according to people who would know) between 30 and 40 minutes. That was the wait both at the counter and at the drive-through. FOR DONUTS!

However, a few days ago I was going by and there was no line so I thought I would see what the fuss was about. I stopped, went in, and bought three donuts. And by the time I turned around there were between 15 and 20 people in line behind me. Apparently I got there at exactly the right time. I bought three donuts with the intention of giving one or two of them, depending on how much I liked them, to my roommates. When I got back to the house there was no one else around so I ended up keeping all three. Not eating them, just keeping them.

So? How were they? What did you think of them?

I ate one (maybe two, I am not entirely sure) and really could not understand why anyone would stand in line for so long for these donuts. There was almost no substance to the donut itself, it was as if the ONLY point of the donut was to act as a way to give you the glaze without making too much of a mess. As for the glaze... It was extremely thick, viscous, and sickeningly sweet. And the most disturbing thing about the glaze was that even after leaving the remaining donut in the cab of my truck for two full days (unintentionally) the glaze had not changed consistency at all. It had not thickened, or dried, or hardened in any way.

Oh, I should also say that within an hour of eating the fresh donuts it felt like I was carrying a brick in my stomach.

I don't expect that I will be eating another Krispy Kreme any time soon. Not as long as I can get Dunkin' Donuts, or even better, Tim Horton's.

Namaje.

Monday, April 26, 2004

My weekend

I had a decent weekend. Not a great weekend, but certainly not a bad weekend. I didn't get much done, but I got out and enjoyed the weather.

I would have liked to head into the woods to hike, wander, sit, mediate, ... but I didn't. I suppose I could have, but I didn't think it would have been a good idea. Let me rephrase, I did think it would have been a great idea, but I didn't think it would have been a smart idea. I am a Type II diabetic, adult-onset, and my bloodsugar was not at a good level for hiking into the woods alone. So I went into Boston and walked around the city for the day. I figured that if I was wondering in the city there would be other people around, and if worse came to worst someone could at least call 911. I didn't really think anything would happen, but sometimes you have to think about these things.

So I wandered around Downtown Crossing and Fanuel Hall for a while stopping in Borders, Barnes & Noble, and checking out some other small shops. Eventually I got on the T, that's the subway for those of you not familiar with Boston, and headed over to Harvard Square to check out the Garage Mall. By the time I left the Garage I had bought three books. Two of Terry Pratchett's Discworld books, and the new Robert Aspirin Phule's Company book.

I kept wandering from there, heading back along Mass Ave towards Boston. At Central Square I decided to hop back on the T and took it back to the Commons. Eventually I wandered back to my truck to head home. However I did not head directly home.

By this point I realized that I should look into buying a new pair of shoes. The boots I was wearing were OK, but not great for doing that much walking, at least not until I get used to doing that much walking again. I checked a couple of places but wasn't able to find a pair that felt comfortable. It can be hard to find a good pair of size 13 shoes. I will keep looking, but, like I said, the boots I have will do if I don't find anything.

And that brings me to something new I am going to be doing...

You may have seen people putting together photo-blogs. I have signed up for a service called Buzznet where I will have one of my own. This photo-blog will be hosted on Buzznet's servers so that I don't have to worry about the photos using up all my bandwidth.

So, if you wish, you can visit My Buzznet Photoblog. There may only be one or two pictures there at the moment, or at least there will be once I upload them, but the number should growing.

Namaje.



UPDATE: I tried to upload a picture and Buzznet seems to be having some issues. I may decide to just put the pictures somewhere on this site. We'll see what happens. Watch for info here, and check my Buzznet link if I don't point you somewhere else.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Somehow this seems appropriate

Granted, any issues would be different from the ones mentioned in the strip, but it was the last line that really did it. That being said, I give you Queen of Wands for Monday, April 19, 2004.

I should probably point out that this is not a strip I read on a regular basis. It was mentioned to me and I have taken a look at it but I have only seen a couple of the latest strips. So don't take this as an endorsement of the site, only of the one page (or even one line) that I reference here.

Jeez, I can't believe I just wrote that disclaimer...