Table For One?

Well, a few days ago I suddenly found myself single again.

There's not much to say about it. Things had gotten tense when we both got sick at the same time {Actually, one injury and one new chronic condition} and didn't really ease as things got better. I was trying to find the cause of the tension in order to figure out if there was anything to do, but I guess she wasn't.

I don't begrudge her this. I know how much she had/has going on and how many issues there are with her, her job, and her family.

Still...

Even if I am not upset about what she did, I do have a problem with how she did it.

If she had just said "I can't do this and we need to breakup" it would have been fine. But that is not what she did.

I guess she felt that she needed to give an enumerated list of reasons, a couple of which seemed quite mean-spirited. And following it up by moving it into a rant, no... more of a discussion, of a latest issues and how bad that day had been, well, that was completely unnecessary.

Oh, did I mention that it was over the phone?

How about that she called me from her car?

While she was driving on her way to meet some friends?

So yes, I'm OK with the breakup, but not with the way it was handled.

Happy Freakin' Birthday!

A couple of days ago was my birthday. OK, it was Thursday. I took a couple of days off work, after all who wants to work on their birthday.

Thursday was a day to sleep in, and caught up on some reading and movies, and generally just relax. At least that was the idea.

It mostly worked out that way with the exception that I couldn't relax the way I was hoping. I had to stay pretty close to home, specifically the smallest room in my home, most of the day. But that helped me get more reading done.

Friday was more of the same, although I was able to wander a little further afield.

Saturday was pouring rain which suited my mood. Dark, miserable, and keeping me from lighting a fire under myself to get me out and moving.

I did talk briefly to a couple of friends. I will be meeting one of the for a few games of pool this week, and will be meeting the other for dinner next week. Both of these I am looking forward to.

Today I didn't want to get out of bed, but I eventually did. Now I am sitting and typing this in Borders Books, trying to decide if I should buy a couple of magazines I was looking at.

I have just started taking pictures again. If any of them turn out I'll start posting them again.

I am coming back...

I have been away from this blog for a while now, but I am going to return. Hopefully sometime soon.

A couple of quick notes on what I have been doing since my last post:

• I have been dating someone since the end of May / beginning of June.
• My diabetes medications have been changed and we are still trying to find the right dose of the new meds.
• I caught Bronchitis and had to go through two rounds of antibiotics before it cleared.
• I was coughing so violently due to the bronchitis that I injured my back, and it has still not quite recovered.

What have you been doing?

Are you still there?

Namaje.

I Still Miss You Dad

Today is a sad anniversary for me. My father died April 12, 1990. I was 21.

I wrote about this before. But I have more to say about it now.

His name was Harland and he passed away peacefully in his sleep, but it was well too early. He was 55 when a brain aneurysm took him from us. We know it was peaceful because my mother was sleeping beside him and didn't know anything was wrong until the she was up, making breakfast, and couldn't wake him up.

I was working a night shift at the time and had been gotten home and gone to bed as my mother was getting up. Just over an hour later my mother woke me up. She didn't want me to be woken up by my pager going off and calling me to an emergency at my own home.

See, at the time I was a member of the local volunteer fire department, and being that it was a rural area the fire department were the first responders for all injuries and similar emergencies as well as fires.

I remember that whole day quite vividly.

I remember my mother telling me to go back to bed.
I remember thinking I would never sleep again.
I remember holding it together while my sisters fell apart.
I remember my mother breaking down in the hospital.
I remember calling one of my friends and her coming to support me.
I remember seeing my father in a hospital bed with a lot of tubes and no brain activity.
I remember them declaring my father dead and us having to discuss what to do next.

I remember walking out to the hospital and going to pieces in Sandra's arms on a park bench because my legs wouldn't hold me anymore.

I remember my friends keeping me company and making sure I was not alone for the next few days.

However, much of the next few days is a blur, and I don't remember much of them.

...

Every year on this day I take some time by myself to remember and reflect.

I still miss my dad but I am eternally grateful for the 21 years he was in my life, and the lessons he taught me. Especially the lessons I learned when he didn't realize he was teaching.

I am the man I am today because of my father.

Thank you Dad.

Hibernation

How did it get to be April already? It seems like just last week it was New Year's. And I feel like I have been asleep for months.

I didn't feel like I was asleep at the time, at least not until the last couple of weeks, but now I certainly feel like I am waking up. And it has taken me those weeks to wake up. Or at least to get to the point I am at now.

I still don't feel fully awake, but I am starting to feel more fully myself. Spring must be just about here.

Some people seem to think it is here. As I sit here typing this I am looking at a mix of people, some wearing heavy jackets and hoodies, some not, and at least one wearing a golf shirt and shorts.

And me? I don't think Spring is quite here yet, but it won't be long now. This bear is finally starting to come out of hibernation.

I think I'm going to get out of my cave and into the woods to stretch my legs. I can't wait for things to be Green again.

Peace.