Thursday, July 31, 2003


I don't normally remember my dreams. In fact, it has been so long that I don't know if I even dream anymore. I know I used to dream, but the last time I can remember dreaming was years ago. At least until the last two nights.

I don't remember much about the dream I had the night before last except that when I looked in the mirror I did not recognize the face that was looking back at me.

And then there was last night, and the nightmares...

I don't remember what happened in the nightmares last night, just that they were bad enough that by the time I was awake enough to realize what was going on I was standing beside my bed with the light on, I was sweating and my heart was pounding. It took a while before I could lay back down and go to sleep again.

I don't know whether it is a good thing I can't remember the nightmare or not. On the one hand, it might give me some clue about what has been bothering me for the past couple of weeks; but on the other hand, I have had some pretty vivid nightmares in my life and I don't need any more in my psyche right now. There are images I can remember from nightmares years ago that I can remember like they happened last night. And these were nightmares I had between 20 and 25 years ago.

I want to write more about what I have been going through the last couple weeks / month, but I don't know what most of it is. And what little I do understand I can't put into words yet. But I will keep trying.

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