WyldWoods' Public Journal

Sick and on the Couch

2011-03-14T03:46:00.000-04:00

I hadn't realised it had been so long since I posted. I kept meaning to check in here and would even be planning what I was going to write, but I never actually typed it in and hit Post.

So... Here, in a nut shell, are a few things from the last few months:

...

I did get in touch with some of the people I was talking about at the end of my last post.

I spoke to the mother of my god-daughter and found out how both of them are doing.

I got to visit with one of my brothers and enjoyed the weekend I spent there.

I went and played pool with one of my best friends, who also happens to be the first friend I made when I moved over 1000km away from home, to a new town in what was, for me, a foreign country. The move was for a job with a 6-12 month contract. That was over 15 years ago.

I have talked to others as well but there are still more that I have not spoken to and am looking forward to the time that I can.

...

I resolved to lose weight. I have a goal in mind, and as of a couple of weeks ago I was 40 pounds above that goal. That is a lot of weight, it doesn't look as much on a 6'5" frame but it is still noticeable and I want to be rid of it.

In order to help me lose the weight I am getting out and walking. My normal walk, which I told myself I would do at least 3 times a week, is 2.2 miles according to my GPS tracker. More on this below.

...

I was deathly ill over Christmas. For several days I could barely keep water down and survived on Pedialyte because it was the only thing that wouldn't overtax my system. Can I tell you that it quickly gets pretty disgusting when it is the only thing you are consuming for several days. It took weeks before I started to feel even mostly myself. Then I came down with a sinus infection which lingered for a while and kept me down longer.

It was somewhere in there that I fell into a depression which I am still clawing my way out of.

All of this means that I have not been myself and I have not gotten out to do my walking.

So, I am still about 40 pounds from my goal weight and I have been only been doing my walk once, maybe twice, a week. There have been entire weekends where I didn't leave my apartment or only got out long enough to pick up some groceries. This is changing.

...

There have been several nights that I ended up sleeping on my couch.

I would go to bed but couldn't fall asleep. I would get up and do ... whatever trying to relax enough to fall asleep, but would find that I just couldn't get to sleep. At least not until I laid on the couch to read. Eventually, I got to the point where if I couldn't get to sleep I would just move out to the couch and sleep there.

It mostly worked.

...

So this is the first of my catch-up posts. It covers a lot of things but not even close to all of it.

Like my walk tonight... But that is a story for another post.

For now... Goodnight.

I Miss Christmas

2010-12-20T23:38:00.003-05:00

I remember Christmases as a child. Even after I had figured out Santa's secret there was still a magic to it.

After moving out on my own I still spent Christmas with my family, and that made it special.

It has been a couple of years since I made home and I was planning on being up there sometime during these holidays but I have been unable to go. My work visa is under review for a renewal at the moment and if I went home I would be unable to come back.

This has had me feeling depressed lately. But, as I realized this weekend, that is only part of it. Another piece fell into place over the last 24 hours.

...

Those of you who have known me for a while, even if it is only from reading this blog, will remember a few years ago there was a woman in my life that I referred to as TWIL, and she had a daughter I referred to as The Sprout.

At the time TWIL and I had discussed it and we knew that we would one day be married, we just did not officially become engaged. You will also remember I took it pretty hard when the relationship ended.

During the time we were together The Sprout was young, pre-teen, and spending Christmas with them was wonderful. I was able to help bring the magic to others and in the process rediscover it myself.

What I didn't realize was how much I missed this when I lost it as well...

I miss the magic, the wonder... I miss the Christmas that was.

It has been building in the back of my mind for the last couple of years and has only now bubbled to the surface. I hope that the revelation helps me unload some of the baggage I have been packing.

And I hope getting this out now helps me finally get to sleep tonight. {He writes at 2AM}

...

I need to call a couple of friends soon. Check in on how they are doing.

And see how my god-daughter is doing.

Maybe even get out to see some of them, at least the ones close enough to get to over a weekend trip.

For now, I need to sleep. I have work to go to in the morning.

Return Trip

2010-07-05T21:00:00.005-04:00

Well, thank you. I missed you.

Actually, I missed my bed which happens to be in MA.

Where I Am Right Now

2010-06-11T20:58:00.001-04:00

Free tickets to a Red Sox game? Sure I'll take them.

The Sun Will Come Out One Of These Days

2010-03-29T23:50:00.004-04:00

The weather is really starting to get to me. It feels like it has been raining for the past three weeks. We have had a few days without but they have all been during the week.

This time we finally got a break and had sun on the weekend. {OK, not really sun, but at least it was dry.} And I got to get out and do something.

OK, I didn't do much on Saturday, I really needed the down time to just veg and do a few things around the apartment.

Sunday, I hopped on the "T", Boston's subway and mass transit system, and headed in town to wander for a while. I spent some time wandering around Harvard Square and some other parts of Cambridge.

The plus side is that I got to spend time outside in the fresh{ish} air. I'm looking forward to things drying out some so I can spend some time in the woods on some hiking paths.

The down side is that I am limping today after injuring my foot.

The injury is such that I can barely put any weight onto the front of it, but I can still put weight on my heel. At least I can put enough pressure on the front so that I can still drive.

Otherwise, I'd start to go stir-crazy. {As opposed to my regular crazy.}

Contradictions Galore

2010-02-13T20:56:00.006-05:00

I really don't want be here. Not that there is a problem with this specific location, I just don't want to be anywhere right now.

I don't want to deal with people.

I don't want to be alone.

I don't want to sit at home.

I don't want to go anywhere.

I don't want to be touched.

But I could use a hug.

I am nothing but contradictions right now.

This has me thinking of several of my friends, especially my Damsel in Shining Armour.

I suppose I should explain who I am talking about since I haven't mentioned her here before.

My Damsel (in Shining Armour) is a very good friend of mine who I've known for about 8 years now. She was 14 when I met her and her mother, who is also a good friend, and I have been watching her grow into an amazing woman. {Not in a creepy way. The perverts in my audience need to stop thinking that.}

Something you need to know, if you don't already, is that I am a large man. I am 6'5", about 300 pounds, and apparently people can find me intimidating. She is maybe 5'1", almost painfully cute, and has the poise, grace, and appearance of a storybook princess. I am protective of all my friends but there is something about this girl that brings this out even more.

There was a night last May when I was having another really bad night and happened to bump into My Damsel. In fact that encounter is the reason I will think of her as My Damsel in Shining Armour.

As I said, I was having a really bad time, due to various interpersonal issues, when she came over. She asked me what was wrong and I told her that issues around a particular person were really getting to me. At this she just stopped, looked me in the eye, and with a fierceness and protectiveness I have rarely seen in anyone said "Who do I have to kill?"

The princess was protecting the knight.

...

I wrote the above earlier tonight and saved it since I wasn't sure what was going to come next, and I really was thinking of going to see a movie and needed to check the listings.

I did not make it to the movies, but I did visit Borders for a while.

I feel a bit better than I did when I started this post, as well as a lot more tired.

I'm off to bed and hope I feel even better tomorrow after a good night's sleep.

G'Night all.

Maine can be fun in the winter?

2010-01-26T16:48:00.006-05:00

Well, I said in my last post that I was looking for things to do, and was taking suggestions from anyone who wanted to offer one. I am still taking suggestions.

This past weekend I went to visit a friend of mine in Southern Maine. She lives a little more than a two hour drive away from me, so within the range I laid out for what I am currently comfortable doing, and had invited me to come up to visit. She also doesn't get many visitors, so it is usually just her and her two young {single digit ages} children.

It was fun. We hung out, talked, watched a movie, etc. Her son wanted to learn how to play chess so we did that as well. He did quite well for someone who had just learned how to play, and who was still figuring out how some of the pieces move. {Like how a pawn moves one space forward at a time but captures diagonally.}

On Sunday we went sledding, the first time I have gone sledding in a loooooong. I had forgotten just how much fun it can be. I had also forgotten how much you can get bounced around. The muscles in my neck are still a little sore but it was well worth it. {Unfortunately, I did not have my camera with me, and my phone was charging, so there are no pictures. I'll be better prepared next time.}

This coming weekend I will be heading to a friend's house on Cape Cod for "Movie Night." It sounds like it will be a small one, only a half dozen or so people, but still looking forward to it.

February is still open...

Follow-up and Request for Suggestions

2010-01-21T21:34:00.003-05:00

Following up on my last post:

It's been a little over a week since the medication cut was made and the pain is pretty much gone. The aches are still there but no longer constant and continue to ease.

Bloodsugar is still much higher than it should be, but it has not gone up since the drastic cut in the level of my meds.

Sleep is still an issue. Well, not sleep so much as getting out of bed in the morning after I finally do get to sleep. {Usually around 2:00AM, later on the weekends.}

...

Now I just need to start doing things again. Of course being able to sleep so I can get up in the morning would help with that.

I have plans for this weekend and we'll see how they go. Then I guess I need to figure out other things to do for the next few weeks, months, ...

On that note:

I'm near Boston, although probably closer to Providence RI than Boston, and am open to suggestions for seasonally appropriate things to do.

In fact... let me codify that a bit.

I was talking to a friend of mine last night and they were talking about taking a series of day trips just to get out and see/do things. I think this sounds like a really good, and fun, thing. We may do some together, but I'm sure there will be plenty of individual things as well.

I'm not sure that I'm up for long drives again yet, but within a couple of hours of here is do-able.

So what I am looking for, if anyone is interested, is suggestions for things to do, things to see, places to go, that are within a 2 hour drive of the Boston-Providence area. Day trips preferred.

Any reasonable suggestions will be taken, and I will post at least one picture.

Reasonable suggestions that are not seasonal/weather appropriate will be held until an appropriate time. Things further away will also wait until I am up to making those longer trips again.

There are a couple of trips I'd like to take, to see people I haven't seen in too long, which are about 6 hours away, and at least one other that is more like 14 hours away. Those trips will have to wait a bit longer.

So... Any suggestions?

Becoming Myself

2010-01-17T22:20:00.003-05:00

"To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle."
George Orwell

As has been mentioned on here in the past, I am a diabetic.

A few months ago my medication was changed due to the old medication losing its effectiveness. This is known to happen in as few as 5-8 years for some people. I got just about 12 years. A pretty good run by all accounts.

As with any new medication, you start with a lower dose and then adjust it upwards until you find the right level. We, me and my doctor, started adjusting the dose up, having to adjust it very slowly due to possible adverse effects if done too fast. {Think diabetic collapse, necessitating an ambulance ride if I could even make it to the phone.}

To cut a long story short, the meds didn't work as expected.

It was helping, and was improving things to a certain point, but after that point the improvement in bloodsugar stopped. So we kept increasing the dose since we were well below to allowed maximum, and did not see any further improvement.

What I did see, but it took me a while to figure this out, was that it was causing other issues. Headaches, insomnia, nausea, lethargy, just to name a few. {I have some insomnia to begin with, this took me from 6-7 hours a night down to 4-5.} Generally speaking I became a rather large lump who was in constant discomfort, if not all out pain.

I also wasn't always thinking straight. On the worst days it was all I could do to make it through work.

So it took a while, but eventually I caught on to what was happening.

So we cut the dosage back, to about a third of what it had reached, and my bloodsugar is still at the same high-ish level, but the aches and pains have eased and I am starting to get my energy back. The insomnia still sucks, but I have hopes for that as well.

So my doctor is still looking for alternatives and I am trying to get back to feeling like myself. Which is happening. Slowly, but it is happening.

Happy New Year.

~~I don't know if anyone is still reading this, but it doesn't really matter. I have always felt that I was writing it for me, and not necessarily for anyone else.~~ {Self-doubt still there but, like most everything else, improving.}

Table For One?

2009-11-10T23:21:00.000-05:00

Well, a few days ago I suddenly found myself single again.

There's not much to say about it. Things had gotten tense when we both got sick at the same time {Actually, one injury and one new chronic condition} and didn't really ease as things got better. I was trying to find the cause of the tension in order to figure out if there was anything to do, but I guess she wasn't.

I don't begrudge her this. I know how much she had/has going on and how many issues there are with her, her job, and her family.

Still...

Even if I am not upset about what she did, I do have a problem with how she did it.

If she had just said "I can't do this and we need to breakup" it would have been fine. But that is not what she did.

I guess she felt that she needed to give an enumerated list of reasons, a couple of which seemed quite mean-spirited. And following it up by moving it into a rant, no... more of a discussion, of a latest issues and how bad that day had been, well, that was completely unnecessary.

Oh, did I mention that it was over the phone?

How about that she called me from her car?

While she was driving on her way to meet some friends?

So yes, I'm OK with the breakup, but not with the way it was handled.

Happy Freakin' Birthday!

2009-10-04T17:22:00.001-04:00

A couple of days ago was my birthday. OK, it was Thursday. I took a couple of days off work, after all who wants to work on their birthday.

Thursday was a day to sleep in, and caught up on some reading and movies, and generally just relax. At least that was the idea.

It mostly worked out that way with the exception that I couldn't relax the way I was hoping. I had to stay pretty close to home, specifically the smallest room in my home, most of the day. But that helped me get more reading done.

Friday was more of the same, although I was able to wander a little further afield.

Saturday was pouring rain which suited my mood. Dark, miserable, and keeping me from lighting a fire under myself to get me out and moving.

I did talk briefly to a couple of friends. I will be meeting one of the for a few games of pool this week, and will be meeting the other for dinner next week. Both of these I am looking forward to.

Today I didn't want to get out of bed, but I eventually did. Now I am sitting and typing this in Borders Books, trying to decide if I should buy a couple of magazines I was looking at.

I have just started taking pictures again. If any of them turn out I'll start posting them again.

I am coming back...

2009-09-09T14:30:00.002-04:00

I have been away from this blog for a while now, but I am going to return. Hopefully sometime soon.

A couple of quick notes on what I have been doing since my last post:

I have been dating someone since the end of May / beginning of June.
My diabetes medications have been changed and we are still trying to find the right dose of the new meds.
I caught Bronchitis and had to go through two rounds of antibiotics before it cleared.
I was coughing so violently due to the bronchitis that I injured my back, and it has still not quite recovered.

What have you been doing?

Are you still there?

Namaje.

I Still Miss You Dad

2009-04-12T22:13:00.004-04:00

Today is a sad anniversary for me. My father died April 12, 1990. I was 21.

I wrote about this before. But I have more to say about it now.

His name was Harland and he passed away peacefully in his sleep, but it was well too early. He was 55 when a brain aneurysm took him from us. We know it was peaceful because my mother was sleeping beside him and didn't know anything was wrong until the she was up, making breakfast, and couldn't wake him up.

I was working a night shift at the time and had been gotten home and gone to bed as my mother was getting up. Just over an hour later my mother woke me up. She didn't want me to be woken up by my pager going off and calling me to an emergency at my own home.

See, at the time I was a member of the local volunteer fire department, and being that it was a rural area the fire department were the first responders for all injuries and similar emergencies as well as fires.

I remember that whole day quite vividly.

I remember my mother telling me to go back to bed.
I remember thinking I would never sleep again.
I remember holding it together while my sisters fell apart.
I remember my mother breaking down in the hospital.
I remember calling one of my friends and her coming to support me.
I remember seeing my father in a hospital bed with a lot of tubes and no brain activity.
I remember them declaring my father dead and us having to discuss what to do next.

I remember walking out to the hospital and going to pieces in Sandra's arms on a park bench because my legs wouldn't hold me anymore.

I remember my friends keeping me company and making sure I was not alone for the next few days.

However, much of the next few days is a blur, and I don't remember much of them.

...

Every year on this day I take some time by myself to remember and reflect.

I still miss my dad but I am eternally grateful for the 21 years he was in my life, and the lessons he taught me. Especially the lessons I learned when he didn't realize he was teaching.

I am the man I am today because of my father.

Thank you Dad.

Hibernation

2009-04-05T11:19:00.002-04:00

How did it get to be April already? It seems like just last week it was New Year's. And I feel like I have been asleep for months.

I didn't feel like I was asleep at the time, at least not until the last couple of weeks, but now I certainly feel like I am waking up. And it has taken me those weeks to wake up. Or at least to get to the point I am at now.

I still don't feel fully awake, but I am starting to feel more fully myself. Spring must be just about here.

Some people seem to think it is here. As I sit here typing this I am looking at a mix of people, some wearing heavy jackets and hoodies, some not, and at least one wearing a golf shirt and shorts.

And me? I don't think Spring is quite here yet, but it won't be long now. This bear is finally starting to come out of hibernation.

I think I'm going to get out of my cave and into the woods to stretch my legs. I can't wait for things to be Green again.

Peace.

99 Things meme

2008-12-22T23:21:00.006-05:00

{Nicked from Mosher, but if he really misses it he can have it back.}

I hope some of you will follow along. If you do, please link back to this post. OK, let me lay out how it works.

Everyone uses the same list of 99 Things.
You will want to remove any brief comments I've added. {They will look like this.}
Feel free to add brief comments of your own.
Change the font of each item as follows:

Things you’ve already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven’t done and don’t want to: leave in plain font

99 Things

started your own blog {This one should be obvious}

slept under the stars

played in a band {an elementary school band, but still...}

visited Hawaii

watched a meteor shower

given more than you can afford to charity {It was not much at the time, but it still left me short on bus fare.}

been to Disneyland/world

climbed a mountain

held a praying mantis

sang a solo {Trust me, no one wants this.}

bungee jumped

visited Paris

watched a lightning storm at sea

taught yourself an art from scratch {Balloon sculpture if you are curious.}

adopted a child {Under the right circumstances this would change to a "want to"}

had food poisoning

walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

grown your own vegetables

seen the Mona Lisa in France

slept on an overnight train {And it wasn't in a sleeping car.}

had a pillow fight

hitch hiked

taken a sick day when you’re not ill

built a snow fort

held a lamb

gone skinny dipping

run a marathon {Walk one maybe.}

ridden a gondola in Venice

seen a total eclipse {Solar and Lunar}

watched a sunrise or sunset

hit a home run

been on a cruise

seen Niagara Falls in person {And want to again.}

visited the birthplace of your ancestors

seen an Amish community

taught yourself a new language {Only if you count computer languages.}

had enough money to be truly satisfied {Didn't want or need as much as a kid.}{Never as an adult.}

seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

gone rock climbing

seen Michelangelo’s David in person

sung karaoke

seen Old Faithful geyser erupt in person

bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant {OK, it was coffee and a muffin in a diner.}

visited Africa

walked on a beach by moonlight

been transported in an ambulance {After the worst of my car accidents.}

had your portrait painted

gone deep sea fishing

seen the Sistine Chapel in person

been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

gone scuba diving or snorkeling

kissed in the rain

played in the mud

gone to a drive-in theatre

been in a movie {See an earlier post.}

visited the Great Wall of China

started a business {It didn't last.}

taken a martial arts class

visited Russia

served at a soup kitchen

sold girl scout cookies

gone whale watching

gotten flowers for no reason

donated blood

gone sky diving

visited a Nazi concentration camp

bounced a cheque

flown in a helicopter

saved a favourite childhood toy

visited the Lincoln memorial

eaten caviar

pieced a quilt {OK, an explanation here... My mother and Grandmother made a lot of quilts and occasionally would ask me to help them layout pieces, and always asked me to help them stretch them for the actual quilting.}

stood in Times Square

toured the Everglades

been fired from a job

seen the changing of the guard in London

broken a bone {It was even mine.}

been on a speeding motorcycle

seen the Grand Canyon in person

published a book

visited the Vatican

bought a brand new car

walked in Jerusalem

had your picture in the newspaper

read the entire bible

visited the White House

killed and prepared an animal for eating

had chickenpox

saved someone’s life {I hope I'm not in a situation where someone's life needs saving.}

sat on a jury {Called several times, never picked.}

met someone famous {Bill Cosby, Lee Aaron, and Willie Nelson for a start.}

joined a book club

lost a loved one

had a baby {As the father, not getting pregnant myself.}

seen the alamo in person

swum in the great salt lake

been involved in a law suit

owned a cell phone

been stung by a bee

So that gives us totals of:

44 Things I have done.
37 Things I would like to do.
18 Things I have not done and could do without.

What have you got?

4 Hours

2008-11-30T01:30:00.004-05:00

That's how much sleep I managed to get last night, or should I say this morning. 4 Hours. And that started a LOT later than I had really wanted. Late enough that it might have been better to get none at all.

It was just past 5AM when I published my last post and tried to get to sleep. It didn't work and I tried different things that I thought might help, none of them did.

So around 7AM I gave up and got in the shower. That at least made me feel somewhat better and I started thinking about what I'd have for breakfast. Then I woke up about 4 hours later.

As I check the clock now, it is 1:38AM and feel a lot more awake than I would like.

Good thing I picked up some generic form of Tylenol PM. I'll be trying that out in a few minutes to see if it helps me get to sleep before 2AM tonight. Good thing I don't have to get up early tomorrow.

...

Oh, and as for the phone call(s) I was talking about last night...

None got made today. In fact, I didn't talk to anyone I know today. I barely spoke to anyone at all.

When I got out and around this afternoon I constantly found myself either in a lot of traffic or a crush of bodies. Neither of which I seemed to be equipped to deal with today. I was only able to keep a pleasant demeanour when I kept my mouth shut.

When I went to say anything I found myself ready to tell people what I really thought about being knocked around by the crowds trying to beat each other to the best sales. However, if I kept my mouth shut I was able to smile and be pleasant. {OK, it might not have been much of a smile but it was more than anyone else seemed to be wearing.}

And to quote Jimmy Stewart's character of Elwood P. Dowd in the movie "Harvey":

My mother used to say to me ... "In this world you need to be very, very smart, or very, very pleasant."

I've been smart. I recommend pleasant.

Not quite the same circumstances, but something to keep in mind. {And a movie well worth watching if you haven't already seen it.}

I think I've begun to ramble. So I'm off to take the PM and head to bed.

Wish me luck.

What Am I Doing?

2008-11-29T04:24:00.003-05:00

It's 4:00AM and I am sitting here at the computer when I should be sleeping. But I wasn't able to sleep earlier. I'll be trying again shortly, hopefully with better results.

I've spent the last couple of hours trying to figure out if any one I know is located in a time zone that I could call without causing panic. No one expects anything but bad news when their phone rings after midnight.

I really wanted to talk to someone. But I didn't NEED to talk to someone. If I had I know there are a couple of people who would have forgiven the late call.

Well, I'll make a call or two over the weekend when I'm ready to talk.

...

I should mention here that I'm not looking for anyone to call me. In fact there is a good chance that my phone will be off this weekend if I'm not making calls myself.

Unfortunately there are things about this that I can't write about here due to promises I made.

Yes, this is some of the heavy stuff alluded to a couple of posts ago which has been on my mind.

...

And it is now past 5:00AM and I am going to go try to get a couple of hours sleep.

Seven Random Things

2008-11-19T23:09:00.003-05:00

I don't know if any of you noticed, but this site was down for a couple of days at the start of this week. I am using the Custom Domains feature of Blogger and made a few changes. Apparently a couple of those changes worked together to confuse the system and things stopped working.

I got the issues straightened out and things seem to be working correctly again.

...

I was tagged by Ricardipus and so it is time to give you:

Seven Random Things About WyldWoods

I was driving by the time I was 11 years old. This was largely because I spent a lot of time in the country and working relatives farms when I was a kid and needed to take my turn driving the trucks and tractors while we were bailing hay, gathering the harvest, etc.

I have stuck my foot into both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. I swam in the Atlantic a lot growing up in Nova Scotia but have never been west of Niagara Falls in my home country of Canada. I have however been on both coasts in the United States.

I have been to more than one Tractor Pull as well as a Monster Truck show. And I enjoyed all of them.

I had to wear a back brace for almost two years. For the second half of the 5th grade through to the first month or two of the 7th grade. Narrowly avoided back surgery.

I have been hit by a car. I was riding my bike when a car hit the front of the bike, completely mangling it and throwing me across the hood. The driver didn't stick around.

My father died when I was 21. I am now 40 and I still miss him.

I worked at a mental hospital for 2 years. From what I saw there I can say that some of the patients were more sane than a lot of the staff.

So, that's seven and that's all I have for tonight. Mostly because it is almost midnight and I need to get some sleep.

Peace.

Oh, and I guess I'm supposed to tag others. Well, it's late and I can't think of anyone in particular, so I guess I'll say anyone who reads this who hasn't already done it. {If you link your post back to this one it will make it easier for me to find them.}

A Day of Remembrance

2008-11-11T22:22:00.003-05:00

Today is Remembrance Day. At least it is at home, and several other places I could name, but it isn't here. Here it is Veteran's Day. The big difference between the days being that around here nobody really seemed to notice, other than the school children who spent the day running around or playing video games.

In the past I have posted "In Flander's Fields" and "The Fields of Flanders" and I once posted some thoughts about people who serve.

Today I have been thinking about my family and friends who have served / are serving.

Lest We Forget...

...

But what about those times we can't stop remembering?

For a few weeks now I have not been able to get certain people out of my mind. Some are people who have passed out of my life for one reason or another, while a few of them have passed out of this world entirely.

I think I miss the ones that are still here more. I know that I will not be able to talk to the others again while I am still here.

There is more to say, but I can't say it yet. I'm just not ready.

...

Oh, and I know I've been tagged by Ricardipus but it is getting late and I desperately need to get some sleep. I'll get it posted within the week.

Maurice Foxx ( 1948 - 2008 )

2008-08-17T01:49:00.006-04:00

Maurice was a good man and a great friend. Who, over the years, told people that he didn't think there would be more than a handful of people at his funeral.

Well, his funeral was held on Wednesday and there were more than a handful of people there. In fact there were hundreds and it was standing room only in the foyer once all the seats (and several spaces on the floor) were taken long before the receiving line was complete.

Several people, both family and friends, spoke and by the end there was not a dry eye in the place. I know I was brought to tears several times during the service.

And then in was over.

And then we found out that his family and his tribe were leaving to spread his ashes and they had decided this ceremony would be open to his friends as well if they wished to attend. Which we very much did.

So we all headed out to a relatively quiet section of beach where the tribe performed a cleansing ceremony {They smudged everyone} and prepared for the final part of the ceremony in which Maurice's daughters took his ashes, got in a canoe with two rowers, one of whom was also Maurice's son, and started rowing out into the ocean. However Maurice got the last laugh.

The canoe was sitting very low in the water, much too low for the height of the waves, and as they rowed out the canoe kept taking on water as the waves broke over the gunnels.

By the time the canoe was out almost out to where his ashes would be spread it was completely swamped. And then another wave hit and the canoe went over. The people who had been in the canoe were now hanging onto the canoe while one of Maurice's daughters shook the skin, which had been used to wrap the ashes, over head and let the wind spread the ashes behind them.

Once everyone on the beach was sure that those in the water were safe there was much whooping. This was accompanied by a lot of cheering, laughter, and shouts of "Maurice never would have wanted to go in by himself."

It certainly lightened the mood, and reminded everyone of the sense of humour Maurice had, and his good nature.

He will be sorely missed.

Not The Fresh Start I Was Looking For

2008-08-12T14:15:00.001-04:00

I know it has been six months since I last posted and a lot happened in those months. However, I am not going to get into all of it right now. I wanted a fresh start on this journal.

Unfortunately, this fresh start is going to be a sad note as I will be going to Cape Cod for a funeral tomorrow.

Thursday night a very good friend of mine passed away. About a week after surgery on his neck, while recovering at home, he died from complications from said surgery. The Cape Cod Times published an article about him.

...

That aside, I am back and I am posting.

Hopefully with happier news from here on out.

Adding Injury To Insult

2008-02-04T16:17:00.000-05:00

My weekend was uneventful. At first because of the pain, then because of the Vicoden.

I had a tooth get very painful very fast requiring an emergency call to my dentist. Once I had described everything to him, he said it sounded like the tooth had developed an abscess and suggested a treatment of antibiotics for a day to make the it easier on everyone when he treated the abscess.

He also said he would give me a painkiller to help get me through.

So, I went to the pharmacy to pick up the prescriptions and picked up a one week supply of Amoxicillin and a two day supply of Vicoden.

The Vicoden wiped out the pain, but it pretty much wiped me out as well. The rest of the weekend was spent feeling half asleep.

...

It was drilled and drained this morning, but due to how inflamed the nerve was, it could not be completely numbed. In fact the dentist had to give me an extra injection directly into the pulp and nerve of the tooth after it had been drilled.

Try to avoid this is you can. It is even more painful than it sounds.

But the Pulpectomy was completed and once the rest of the infection is treated I get to go back to complete the root canal.

Wheeeeee...

Tell Me Something Good

2008-01-30T23:47:00.000-05:00

I need to write something, but it's a document completely unconnected to this journal.

I also need to write a long rant here but I can't yet. Things are still happening and I can't say anything until it all shakes out.

Several days have been wrecked...

The faith I had been rebuilding in humanity took a big blow...

I was reminded of just how much crazy is out there and that you better be DAMN sure before you trust anyone.

...

I did get some of the rant out of my system talking to my brother. Enough that I think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

My insomnia has been acting up lately, and with all the adrenalin that was flowing through my system I didn't think I'd be able to sleep before March.

...

I don't like writing posts that are quite this cryptic. I'll try to have some real information in my next post. Probably not about this, not that soon, but about something.

In the meantime...

Let me know there is still good out there somewhere. Leave a comment with something to make a person smile.

I'll try to at least manage a smirk.

Hack Wheeze Snort Gasp **

2008-01-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

I've been coughing and wheezing for several days now. I caught a nasty cold which has completely filled my sinuses as well as kept me coughing. There were even a couple of mornings I woke up to a tightness in my chest due to trouble breathing. I have been very careful to make sure I use 12-hour decongestant before bed. No more of this 4-hour ~~sh*t~~ stuff.

Not being able to breathe properly, or at all at times, through my nose has done wonders for my throat. My voice has gotten raspy and threatened to leave.

So, I took it easy this weekend. In fact I didn't even leave my apartment yesterday. Just rested, read, and watched some DVDs.

And shivered.

Not a lot, but some. And only partly because I was cold. {Yes, I was cold. This will mean more to some of you.}

I still needed to rest today, but I also had to work on a couple of projects with approaching deadlines. Splitting the difference, I worked from home.

...

On another note, 3 out of the last 8 nights I have woken up between 3 and 4AM after tossing and turning trying to get to sleep.

I hate insomnia.

And it's that much worse when you need rest to get over a sinus cold.

What about Bill?

2008-01-14T20:31:00.001-05:00

Year End Special

2007-12-31T23:54:00.000-05:00

It took me a long time to get into anything approaching a "Christmas Spirit."

The last two years were the best Christmases I have had since I was a child. I got to spend them with, and as part of, a wonderful family. I got to help Santa with his Christmas surprises.

This year, I spent a lot of time feeling like I was missing out. Of course this kept me from joining in, and therefore ensured that I missed out.

I got into the spirit late in the season. I didn't get any Christmas cards sent and even though I had a few Christmas presents, they didn't get delivered either. I have no idea when they will get to the appropriate people.

...

My sister sent me a book for Christmas. I have not read it yet, but very much appreciate it and look forward to reading it.

...

I have also been spending more time talking to, and hanging out with, friends. Both old and new. Some I have known over 12 years, some for less then 12 weeks.

We have played pool, video games, card games, and just hung out and talked. Oh, and listened to very good music. You should check out S.J. Tucker and see if she is singing in your area.

...

My resolutions from last year:

I am still 25 pounds off my goal weight.

I read 4 more books than my goal.

You know how my writing resolution has gone.

My new apartment is a lot more organized than my old place was, but still needs some work.

My resolutions for the upcoming year will be in a following post.

Home In My Harbour

2007-11-16T15:52:00.000-05:00

The Passport Office didn't go as well as I'd hoped, but it went OK. There were more rules changes than I knew about...

Apparently they can no longer mail your passport to you. And you have to pick it up at the same office where you submitted your application. That meant that I couldn't pick it up at the Canadian Consulate office in Boston either.

The good news... For an extra fee of $30 they can rush the process and have it ready for me Friday. {Today} However, since I had to pick up the passport this afternoon I couldn't leave this morning and will now be driving back down tomorrow.

Not too bad since it turned out there was a major wind and rain storm until the early afternoon.

So, I had to delay my heading back by a day. {Not the worst of fates.} But I have my passport in my hand for the trip back.

...

I've had a chance to catch up with several people, some of whom I hadn't seen in about 8 years.

I've been able to get out to see McGinty three nights, and I'll be going back tonight.

Got to have a big turkey dinner with a lot of family. My mother cooked, and my sisters, aunt, and some cousins came out for it.

I need to stop it Customs and Immigration on my way back into the States for a new visa due to a change in status. {I'll need to check and see if I've written about that yet, if not you can expect it soon-ish.}

...

Anyway, I'm paying by the minute for access right now, so I'm going to go check some email and sign off.

Peace.

Heading for Halifax

2007-11-14T01:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm in Halifax. I got in late Sunday night, or was it really early Monday morning? And I have been enjoying my time here so far.

Except for the time spent dealing with the passport application paperwork. Tomorrow I go into the Passport Office to drop off the application and let them make copies of my birth certificate and any other paper work they need.

I originally wasn't sure if I was going to drive up on Saturday or Sunday, but Saturday morning took care of that decision for me. Having to make an emergency dental appointment, on a Saturday no less, will kind of eliminate any other plans you might have had. And there is not much you can do to avoid the dentist when one of your fillings has broken and half of it fell out.

But the drive up on Sunday went well. There was a long wait, about 90 minutes, at the border, and all but 2 minutes of that was in the line waiting to get up to one of the booths.

The rest of the trip went quite smooth and the entire trip took about 13 hours start to finish.

I've gotten to hang out with, and get caught up with a few of my friends. I've been to The Lower Deck. Turns out McGinty was playing and so I was very lucky to get to see and hear them.

Oh, and my friend who went to The Lower Deck with me tonight was recognized from his job working at the airport and so we ended up having a drink with a couple of Finnish flight attendants.

Well, I've got to get some sleep before dealing with the government tomorrow.

Walk in Beauty.

Pink Socks and 70's Movies

2007-10-29T20:15:00.001-04:00

I've been quiet for a while now, dealing with the changes in my life.

As I said in my last post, TWIL and I are no longer a couple. We have talked a few times since then and are still friends. The Sprout also told me that she wanted to stay in touch and we have talked a couple of times as well.

I am glad they are still in my life, even though it is not the way I thought, or hoped it would be. It might be easier to move on if there was no further contact, but I am much happier that we are still friends.

One of the hardest things has been the number of people who have said things like "I was just waiting for the wedding invitation."

...

What's been happening since then?

Well, I have been settling into my new apartment. I still have several boxes full of ... stuff to unpack. I have limited furniture that i have setup and mostly arranged. {I didn't realize how nice it is to have a couch to curl up on.}

I have had a couple of guests, something which I was not really comfortable doing in old place. One of my friends was the first to stop over and hang out for a while. And a couple of weeks ago, my mother came to visit and stayed for the weekend.

As well as having a couple of people visiting me here, I have gotten out to visit others as well. Two weeks ago I was at a get together a friend of mine was having. A gathering referred to as "Grill It You Bastard Friday." It was a good time with good people and good food. I was also introduced to the game "Apples To Apples."

Then, last weekend, I went to King Richard's Faire with a few friends, one of whom has a new web site promoting his music. Definitely worth a listen.

I also have a trip to Nova Scotia planned for the middle of November. I'll be in and around Halifax for a few days around the 11th to the 17th. Anyone else going to be there?

...

Lately, I have suffered from migraines. In fact, I am still suffering. The migraine is gone but it had me in such pain that I was clenching and grinding my teeth and gave myself a toothache. {Teethache? What do you call it when you have more than one at a time?} I'm dreading calling a dentist but I'm going to have to do it soon.

And a couple of times in the past few days I have found myself wearing pink socks. At least there were pink spots appearing on the white socks I was wearing. Broken blisters and dry, cracked skin on the balls of our feet will do that I guess.

...

Yesterday I was walking through the Apple Store in a local mall and had something strange happen. A woman who was being helped stopped what she was doing, stepped in front of me and said

I'm a casting director and we are making a movie set in the 70's.

You have a great look. Would you be interested?

That caught me a little off guard.

...

I am still here, and in several different types of pain. Thankfully, most of them are only physical.

Resolutions

2007-09-08T00:21:00.000-04:00

Quick follow-up on a couple of items.

Weight Loss: 25 pounds left to lose.

Reading: 2 more books to read for nothing but entertainment.

Tendinitis: Occasional discomfort, but much better.

Relationship: None.

Forced Out

2007-09-03T22:21:00.001-04:00

{Since I'm not ready to write about anything else yet, let's talk about the forced move...}

Around the beginning of June we, my roommates and myself, received word that the landlord's family was looking at house in order to figure out what they were going to do with it.

The landlord had been a cabbage for a while and the family had been acting as his agents during this period. However, they were limited in what they could do by the landlord's wishes. My understanding was that he didn't get along with his family and didn't want them to have anything to do with his affairs. Eventually, though, they got full power-of-attorney.

I guess they decided to sell of the landlord's stuff to cover his medical bills, being in a coma and on life-support costs money. We found out in mid-June when a letter arrived from the family's lawyers telling us we had until the last day of July to "vacate the premises or face legal action."

I called one of my previous landlords and, after a little bit of phone tag, found out he had a couple of openings. I looked at the apartments and decided to take one of them.

That took about a week.

But the apartment I was taking wasn't ready yet. And I wouldn't be able to start moving things in until July 1st.

Sounds good, right? A full month to move.

It was still a tight schedule. The move had been such short notice that I had an incredible amount of stuff to sort through, deciding what to keep, what to donate, and what to trash. And I had to move the majority of it by myself, in my pick-up.

When I say "by myself" I mean just that. It is not the easiest thing to drag a queen sized futon pad up a flight-and-a-half of stairs without assistance.

I was also limited to doing this in the evenings after work and on the weekends. Although, I was short a weekend due to spending it in New York with TWIL. But let's be honest... That was a much better way to spend a weekend.

I had everything into the new apartment by the 20th of July. {Give or take a few days.} But I had/have limited furniture.

My box-spring did not make it down here since it was collapsing anyway. My {second-hand} sofa and {third-hand} leather chair didn't come down here either. The chair had been hidden under a pile of junk in the dining room, unused for a couple of years. When it was uncovered, we discovered that at least one of the cats had not treated the chair well. You would have thought it would have smelled horrid.

The sofa on the other hand was clean-ish, but reeked of cigarette smoke, cats, dust, and old take-out. {I know that doesn't sound clean, but it had been cleaned and everything came out but the smells.}

So I have a futon pad on the floor for sleeping, a lot of shelves, a dresser, and a couple of camp chairs. Oh, and a 6-foot folding table that is currently my computer desk.

I have since I have added a nice, but small, dining set. I have also looked at other pieces, but have not picked any of them up yet.

I still have several boxes which have not been opened since the move. As I haven't had the time or the energy {Mainly the energy, but more on that in a later post} to go through them yet.

...

So now I am about half way between Boston, MA and Providence, RI. If anyone is passing through one of these areas and would like to meet-up, you can email me {WyldWoods (at) wyldwoods.net} and we'll see about the timing.

You can also email if you aren't going to be in the area. Or comment here. I'll be happy to hear from {almost} anyone.

Walk in Beauty.
Namaje.

Not what I was expecting to post

2007-08-29T14:54:00.000-04:00

Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night.
-- Philip K. Dick

I had been planning and working on a lengthy post, but last night it got scrapped. So for now you are getting this short post.

Back in mid-June I found out that the house I was living in was being sold and I had to be out by the end of July.

I have a nice new apartment, but with little to no furniture.

For the past month work has completely sucked and had me stressed past the breaking point.

Things happened last night which really threw me for a loop.

My mind is still racing around in circles chasing its own tail. This had me on the phone with my sister until sometime after 1AM. And then lying in bed awake, pacing, etc. until 4AM or so.

I know this doesn't tell you anything, but if I didn't post anything right now, I'm not sure when, or if, I would start posting again. Plus, I told Ricardipus that I would be posting something "in the next few days."

Seven Random Things About Me

2007-06-08T16:15:00.000-04:00

I was tagged by Ricardipus, so I guess I should do this. And I guess I am behind on writing the standard "X Things About WyldWoods" post. So this will be a start to that one.

1. I have performed 1 legal wedding. With a second one coming up next year.

2. At 14 years old I started giving hand-me-downs to my father.

3. I learned to drive at age 11.

4. I never got drunk until I was legal age. Although that does not mean I never tasted alcohol until then.

5. I have never been to any Disney theme park.

6. The most I have ever lost in a single trip to a casino is $400.

7. On a trip to Canada's Wonderland there was a roller coaster I could not go on because I was too tall. (I'm 6'5")

I think I'm now supposed to tag seven other people; however, I don't know if I even have seven readers. So I'll just say that if you read this, and haven't already done this, you can consider it your turn. Or not. The choice is yours.

Peace.

I'm off to spend the weekend with TWIL.

A Good Name For A Rock Band

2007-05-30T22:56:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back from Rites of Spring and I've been back to work for a day...

I need a break.

Rites was very good, and I came back feeling great. The people at work were welcoming and went out their way to make me feel ... back. Now I just need to sleep some more.

Last year I was a member of a small group who ran into a black bear on the road. This year we didn't have any encounters with bears. The most dangerous animal I saw would have to be the rabid chipmunk. {Which lead to the name of this post.}

It was good to see people I don't get to see enough. To catchup with what friends are doing. To be involved with a spiritual gathering of about 400 people.

And of course, to spend 5 nights together with TWIL. We spent time together during the day as well, but we also spent a lot of the day doing our own things.

I'll be back here soon, but for now I'm off to bed.

Walk in Beauty.
Peace.

Time Keeps On Ticking, Ticking, Ticking

2007-05-15T23:11:00.000-04:00

I don't know what to say, so let's just cover a few quick points before I go off to bed.

...

I was going through a period of "hermiting" and didn't really talk to anyone other than TWIL for quite a while. I'm pulling out of it and have talked to several {for me} people in the last two weeks.

...

I leave for Rites of Spring in less than a week and I have not really started my packing yet.

Packing for a week in a tent takes a while. Possibly longer than I have if you wanted to do it right and lighten the load. At this point I will probably end up packing some extra stuff just because I don't have enough time to properly go through and figure out what I really don't need.

And when you are talking a week in a tent ... in May ... in New England ... you can't count on the weather at all. Over the nine years I've been going {this will be number ten} I can remember days that got up to 30C, at least on that got to 34C, and nights that got down to 5C. There were years where we barely saw a single cloud, and other years where we barely saw the sun.

A rule of thumb seems to be "if you don't bring it you will definitely need it." This applies to sunscreen as much as thermal underwear.

...

I am tired from travelling. {Which is really not helping get my packing done.}

I was in Austin, TX for work all last week. I had a good time, but didn't get back to the hotel any night before 11:30. Factor in the hour time difference on top of the jet lag and it wasn't enough sleep. Especially since my sinuses went nuts as soon as I got there and haven't quite recovered yet.

I flew back Friday, getting back to the house a little after midnight.

Of course, I then got up Saturday morning and drove out to spend time with TWIL.

After being there for a little under 24 hours I drove back. And I was back in the office here Monday morning.

When do I get to stop moving?

...

I wanted to write but couldn't get anything to come from my fingers that I was ~~comfortable~~ willing to post here. So I started another journal.

Let me point you to it...

That's it on that shelf right over there.

I have renamed this as my Public Journal. The new one is paper, is for me only, and is my Private Journal.

This gives me a much needed outlet for the thoughts I need to get out, but am not ready to share. I'm hopeful that this will mean more posts here. After all, as the private thoughts are dealt with in the other journal, I shouldn't have as much blocking the other thoughts.

...

I'm not sure what the will leave to be posted here. It might be stories from my past. Maybe just what I did any given week. Maybe just random links that I want to share.

Feel free to leave any suggestions in the comments. I'll feel free to read and ignore them.

I guess that wasn't as quick as I thought it would be.

Walk in Beauty.
Namaje.

When Slang Terms Collide

2007-03-20T16:24:00.000-04:00

Overheard in the hallway, from a male voice:

She was outside shagging them, and I figured if she can do it, I should be out there shagging them, too.

I don't think anyone else around at the time is aware of the British use of the the term "shag" and I certainly wasn't going to point it out. Even though that was the first use into my mind, being the most commonly used in my experience.

...

I know it has been a long time since my last entry, and I don't know if anyone is still hanging around here or not.

There has been a lot going on. At least my brain seems to have been working overtime, with so many things swirling around that I was getting motion-sickness. However, my sea-legs are starting to come back and hopefully I can get some of these thoughts written down and stop them from overwhelming me.

My Life Is In My Own Hands Again

2007-02-10T10:01:00.000-05:00

It was that time of year again. and I had to leave the country.

I dislike that time of year, and always find it stressful, because there are so many things about it that are out of my hands. What if the BCIS agent is having a really bad day? What if the Threat Level changes while I'm en route? Etc...

{The threat level has been changed while I was en route before... Almost to the point that they would have closed the border.}

But there were no problems this time, except for a rather large delay while they processed all the people in front of me. Including photos and fingerprints.

Now I need to get a passport before next year. Or before I fly, whichever comes first.

From the "What were they thinking?" Department

2007-02-01T18:01:00.000-05:00

I don't usually post news stories, but more people need to hear about this.

Have you heard about the marketing campaign for Aqua Teen Hunger Force on Adult Swim? It lead to a few problems, and arrests, around Boston. The story can be found many places, including here.

A couple of quotes form the article:

Authorities have arrested two men in connection with electronic light boards depicting a middle-finger-waving moon man that triggered repeated bomb scares around Boston on Wednesday and prompted the closure of bridges and a stretch of the Charles River.

and

The devices displayed a "Mooninite" -- an outer-space delinquent who makes frequent appearances on the cartoon -- greeting passersby with an upraised middle finger.

Makes me wonder how much thought wass put into the planning.

Of course, I also wonder about the people who saw the "device", a circuit board and battery, and decided to shutdown Boston for a day. Apparently the other 9 cities didn't get shutdown, or at least didn't get any coverage.

Resolutions, and Updates

2007-01-20T13:04:00.000-05:00

I guess it's about time to share some of my resolutions for the new year. But first, a couple of updates...

The tendinitis I have is DeQuervain's tenosynovitis and it is getting better with treatment, but it still hurts.

Way back when, I set a weight-loss goal of 60 pounds. {Actually, it was 65.} Well, I have lost 30-35 pounds so far.

Shortly after I moved my blog from my own hosting to Blog*Spot, Blogger added support for Custom Domains. I am thinking about using them, but wondered if anyone else is using them yet and what their experience has been.

Now, on to the resolutions...

Lose the other 30-35 pounds that I didn't lose last year. {Maybe more, we'll see how it goes.}

Get in much better physical condition.

Keep better control of my diabetes. Specifically, my bloodsugar.

Read at least three books for nothing more than entertainment. {In addition to the audio books I listen to.}

Write in my blog more often, and keep up with others better.

Get organized.

Some of those don't sound like much, but overall, it seems like a lot. Got to get moving on them.

Peace.

That @#$%#-ing Hurts!

2007-01-05T12:41:00.000-05:00

Well, after seeing my doctor I have found out what the pain in my thumb is...

I have tendinitis. She even told me what type it is, I just can't remember off the top of my head, and I don't have the paperwork in front of me. {I'll update this when I have the information.}

Things are fine as long as I don't move my thumb or try to lift anything, although it is finally starting to get better. I guess the anti-inflammatories and exercises are helping. I was already wearing a brace I picked up at CVS.

I used to be able to pick up The Sprout, a touch over 100 pounds, and hold her there. Then, the other day, I picked up an 8 pound cat and it almost made me pass out. It wasn't too bad until the cat twisted in my hand.

Painkillers would seem to be a good idea, too.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T22:49:00.000-05:00

I don't want to be here right now. I spent the weekend, and welcomed the new year, with TWIL and The Sprout. But I have to go back to work in morning, which meant leaving this afternoon.

Now I'm back in Boston, and about 300 miles from where I really want to be. The only consolation being that I'll be with them again soon.

In the meantime, there's work and there's life.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

New Year's Eve

2006-12-31T12:11:00.000-05:00

… actually, the morning of New Year's Eve …

I'm sitting here, thinking about how great the last couple of days have been, not to mention the last 19 months.

TWIL is upstairs getting ready for this afternoon, and tonight. {I only got ready a few minutes ago, we slept late. I'm not sure what we are going to be doing this afternoon, but tonight we are going to be going over to visit friends. Then we will be coming back and welcoming in the new year with The Sprout and TWIL's mother.

I hope you all have a good, safe, and joyous night.

Happy New Year!

I'll be back in a day or two with my resolutions, and a follow up on one I made last year.

Working again...

2006-12-28T11:55:00.000-05:00

OK, so the transition from hosting to forwarding didn't go very smoothly. In fact, my domain was down for 3 or 4 days during the process. But everything should be up and working fine now.

I just hope I didn't miss any important email while while my domain was down.

...

Also, I am back at work after spending almost a week, including Christmas, with TWIL and The Sprout. During that time I barely sat in front of a computer, which was fine with me.

I hope everyone had a good holiday, which ever {if any...} you choose to celebrate.

I also hope that I didn't lose my readers {reader?} during the switch over. I guess I'll find out...

On Leaving My Own Hosting...

2006-12-18T17:08:00.000-05:00

I have had, and been paying for, domain hosting for quite a while now. That hosting has been used to host this blog, with plans for so much more that I was going to do with it.

It hasn't worked out that way. I have my blog, but nothing else has worked out.

I spend all day staring at a computer screen, mainly developing and designing web applications, and by the time I get home I don't want to do any more of that. In fact, even during my breaks at work I get up and walk away from the computer as much as possible. So I didn't get much time to work on my own site.

So, the only thing I use my hosting for is this blog.

I used the space for transferring large files form one place to another, but now I have a 2GB USB drive that I use instead.

Further, looking at my site, on my own hosting, does nothing but remind me of all the things I "should" be doing with it. Working on the template, the CSS, etc. and I get so wrapped up in that I don't post as much as I'd like.

Therefore, I have decided to give up hosting my own domain and to use the free hosting that Blog*Spot provides. This will save my some money, which will be put towards something else. But more than that, it should allow me to let go of the thoughts about what I "should" be doing, and let me just take the time to post. {Although I'll probably spend time tweaking one of the standard templates.}

My hosting is already paid for the next couple of weeks so I will not be rushing the move, but it will be happening before the end of the month.

I'll make sure the current URL {http://journal.wyldwoods.net} forwards to the new URL.

The "Votes" are in...

2006-12-09T11:23:00.000-05:00

Ricardipus has expressed an interest in hearing my reasons for moving to Blog*Spot, and since he is the only one who commented {He is often the only one who comments...} he will get to hear...

But not today...

today I am with TWIL and The Sprout. I am taking a couple of minutes to make a quick post while TWIL is in the shower and The Sprout is doing her homework. But we are going to be spending the day doing things together so I don't have long.

I believe we are going to be putting up more Christmas decorations and making some cookies. i don't know what else is on the agenda for this afternoon, but I'll let you know.

I am also going to try work harder on posting at least once in any calendar week. Although I still don't know what those posts will be about.

So sometime between in the next week you will see at least a post about why I am moving to Blog*Spot. You will also see one about what I know {so far} I will, and will not, be writing about.

Feel free to post a comment with any suggestions on topics, any questions you would like answered, or just to let me know you are reading.

Peace.
Time to make the cookies...

On Silence

2006-11-30T17:02:00.000-05:00

In the time since I last posted I have been doing a lot of thinking. Much of it centred around this journal, or "blog" if you prefer. This included why I started this, and what it was/is to me.

I realized that this place had become a way for me to work express things and work over them in my head. Things always seemed clearer after I wrote them down, the act of writing helping me understand what was really going on "in there."

Well, around 17-18 months ago something changed. I started talking to TWIL every night. We talk about virtually everything, and that left fewer things needing to be worked out in here. {Yes, we still talk on the phone every night that we are not physically together.}

So I know what this was. But now, I don't quite know what this is.

I don't know what I'll write about here now, but I know I want to keep writing.

Anyone have any suggestions, or questions to get me started?

...

On another note, I'm probably going to be moving this journal to Blog*Spot since it is through Blogger anyway. When I do, all the current URL will start forwarding over there instead of pointing to my own hosting. And any links should forward to the right pages as well.

If anyone is interested, I'll explain why I'm doing this.

If no one is interested... Well, maybe I'll explain it anyway. It'll give me something to write about.

Peace.

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-31T21:56:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone is having a good time tonight. I was late getting home tonight and missed the Trick-Or-Treaters.

However, one stop on the way home was to pick up some Arizona Green Tea along with a couple other small things. When it was rung up the total was $6.66.

It seemed appropriate for the night...

One More For The Road

2006-09-29T22:36:00.000-04:00

A couple of "road" related notes here...

First, I'm down to the last payment on my truck. This is a good thing. I'll finally own it outright. I can't wait until I have the title in my hand and don't have to keep sending anyone money on a monthly basis. {At least not for that.}

It's also a good thing because I had purchased an extended warranty that was supposed to last as long as my payments. It ran out over 25,000 miles ago. Yes, I meant miles, not kilometers, since it was bought in the U.S. of A.

...

Second, I'm not here right now. I wish I was here, but I'm really over there somewhere.

Last Wednesday (Sept. 20) I flew the San Diego, California on the company dime for training. I was there until this afternoon. {Remind me to tell you about my last couple of hours in San Diego.} {Actually, I'll tell you about the whole trip over the next week of so.}

Right now I'm sitting in the airport in Phoenix, Arizona waiting for my connecting flight back to Boston. It is scheduled to touch down at Logan around 5:00AM. {AM!! That's before the sun gets up.} Then I'll get a couple hours sleep before getting in my truck and driving the 300 miles to see TWIL and spend a couple of days with her.

I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it. I've been missing her soooo much...

In fact, I'm going to sign off for now and give her a call.

Peace.

Twilight Visits

2006-09-08T18:37:00.000-04:00

For years now I have been attending Rites of Spring and have been wanting to get to Twilight Covening but have not managed to make it there yet.

Every year something comes up. I can't get the time off work... I can't afford the registration... Friends schedule their wedding for that weekend... etc. However, this year was looking good, like I would be able to make it.

That was until this past week.

My mother called and told me she and her sister, my aunt, are going to be coming to visit. Do you want to guess which weekend they will be here?

Don't get me wrong. I love my mother and will be happy to see her, it just strikes me as funny that they picked that weekend. Oh well, there is always next year for Twilight.

It will be good to see my mother. We talk a couple of times a month, but I haven't actually seen her since I got back up to visit for Christmas 2004. Almost 2 years ago.

I was looking forward to spending the weekend at Twilight, but now I'm looking forward even more to spending it with my mother and aunt.

This is what I was missing?

2006-09-01T18:05:00.000-04:00

A few months ago I mentioned that it had been years {Decades?} since I had really remembered my dreams. Oh, there had been the very occasional nightmare that left an impression, but that was about it.

Well, I have started to remember dreams lately. Or at the very least, remember that I had been dreaming.

Over the past month {Six weeks?} there have been two dreams that stood out in my mind, for no other reason than they were so vivid even after I woke up.

In the first I dreamed that I woke up one morning and was going through a fairly typical day when I caught sight of my reflection in a window or some other shiny surface. That was when I noticed that I had about four days growth of stubble, except where my moustache should have been. That area was perfectly clean shaven. Which would explain the odd looks I had been getting throughout the day.

That dream had been so vivid, and made such an impression, that I found myself checking a few times throughtout the day to make sure my moustache was still there.

The second dream also had to do with shaving, only this time it was about me shaving myself. I was shaving and realized that the razor I was using would have to be replaced shortly. Then as I was taking a stroke under my chin, the razor caught and gave me a deep cut right at the bottom of my chin. As I tried to remove the razor, it was stuck in the cut, it started tearing at my chin leaving it a bloody, mangled mess.

I have some thoughts on what the second dream might mean, but not much on the first.

All of this has left me with mixed feelings. I am happy that I am dreaming, and remembering those dreams, again. However, the particular dreams were mildly disturbing and left me with a bemused and confused feeling.

...

I hope everyone has a good Labour Day long weekend.

And when I get around to updating the lists {JavaScript generated} in my sidebar I will need to ad a link to The Ricardiblog.

Yes, that's right, Ricardipus has finally started his own blog.

A Sore For Sight Eyes

2006-08-14T18:03:00.000-04:00

Something very disturbing happened to me the other day.

On July 29th {30th?}, I was in the mall {which was disturbing enough as it was} and I saw a display of...

A display of Christmas Ornaments!

All I could think was "It's not even August yet!! The Back-to-School displays aren't even complete!"

Anyone else running into Christmas already?

Roughing It?

2006-08-09T23:47:00.000-04:00

So much has happened. Some bad, but a lot of good as well. I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start by telling you about Rites and see where I end up from there...

Rites of Spring

Rites of Spring is gathering of 400 to 500 people. Just us and our closest friends, as they say.

TWIL and I have both been going to Rites for years, and had seen each other around the gathering for several years. Last year we spent a lot of time together, talking and getting to know one another. That is when our relationship began.

This year we went as a couple. Well, we got there on different days, I was there on Monday and she arrived on Wednesday, but we were together for 6 days (5 nights) and shared a tent. There are cabins available but they typically have anywhere from 12 to 20 people in one room, in small-ish bunk beds no less. So it was a tent for us. The way we had it setup, it was much more comfortable, and much more private, than a cabin.

This was the first time TWIL had spent an extended stay in a tent.

We had a good sized tent. The interior floor space was 11 by 11 feet, and there was room for me to stand up straight anywhere in the tent. We were also setup with a queen sized futon mattress, real bedding, stacking drawers making dressers, a hanging clothes rack, a portable power supply, even a full-length mirror. We were both very comfortable. The lodge with the restrooms and showers, was a walk of about 150 to 200 yards.

Our time at Rites was wonderful, especially the time we got to spend together. {This is my opinion, but I'm sure she would agree.}

We spent a lot of time talking, some of it about long-term plans. Of course it is too early to put any of it in here... Yet.

We celebrated a couple of anniversaries while we were there. The night we started talking. Our first kiss. And not long after we got back, Our first date.

Leaving Rites was difficult. Knowing that after spending those 6 days together I would not get to see or hold her for 2 weeks. But her car was packed and she had to leave, The Sprout was waiting, while my truck was still blocked in by several other vehicles.

This time I was the one standing there watching her leave. I have done this before when she has to work the occasional Sunday and I am there. She leaves for work before I am packed and leaving to head back to Boston. However, this time was so much harder.

We still talk every day, either in person or on the phone. And we still don't get to spend as much time together as I would like.

... and now I have to go to bed before I fall over. So you'll have to wait until next time to hear about a dream I had, and other topics that are in the queue.

Walk in Beauty.
Peace.

I'm not ready...

2006-05-21T21:31:00.000-04:00

Well, it's that time of year again. I leave in the morning for Rites of Spring and I am not ready.

Everything that can be packed at this point is packed, although not loaded into my truck yet. But the more I packed, the less ready I felt. I don't know how to explain it. I just don't feel ready.

I have been looking forward to Rites for quite a while now, as well as looking forward to spending time with TWIL. And I still am. I just suddenly feel that ...

... I don't know. Something feels off.

Maybe it has to do with all the rain we have been getting for the past 2-3 weeks, and the fact that TWIL and I will be staying in a tent. Possibly because of how big a deal some of her friends are making about the fact that she will be in a tent. But that doesn't seen like it. These feelings are somehow bigger than that.

...

Actually, let me clarify one thing. I will be getting to Rites tomorrow, along with a group of people who help to set the place up. TWIL will not be getting there until Wednesday, when the main group arrives. But we will have from then until we pack up, the following Monday, together. All told, by the weekend there should be almost 500 people gathered.

...

I can't type any more right now. There is a voice I need to hear, so I'm off to make a phone call. I don't know if I'll be back on before I leave, but in case I am not, I hope everyone has a good week. I will be in a tent with no Internet until the 29th. Don't expect anything out of me until, probably, the 30th.

For those of you on my Quote of the Day(?) list, I have left the list on autopilot so you should still get a quote every day while I'm gone.

Walk in Beauty.
Peace.

Parting is such sweet sorrow...

2006-05-05T16:51:00.000-04:00

I am still spending, on average, every other weekend with TWIL. {Around 1000km (600 miles) round trip} This means that when I am leaving to head back on Sunday evening I know it will be about 12 days before I see her again. {We still talk every night, but I can't see or hold her over the phone.} You can imagine this doesn't make it easy to leave. Not that it would be "easy" if it was going to be 12 hours, it would just be easier.

Because it takes between 5 and 6 hours to drive the 500km back I usually leave around 5:00pm. Although I need to admit that lately this has been slipping to 6:00pm. And it gets harder to leave when this time sneaks up on me.

A couple of weeks ago TWIL and I were sitting on the porch, talking and enjoying each others company, and when I looked at my watch it was approaching 4:00pm. We kept talking and the next thing I knew it was after 5:00pm. No time to prepare myself, just get my stuff together, say goodbye, get in my truck, and get on the road.

Usually I'll take my time and gather things up in batches over the span of the afternoon. Doing it all at once and heading out the door was ... difficult.

When The Sprout is home leaving can be even more difficult. She has a tendency to slow me down so that it takes me longer to get on the road. This is because she doesn't want me to leave so I don't mind. After all, I don't want to leave either.

The Sprout has told me that she likes it when I come out for the weekend and we get to spend time together. I can't tell you how good this was to hear. I couldn't help but smile. {Just thinking about it is making me smile again.}

I am heading out there after work tonight. It will be the three of us all weekend and should be great.

I hope the weather holds. It is supposed to be mostly sunny all weekend.

Posting Photos, Again

2006-04-21T17:29:00.000-04:00

Along with the code changes I made last week, my new template also shows thumbnails of my latest Flickr photos. This is a change from my old template which showed my Buzznet photos.

This changes was made because I stopped posting photos on Buzznet, and when I started posting them again I was posting them on Flickr. At the time I prefered Flickr over Buzznet.

I still do, and will be leaving Flickr in my template. However, I don't believe I'm going to abandon my Buzznet account. It is still good for when I want to comment on that site. I may even post an occasional photo over there, but Flickr will be the main photo site I use. {At least for now...}

So check out my photos and feel free to leave comments. {I think this is the place where a lot of people would ask for someone to buy them a Flickr Pro Account. But I'm not going to do that.}

Comments are welcome on any of these posts as well as on any of my photos.

Code changes

2006-04-13T18:53:00.000-04:00

You probably notice a change to these pages. {At least I hope you notice a change.} I finally got a lot of the changes I wanted to make to the code behind this site completed and rolled out. I also made some small changes to the stylesheet which were needed by the new code. Larger changes to the stylesheet will be coming soon-ish which may change the look drastically. {At least to the colours.}

I like the narrower layout as it seems to make the posts easier to read.

Feel free to leave feedback in the comments.

What have I got to lose?

2006-04-11T18:34:00.000-04:00

I have set a goal for myself. I need to lose weight (about 60 pounds) and I am going to lose it over the span of this year. This is a little over a pound a week averaged from January 1st to December 31st.

Calculating based on a constant rate throughout the year comes out to around 16-17 pounds at this point. Looking at the scale, I have actually lost about 10 pounds so far. A little behind, but not too bad. Especially since I about 5 of those pounds came in the last week and a half.

I know some people will say that I should be able to lose it quicker than that, but I want to make sure I can maintain the new level once the weight is off.

I'll keep you posted.

...

One reason for the problems I had losing weight at first was that I have changed medications. {At least it seemed to be related. Hard to say with certainty though.}

As mentioned in previous posts, I am diabetic. Type II. Earlier this year I changed from one of the oral medications I take to Byetta, an injected medication. This has been a very good change. However, I am still on another oral med and the dosage of it needs to be adjusted to work properly with the Byetta.

For the first few weeks of being on Byetta my blood sugar levels were all over the place as we made a lot of changes to the dose of the oral med. This did nasty things to my system, my mood, and me. Eventually, we set a dosage to use and stuck to it. It wasn't quite right, and we are still changing the dose, but we are doing it slowly this time. And I am giving each change about a week to adjust before making the next change.

One of the side-effects of Byetta is weight loss. However, this will be limited until all the meds are at the correct doses. Hopefully I will be reaching that dose soon.

Generally speaking though, I feel much better now than I have in a long time.

...

One other thing I am currently losing is a nasty looking mark on the back of my hand.

About a 10-12 days ago I had a bunch of red marks break out on the backs of my hands. Most were very small and minor, but one was about the right size and shape to be a cigarette burn. In fact, that's almost exactly what it looked like even though it wasn't a burn of any kind. It was a patch of eczema.

I am very happy it's finally clearing up.

It finally feels like Spring

2006-03-31T16:28:00.000-05:00

What a great day it is out there, and here I am, sitting inside at a computer. Of course I don't have much of a choice since it is a work day. Although I did spend most of my lunch break outside. It is sunny and 23C out there. I wish it was going to last all weekend.

I know it has officially been Spring for over a week, but it has not felt like it. After Spring officially started it got colder.

I like this weather.

And I feel somewhat like I'm coming out of hibernation.

...

I have a lot to catch up on. It has been a long time since I posted here, and it has been almost as long since I read any other blogs.

I have a lot to read.

And a lot to say.

Too bad I'm at work and have limited time at the moment... And I'm going to be with TWIL for the weekend. No writing then either.

Soon.

Following up on the Stress post

2006-02-17T18:15:00.000-05:00

I should have let you all know a while ago, but the stress I was referring to in my last entry has been lifted. That's not to say that all stress is gone, but that big one is gone.

As I have mentioned before, I am a Canadian living and working {Legally} in the United States. My work visa expired on Feb 3rd and I had to leave the country and attempt to get a new visa while re-entering the United States. This wasn't optional. It could not be done at any time or place except while I was physically entering the country.

This is always stressful because my life and future is in the hands of the US government. {You can fill in your own comments on the US government.} Of course this year the stress wasn't just mine. TWIL was also feeling stressed about it. But I have a new work visa and can continue to stay and work in the US. Which also means that I can continue get out and spend time with TWIL as often as I have been, which is not nearly as often as I'd like.

Annual Stressing

2006-01-31T23:25:00.000-05:00

It's getting to be that time again.

I have been feeling nervous and stressed for the last week or two. The same thing that comes up this time every year. It all revolves around INS. Sorry, now it BCIS, a division of the Department of Homeland Security. And it will be resolved Friday, one way or the other.

There were times in the past when I didn't really care what either way, but that's not the case now.

Now I really want to stay.

...

I know I haven't really said much, but that should change by the weekend. I just don't feel much like talking right now.

Happy New Calendar!

2005-12-30T15:28:00.000-05:00

I'm getting ready to head back out to Binghamton to ring in the New Year with TWIL. We aren't sure what we will be doing {Going to the First Night festivities, a movie, or something else entirely} but I know it will be great as long I am with her.

...

Recently TWIL, The Sprout, and I were sitting around the living room, playing cards, having a great time. At one point I looked over at TWIL, saw her smiling and laughing... Let me say that TWIL is a beautiful woman, but the sight of her smile lighting up the room like that was enough to take my breath away. I forgot myself and what I was doing.

...

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend and the celebrations going on this weekend.

Anyone making any resolutions? Share them and maybe I'll share mine.

Merry Christmas (or Whatever) To All

2005-12-29T18:11:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone has been having a good holiday season, whatever holidays you happen to celebrate. {Even if the only thing you celebrate is not having to go into work for a couple of days.} Mine have been very busy but also very good.

I have been very busy with work, but all I'm going to say about that is that I have spent a lot of time processing a file with over 600,000 records in it to generate a 32,568 page report. This includes logging in remotely to "finish up work" on it over the weekend. Now I've been told that the client sent us bad data and will be resending the file for it to be reprocessed.

I hope that we were notified before the report was printed.

Outside of work a lot of time has been spent travelling. Christmas was spent with TWIL and her family, including having Christmas Eve dinner with The Sprout, her father, his SO and their parents at his house. The Sprout was staying over there for the night, which made it a little easier for Santa to do his thing with out having to worry as much about people waking up.

When everyone showed up Christmas morning with more presents, well let's just say there wasn't much room left. Especially after wrapping paper started to fly. TWIL's mother has surprisingly good aim when she wants to.

All told, I think the best present I got this year was being there and spending Christmas with everyone.

Domain Hosting

2005-12-13T18:56:00.000-05:00

For those who don't know, I run this journal through Blogger but have it published to my own domain hosting account. I was doing this because I had other things hosted and planning on doing a lot more with the space. However, the other day I was thinking about my hosting and what I am actually doing with it.

Currently I don't really have anything on here other than my journal and my linkblog. There are still other things that I am thinking of putting up here, but I'm not sure when, or if, they will show up. So should I still being paying for hosting or should I move my blogs to Blog*Spot instead? {I'd still use my domain name, just as a redirect instead of having it hosted.}

I'm interested in hearing your opinions on this. Feel free to share them in the comments.

Of course I have decided to continue with my hosting for the moment. This is partly because of the of the recent outages that have happened on Blog*Spot and partly because of the hosting package I currently get. I am paying less than $4 a month for 5GB of storage, 250GB of monthly bandwidth, along with lots of email, access to PHP and MySQL, and lots more. I have been wanting to learn more about PHP and MySQL so I figure it is worth it to have all of this setup and usable.

I'm still interested in your opinions since there may come a time when I decide to move hosts or just do away with it all together.

I am not going to switch my current blogs away from Blogger. But who knows what I'll do with any new ones, if there are any.

...

I'll be back soon with a real entry...
Until then,
Peace.

Happy Thanksgiving.US

2005-11-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

The week has been rushed and greatly compressed. Partly this is because of how tired a felt on Monday after driving back from TWIL's on Sunday night. Well, it wasn't all from the drive, it was also due to the stress I had been under last week. {I'll tell you about some of it later, I'm still rushed right now.} As I'm sure happens to some of you as well, when I'm under a lot of stress and it is removed, my system relaxes and I start to feel very tired and rundown for a while.

The weekend with TWIL and The Sprout was great and at the end of it I had three people telling me I should stay. I would have stayed if it was possible, but I only had enough of my meds {I'm diabetic, remember?} to last until Wednesday or Thursday. So I came back for three days.

Now I'm getting ready to go head back. I'll be leaving in the next few minutes and will be there through the weekend.

Sounds like a Happy Thanksgiving.US to me.

Odds and Ends

2005-11-18T17:15:00.000-05:00

It's been too long since I wrote anything, but I am kind of rushed right now and don't have time to write as much as I'd like. So let me just cover a few things that might be of interest.

I keep seeing news stories, web sites, etc. that make me think "I need to share this with someone." In some cases I feel like my head is going to explode if I don't pass some it along. However, I didn't want to clutter this journal with entries that do nothing but say "Check this out" so I started a new blog specifically for this purpose. You can find it at http://linkblog.wyldwoods.net I have already made a couple of posts over there, so go check them out.

That blog is just using one of Blogger's standard templates for the moment while I do some final tweaking on the template for my journal. Once that is complete you will see both updated to use the new template. Then I'll get to work on the new CSS that so the look of the whole domain will be changing a lot. Although it might happen in stages.

...

I was in Salem, MA the weekend before Hallowe'en. I do not recommend this. Actually, I'm not sure I'd recommend Salem at any time during the month of October. But if you are going to go, the earlier in October the better.

I did enjoy myself, but that had more to do with watching the tourists in the crowd and listening to some of the things that were being asked and said. There was also a very good art show based around the theme of Hallowe'en and Terror. I also bumped into Daniel GreenWolf although I didn't have much time to catch up with him. {I know at least one of you will know him as well, although maybe not by that name.}

...

I also ran into my friend Fox and her daughter a couple of weeks before that while walking through Boston Common. We had somewhere around 4 years to catch up. Luckily neither of us were in a hurry and we had time to talk.

...

I'm heading out to spend the weekend with TWIL and The Sprout. I'm not sure what the plans for the weekend are other than TWIL and I will be going to see Sol Dog tomorrow night. {Great band, great guys, great CD}

'Net connection has been restored.

2005-10-28T20:18:00.000-04:00

In case anyone was wondering, I have been offline for the better part of a week while my cable Internet connection was down. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Comcast Sucks!

But in case anyone is interested, it is back up and running now and I have full 'net access from home again.

Of course, that doesn't mean that you are going to get much right now, as I have to get ready to leave for the weekend. Off to spend time with TWIL. Unfortunately, I am stuck at work right now waiting for someone else, which is how I have time to post from here, and will not be be able to leave for NY until the morning.

And as I write this, the 2-hour process, which was going to keep me here until 9PM, is officially 1 hour late getting started. and I am on a conference call listening to the others who are trying to get the process started. They are discovering more issues which are delaying things even longer.

This is SOOOO much fun.

Anyway... I need to go give some people a swift kick in the ... pants. Metaphorically. At least to start.

Don't expect much more than this out of me tonight. After I get out of here I still need to go home, pack a bag, call TWIL and get some sleep. I hope I can get all of that finished before midnight.

Who am I trying to kid... I hope I'll get out of here before midnight.

...

Update [12:50AM] : Well, I'm finally done for the night. Now to pack and get some sleep.

Sleepy Thoughts

2005-10-12T01:11:00.000-04:00

I was doing a lot of thinking over the weekend, and some writing to go along with it. Unfortunately {for me} none of the writing is in a condition that I would be comfortable sharing. Fortunately {for you} I realized just how crap it was before posting it. I imagine that some of it will make it here once it is cleaned up somewhat.

However, it has been a while since I talked about the sleep test and results. So, let me give you an update on that...

As you may remember, I went for a sleep study {described here} and I briefly gave initial results from it in this post but haven't said anything else about it since.

I talked to my doctor and we discussed the fact that my sleep apnea is very mild at this point and "the machine" wasn't necessary, although it would be worth a try to see if it helped. Well, we contacted my usual medical supply store to see about getting setup with the machine.

It turns out that they couldn't give me one because I lived too far away. They suggested I find a closer supplier and get the machine from them.

So far I have had no luck finding a closer supplier and have not gotten a machine. And while I have looked, to be honest, I am not really concerned about getting one at this point.

I am sleeping better and getting more rest from it for a couple of months now. I may go back and see about getting the machine if my sleep problems get bad again, but while I am sleeping relatively well I am not going to worry about it since wearing the mask and having the machine running by my bed would disrupt my sleep as much as it might help at this point.

And speaking of sleep...

G'Night.

Another Year Older

2005-10-05T22:12:00.000-04:00

What a week {2 weeks?} it has been. The end of last week was nuts and had me working ten to eleven hours days in order to finish a project I as working on.

I did get it finished and managed to leave a little early on Friday so I could head out and spend the weekend with my girlfriend. {Here after referred to as TWIL, at least for now.} You see, Saturday was my birthday and I really didn't want to spend it anywhere else.

I got out early enough that I managed to get there in time to spend some time with The Sprout {TWIL's daughter} before she went to bed. We hung out and made some balloon animals.

Of course shortly after The Sprout was in bed I got a call from work and spent over an hour on the phone troubleshooting and fixing problems. Luckily, that was it for the weekend. Once I was off that call we had the rest of the weekend alone together.

Well, there were the three of us until Saturday afternoon when The Sprout's father picked her up. The there was just the two of us.

We spent the weekend enjoying each other's company since we don't get to spend time together physically often enough. Much of the time was spent talking and holding each other. Including a very good neck rub TWIL gave me after the call from work Friday night {Thank you, Beautiful} and a walk in the park Sunday night.

And to celebrate my birthday on Saturday night, we went out to dinner at a very nice restaurant and went to the movies.

I'd write some more, but I have to go. It is time for our nightly call.

Peace.

Has it really been a month?

2005-09-12T23:58:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure what to write, so I'll just start writing and see what comes out. Let's start with Pennsic...

I got to Pennsic on Saturday and my tent was already pitched, I had sent it along with friends who had gone earlier. So all I had to do was move my stuff into it and get my space set up which didn't take too long. After that I spent the rest of the evening (until almost sunrise) hanging out with my brother and a couple other friends. It was a good night.

Sunday afternoon was the wedding. I have been to weddings in the past. I have even been in the wedding party once or twice. But this was the first wedding I have performed. First time I have seen or filled out a wedding licence as well.

Have I mentioned that I don't like public speaking? No. Well, I don't.

I got several compliments on my speaking voice and my projection. One person was at the entrance to the space, about 30-35 meters from where I was standing, who said he could hear every word quiet clearly. A couple of other people said "I told you said you weren't any good at public speaking." To which I had to reply, "No, I said I didn't like public speaking, there is a difference."

Anyway, the wedding went well and my friends are now married. {I'd say it went off without a hitch, but then I'd have to get my coat.} The rest of the week was spent relaxing, hanging out with friends, and going to the occasional party. All in all, a good time.

And as it turns out I spent three weekends in a row driving for around ten hours. Driving to Pennsic one weekend, driving back the next, and then round trip to see my girlfriend the next. The third weekend being the best of the three.

Not everything went well the weekend I spent with my girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, everything went well with us, but I got an emergency call from my brother and had to leave for a while to help him out.

...

I just looked at the clock and saw how late it's getting. I'm going to leave it here for tonight and go get some sleep. I'll pick it back up later.

I still don't get to see and hold my girlfriend often enough, but we are still talking every night. I am going to be spending this weekend with her, and with her daughter for part of Saturday, and I am very much looking forward to all of it.

Walk in Beauty.
Peace.

Posting when I should be Packing

2005-08-12T20:32:00.000-04:00

I can't take long to do this because I should be packing, but I thought I'd make a quick post while printing out driving directions.

I had a great time on Wednesday with my girlfriend and her daughter, we all seemed to get along great and I ended up spending every night with them this week. Until tonight.

All three of us wanted for me to go over and see them again tonight but I have to pack for my trip. I'm leaving in the morning, and will be gone until next weekend. I am heading to Pennsic for a vacation and for a good friend's wedding. I'll tell you all about it when I get back.

I will be missing my girlfriend terribly while I am away so it's a good thing I will have my cell phone with me. I expect to call her most nights while there.

If anyone else is headed that way {With 10 to 15 thousand people going you never know...} Feel free to ask around for Bjarni Bjornson. You best bet to find me would be around Casa Bardicci or Camp Rubber Duckie. Most of the people who know me are in those camps. But please, no stalkers. I've had two and that is more than enough. {If you ask nicely, maybe I'll tell you about them sometime.}

Anyway, my directions finished printing and I must go.

Be back in a week...

A Big Step

2005-08-09T17:02:00.000-04:00

A while back I started getting seeing someone, and we have been dating for a while now. It is a long distance relationship, for now, but that is not a bad thing. It has ensured that we spend time talking, which we have been doing a lot.

When our schedules allow, I make the 5-6 hour drive out to New York state and we spend as much time as we can together, although this is usually just the weekend. We do have been doing this once or twice a month since May. When we can't be together we talk. Either on the phone or through instant messenger.

We have talked every day since May. Sometimes for 15 minutes, more often for anywhere from one and a quarter to three hours, but it has been every night.

Yes, it is serious. And last night we took a big step in our relationship.

I met her daughter.

Because her daughter is 9 we were being careful and my girlfriend didn't want to bring me into her daughter's life too early in the relationship. A reasonable way to handle things and one which I understood and agreed with. And then yesterday they came to Boston for their vacation, a trip which had been in planning before we started dated, and I met them for dinner after I got off work.

We had a good dinner with good desserts. {What else would you expect from "The Cheesecake Factory"?} And we had a good time hanging out and walking around a bit after dinner. Later on, when it was time for the daughter to go to bed, we went back to their hotel, the daughter went to bed and my girlfriend and I sat up and talked for a while longer.

It was a very good night.

And tomorrow I am taking the day off work to spend it with the two of them.

It may be time for me to come up with an alias to use for my girlfriend when I refer to her on here.

Pain is Temporary... and Repeating

2005-07-31T22:08:00.000-04:00

[Editor: This was written on Wednesday and apparently not posted, so I am posting it again tonight.]

I was planning on writing about some of the good stuff in this entry, but then some more "stuff" happened. So I am going to talk about that stuff, and my tooth, again.

You'd think that a temporary crown would stay on for the three or four weeks until the permanent is ready, not just fall off after four days while eating dinner. And then come off again four or five days later while eating lunch. You'd think that, but you'd be wrong.

So this week, while eating lunch, the crown came off again. I had just taken a bite of a piece of boneless chicken breast and found myself biting into what seemed to be a piece of chicken bone. I proceeded to spit the pieces into a napkin and took a drink of ice water to clear my mouth. that's when the pain really started.

I mentioned last time that the uncovered tooth is extremely sensitive right? Well, it still is.

As soon as I could I called the dentist. I was in pain and already pissed off, a great combination... Their response was "We can get you in tomorrow afternoon." This didn't help me calm down.

After much talking, and surprisingly little swearing, I got them to fit me in that day, about 2 hours after the crown had come off. This time they said they used a stronger cement and that it should stay on now. I didn't go off about how it should have stayed on in the first place.

What I did ask was if I should make an appointment for next week already. Even though they chuckled I don't think they thought it was funny.

[Follow up: As of tonight (Sunday) it is still attached and holding.]

Pain is Temporary

2005-07-22T16:43:00.000-04:00

In my last post I said "the vast majority" of the goings-on over the past couple of weeks have been good. But that still leaves a few things that weren't so good. And if you keep reading you are going to hear about one of them...

Last Friday night I broke a tooth, one of my molars to be precise, and while it wasn't very painful most of the time if I was careful, it was a bad break and had to be dealt with. They managed to get me into the dentists chair early Monday morning and they started work on it. Because of how bad a break it was (about 1/4 of the exposed tooth was gone) there wasn't much they could do except start work on putting a crown on it.

Lots of impressions, and much drilling and grinding later they had finished all the prep work and put a temporary crown on the tooth while we wait for the permanent crown to be ready. And we all know how pleasant it is to be a dentist's chair and have them drilling and grinding away on your teeth.

We also know what the word temporary means.

In this case temporary didn't even live up to the few weeks it was supposed to stay on. It came off last night while I was eating dinner, exposing the raw tooth and the "dental tubules" which act as open pathways to the nerve. Needless to say, IT HURT! And I had to deal with it being like that all night.

To the dentist's credit, when I called them this morning they got me right in and got the temporary crown reattached. Good thing they got me in that quick, too. Until the crown was back in place I couldn't eat or drink anything because it was too sensitive. I couldn't brush my teeth either because I couldn't even have water in my mouth without intense pain.

Hopefully this time the temporary will last until they put the permanent crown in place.

...

I'll try to talk about something pleasant next time.

I'm still here

2005-07-20T17:58:00.000-04:00

So much for my plan to make sure I posted at least once a week, preferably more. I have had a lot going on since my last post, and the vast majority of it has been good. I'll fill in you in soon. For now I mainly want to like people know I was still around and I'm sorry I have been lax in posting.

Hopefully you will understand why once I get going again. In the meantime I will try, as I said above, to make sure I post at least once a week, preferably more often. I guess it would depend on whether you get lots of short posts or fewer posts, but each of which will have much more to say.

How about it, which would you prefer? I promise to read* all comments and suggestions.

* and quite possibly ignore

My "Happy Canada Day" post which doesn't actually mention Canada

2005-07-01T19:26:00.000-04:00

Well, it is official, I have a bit of sleep apnea. It isn't too bad, but I still need to sit and talk with my doctor about what we can do about it. I'll let you know how that goes. I just hope that they don't want me to go through another night wired up. I'm pretty sure that someone other than me would end the night in a lot of discomfort.

If the techs put all the short cables on so there barely reach around me, let alone to the control box, I might end up punching someone in the chest.

But on to better things... I have been travelling a lot lately.

On June 11th I went to the southern edge of the state for a Powwow. (Not really that far, but I am only starting.)

The following weekend (June 18th) I went up to Maine for my friend Laurie's birthday party. I'll leave it up to her if she wants to say anything about it (or which birthday it was) in the comments. I will say that it was a very good time and it was good to see people I don't get to see often enough. It was especially good to see Laurie having a good time.

A lot of the evening and into the night was taken up with people just sitting around talking and having a good time hanging out. Although we did take a break from talking to watch the fire spinner playing with her poi. It certainly didn't hurt that she is a very cute girl.

Last weekend (June 25th) I went to New York (state, not city, Binghamton to be specific) and had a wonderful time. When talk of the trip first started (back at Rites of Spring, see earlier posts here and here) it was brought up as a chance to see Sol Dog but it soon became much more than that. And by the time the trip actually happened I was going to see someone specific and the two of us were going to go see the band together.

The only thing which could have made the weekend better is if my brother, Smulch, could have made it to the show as well. (He doesn't have a website or I'd link it.) Unfortunately thing seemed to conspire to keep that from happening.

And now this weekend I am travelling again, back to New York. If I can get in touch with Smulch in time I will be heading to see him on Saturday and then to Binghamton for the rest of the weekend. If I can't reach Smulch in time I will just head right to Binghamton.

I know I will see Smulch in August, but it would be nice to see him sooner if things work out.

I do miss you, brother.

...

A couple more quick things before I close this post out:

At least one of my readers should get a kick out of this... Somehow I am currently the number one result for "Ricardipus" on Google Check it yourself.

I found this out through StatCounter, which you may have noticed in my sidebar. It isn't a bad utility, but if anyone can suggest others I'd like to hear about them. I know I'd like to have the stats, but I have not settled on a particular service yet.

Last and almost certainly least, once I have the time I will be playing around with the site design through CSS. I almost have the template finished so that the layout will be completely controlled through CSS. It won't be the CSS Zen Garden but then again, what is really? So expect the look of the site to change drastically sometime in the foreseeable future.

Peace.
Your weary, but happy, traveller.

P.S. Is it any wonder my truck is in the shop? It least the rental is covered by my extended warranty along with (most of) the parts and labour.

It's been a long week

2005-06-23T15:08:00.000-04:00

... and it is not getting shorter yet.

I have been spending time with a good friend of mine as she and her family try to get everything taken care of for the viewing and service tonight.

Her mother died Monday night.

And there was the additional stress of trying to get the Army to grant her son leave so he could come home from Iraq for his grandmother's service and funeral.

So the service is tonight, but the funeral itself is not until next weekend because they wanted to make sure there was time for him to get back. They didn't want him to miss everything. If everything went as planned he should be on a transport now to arrive back in the states at some point tomorrow. It would be nice if he could be back for tonight, but it doesn't look good.

So I have a service to go to tonight.

Once I am back from the service, depending on the time, I will go back to getting ready for my trip this weekend. If it is too late, and I am not going to leave the service early, I will be spending tomorrow night getting ready to leave early Saturday morning.

I am looking forward to the trip, but first I need to make sure of how people are doing tonight.

Oh, and this is after not sleeping soundly the last couple of nights. I was doing good until then.

And No, I have not received the results of the sleep study yet. I guess I should go and call my doctor again while I am thinking of it.

Peace.

And a piece of advice: Let people know you care about them. You never know when they could be gone.

It's not always easy. I should know, I'm still working on it myself.

Quote of the Day(?)

2005-06-14T22:20:00.000-04:00

The temperature finally broke after 11 days of 30+C in a row. Since I don't have anything else which I feel like typing up right now I am going to mention something that I should have mentioned a while back.

A few years ago I started a quotation mailing list for myself and a couple of friends. It started out with 3 members, which is about what I expected. (It now has 51 members.) It slowly grew, and the service I was using got bought after a couple of years so I moved it to Yahoo Groups, where it has been since June 25, 2001.

The group is called "WyldWoods' Quote of the Day(?)". The question mark is there because I don't always get a quote sent every day, but I was sending about 25-28 a month. Then it lapsed for a while and over the last few months I was averaging about 10-15 a month.

I have now picked it back up and am running with it again. So far this month I have only missed one day. And since it is running again, I figured I would mention it here, let all of you know, and see if any of you want to join.

It is a low traffic group, only moderators can post, and there are only two of us. Myself and my brother who has covered for me when I am going to be away without computer access. There is at most one quote per day, and the occasional admin post, maybe 4 per year.

You can find it on Yahoo Groups at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WyldWoods-QotD/

And you can signup there and have the emails sent to any address associated with your Yahoo ID, which does not have to be a Yahoo Mail address.

Or if you prefer you can subscribe, or unsubscribe by email using the following addresses: ("encoded" to prevent spam harvesting)

Subscribe: WyldWoods-QotD-subscribe(at)yahoogroups(dot)com
Unsubscribe: WyldWoods-QotD-unsubscribe(at)yahoogroups(dot)com
List owner: WyldWoods-QotD-owner(at)yahoogroups(dot)com

We now return you to your irregularly scheduled blog.

The Sleep Study

2005-06-11T23:22:00.000-04:00

Some of you are probably wondering how the sleep study went. Others are probably wondering what it was. The majority are probably thinking "Who cares?" Well, too bad. I'm going to tell you about it anyway.

I got to the hospital about 8:00 Thursday night for my appointment and ended up sitting in the waiting room for twenty minutes or so before the technicians came out to get me. And then I ended up sitting in the clinic for about an hour while they got everything ready and dealt with the other two people there for studies. Good thing I brought a book.

After the others were done it was my turn to get changed and get wired up for bed. This meant putting on the shorts I brought to sleep in and then sitting and listening to the tech tell me about the study and about what causes sleep apnea. Then they started attaching the electrodes.

However, before the could attach the electrodes they had to clean the areas.

I tried not to be offended at the implication.

They had this scrub they used to clean the areas. I guess it is specially formulated to breakdown and remove all the oils, etc. from the skin. The real problem I had with it was that it was abrasive. VERY abrasive. The spots on my scalp that they scrubbed are still a little tender today.

After scrubbing the spots and making them tender it was time to glue on the electrodes, two on my legs, five on my scalp and in my hair, one on my forehead, each cheek, behind each ear, beside each eye, and one of each side of my chest. I think that covers all of them. Oh, and there were two belts wrapped around my torso.

Each of these had a long wire coming from it and attached to a control box hanging beside the bed. Plus there was another control box attached to one of the belts which was connected to the first box via a cable. A short cable. (This will come into play in a moment.)

Once all the wires were attached they asked if I wanted to go to sleep then or if I wanted to read some more. Since I couldn't put my glasses back on with a couple of the electrodes in the way, I decided to try to sleep. It was about 11:00 or 11:30 by this time

The hospital bed was smaller than a twin and it was uncomfortable. I am used to a queen sized bed that is (in my opinion) quite comfortable. This wasn't looking good.

So I lay there for half an hour or so before managing to fall asleep. And then I woke up quite suddenly during the night. I guess that will happen when you go to roll over and something stops you unexpectedly.

Remember that cable I said was short? When I rolled over in my sleep I found out just how short it was. Not quite long enough for me to roll onto my side. So when I tried during the night I had this cable holding me back and the sudden shock of the pulling woke me up.

Once I realized what had happened I hit the call button and asked the technician what time it was and if i could get up then. He said it was 3:30, and no. I had to be monitored for a minimum of 6 hours.

After trying to get comfortable again, and failing miserably, I managed to get back to sleep about half an hour or an hour later.

And then at 5:30 they woke me up said that we had to get out because another clinic used the space during the day and would be showing up by 6:30.

It seemed to take hours for them to get all the wires off so I could move around (and head for the toilet) but they probably had it done in about 15 minutes.

After that I did what I had to do. I washed up. I got dressed. And I left. And I still had left over paste in my hair from the electrodes on my scalp.

So I headed home for a hot shower, and it was only hot so that it would get rid of the last of the paste and glue that all the electrodes were attached with. Leaving only the tenderness and sore spots behind.

They told me that my doctor and I would have the results in a week or so. i am just hoping that all the issues caused by the small, uncomfortable bed, and having all the attached wires which kept me from moving, and woke me up, don't skew the results and make them think there are problems that aren't there.

I mean I felt so miserable when I left. Lack of sleep. Being rudely awoken twice. I was exhausted and felt like I hadn't slept at all.

However, the next night I slept in my own bed, and slept better than I had in months. I slept for about 10 hours and woke up refreshed and ready to go.

And I had a good day.

Short post now...

2005-06-09T01:19:00.000-04:00

... the longer one will have to wait. Although it will not be tomorrow (or should I say tonight at this point) since I will be spending the night at the hospital.

It is time for the sleep study my doctor is sending me for. She wants to find out what they can about the sleep problems I have been having. And there is a chance I have Sleep Apnea. I guess we are going to find out. Although I will find out a bit before you guys do.

In the meantime you will have to wait a little bit longer to find out more about Rites. Or you could read some more about it on Journey's LiveJournal Page where she is talking about her experiences. She knows what I have hinted at, but don't expect her to talk about it. You'll have to come back here to get that info.

...

I have to start writing these things earlier in the evening s I have time to write more.

Until then,
Peace and Pleasant Dreams.

Rites of Spring 2005 :: Part 2

2005-06-05T23:51:00.000-04:00

Although I felt like crap at the beginning [Editor: See Part 1] things shifted as I spent more time there.

Even though I know it is still there lurking in the background I felt like I had pulled completely out of my depression. I still feel good even after a couple of days back at work.

It was good spending time with good friends, and getting to know people better.

There were a couple of things that made my spirit soar.

I want to tell you all about it, but I am not going to just yet. But I will say that my heart is singing, and you should be glad that it is only my heart.

For now, I'm going to sleep, something that has also been doing better since Rites.

Rites of Spring 2005 :: Part 1

2005-06-01T23:08:00.000-04:00

Let me start by transcribing the entry I wrote on Tuesday (5/24) while I was at Rites. I wrote it in the Dining Hall around 9:50PM.

It's the second day and I feel like crap.

Yesterday we arrived to find out that the campsite is in the middle of a dispute with the town. Thus the town is clamping down on the camp, checking all permits, reinspecting all buildings, generally doing everything in their power to cause pain to the camp owners.

Since I don't know the history of the dispute, except that the camp has not done necessary repairs and upgrades for years, I am not going to take sides. Just observe that it is causing us no end of problems and headaches so far. The biggest one so far being that the cabins had not been inspected by the time we arrived. Although by late last night enough had passed that we could house the hundred that are here.

Of course we aren't sure about housing for the 400 more who should be arriving tomorrow.

But back to last night...

After we unloaded my truck into our cabin I had to move it [Editor: my truck, not the cabin] into long-term parking since it won't be moving again until we pack to leave on Monday.

While walking back from the lot I stopped to watch a deer. He was grazing and munching on twigs just off the road I was walking. When he moved I moved with him, following along on the road. By the end I was standing about 12-15 feet from him. All told, I watched and followed him for almost 20 minutes.

It was a beautiful thing and kicked me out of my depression for a while.

Today wasn't so good. I was on the verge of collapse all day. About two thirds of that was physical, the other third being emotional.

The emotional collapse was things triggering the depression at the same time I was dealing with seeing people who mean a lot to me that I only get to see here. And, of course, seeing one of my stalkers didn't help. [Editor: I'll cover this another time if there is interest.]

The physical issues were brought on by all the work helping to setup the camp, and by having my bloodsugar crash at least 3 times today. They were all fairly minor crashes and I was able to control it but it still takes a lot out of me.

It is getting harder and harder to hold a pen and write this in my notebook right now. (My carpal tunnel as it were) Therefore I am going to put the pen down and pay more attention to the Bardic Circle going on at the other end of the hall.

It doesn't hurt that the next up is my good friend Rev of Sol Dog [Editor: buy their CD at CD Baby (US) or Bärchen Records (Germany)]

Peace.

More to come.

He returns!

2005-05-30T22:43:00.000-04:00

I'm back from Rites of Spring and will resume my regular [read: sporadic] posting schedule as soon as I have showered and slept.

I only wrote out one post while I was there, but I will have much to say I am sure. The whole thing did wonderful thing for me and my mood. [Editor: for once there is no sarcasm in that statement.]

In the meantime let me leave you with some words from the band Spirit of the West:

You'll have to forgive me, I'm not at my best.
I've been gone for a week, I've been drunk since I left.
This so called vacation will soon be my death
I'm so sick from the drink I need home for a rest.

Until then...

I should really be asleep

2005-05-22T23:16:00.000-04:00

It is not like I have to get up and go to work in the morning. Instead I am getting up even earlier and driving for 3 hours.

I am off work for the week and am going to Rites Of Spring and will not be back until next Monday, May 30. So don't expect much out of me until then.

Actually, don't expect anything out of me at all until then. We will be at a campsite and I will not have access to a computer. I could have access to a phone, but I am going to try to avoid it. There is one payphone on the 90-acre site and only a couple of small spots that have any cell phone service.

It will be good to get away even though I am not ready.

I am mostly packed, everything that can be packed before the morning, but that is not what I mean. I feel like Rites is still about a month away. I'm hoping this changes by the morning or it could be a rude awakening when I get there. This can happen when you go to a spiritual pagan gathering if you aren't ready for it.

I'll let you know how it went when I get back.

Oh, and for those who might notice, my sister flew up from Tucson, AZ and is going as well.

Quick post

2005-05-18T23:42:00.000-04:00

So far the sleeping pill doesn't seem to be doing much to help me get to sleep. It has been helping me sleep better, and deeper, but that is not necessarily a good thing on its own.

If I don't get to sleep any earlier but still sleep deeper I can, and have, end up sleeping through my alarm clocks. Yes, plural. I currently have multiple set for staggered times. I figure this way there is less of a chance of me sleeping through all of them and being very late for work.

I am trying to find the best time to take the pill. It's all trial and error at this point.

Next time I'll try to start writing earlier so I have time for a real post.

Between the sleeping pill and bed

2005-05-16T23:19:00.000-04:00

I had an appointment with my doctor, a followup on some diabetic blood sugar issues I was having. We talked about everything that's been going on: diabetes, depression, insomnia... Each of these seems to affect the others causing a never ending spiral.

Well, it's time to break the cycle. We talked about which of the issues we were going to start with and decided to try starting with the sleep problems.

So now I have another pill to take daily. Trazodone. It has a sedative effect and should help me get to sleep at a reasonable time. Apparently it is also a mild anti-depressant when taken in larger doses, although it is rarely used that way these days. It is mainly used as a sleep aid because it doesn't have the same dependence problems that often develop with sleeping pills.

We'll see how it goes. And I'll let you know of course.

I'd write more, but I already took the pill for tonight and really have to get offline and into bed. But before I do that, my sister is on IM and I want to talk with her for a bit. I told her I'd be back in a bit when we talked briefly while I was in the middle of this post.

Peace and pleasant dreams.

Does he think that looks good?

2005-05-13T12:13:00.000-04:00

Why do people do things like that to their vehicles? And why do it in such a way that half the vehicle's usefulness is destroyed?

Case in point...

I was driving home and found myself behind a Hummer H2 that had been customized. "Blinged" as the kids say.

It had been painted metallic black and every accessory and accent piece on it was painted gold. The door handles, the hitch, the tow shackles, parts of the bumpers, the mirrors and the rims. Spinner rims at that.

And it wasn't just gold, it was some kind of matte gold. So the black shone while the gold accents just kind of sat there.

But it didn't stop there. They also put on low-profile street tires and had lowered the whole thing.

A lowered Hummer with street tires?

It was lowered to such an extent that it might have scraped going over speed bumps.

Did I mention that the whole thing looked like it had never had a speck of dust on it, let alone any really dirt or mud?

I couldn't help but wonder "Why do this to a Hummer H2?" They look like a brick on wheels to start. Now it looked like a lowered brick with a tacky paint job. They had taken the Hummer style away and turned it into a vehicle which didn't look like it could stand up to a gravel driveway. Forget taking it off-road.

I guess they just like the 8 miles per gallon gas mileage it gets.

Cinco De Mayo

2005-05-05T22:00:00.000-04:00

I hate loud bars. Or at least I hate one particular type of loud bar. I was reminded of this as I stopped to eat after work tonight.

What I have a problem with are bars where the din is deafening and all the noise is from people talking, or should I say yelling, back and forth. This is what I had to deal with tonight.

Everyone in the bar was yelling to be heard by the others at their tables. this meant that people at nearby tables felt they had to talk that much louder. And thus another vicious circle was born.

Even after half the bar had cleared out the volume barely dropped. It dropped just enough to be able to hear that the bar also had the volume up on the TVs for the commentary on the NBA playoffs. AND they were blaring good Cinco De Mayo music over the PA. [Editor: Music like "Word Up" and "Rock Me Amadeus"]

The guy threatening to strip in order to get a string of beads from a waitress was a bit much and a lovely topper to the evening.

...

And let me say in closing that Comcast sucks! However, if they screw up enough, and you get mad enough, and you complain to the right people loudly enough, you can get decent service out of them. I'll put the details in a later post if there is any interest.

I'm tired and I ache

2005-05-03T16:48:00.000-04:00

I got a good night's sleep Friday night and then spent Saturday evening at Borders picking up a couple of books. I had gone looking for a couple of O'Reilly books. I only bought one of them though. The other one only seemed to have about 20 (out of 350+) pages which covered anything I was interested in. It was OK though, the coupon I had was only good for 30% off one of them anyway.

From there I went and met up with some people from work. One of them is in a band called Stout and the rest of us were going to listen to them play and generally support them.

It was a good show at a small venue. And it felt good to get out of the house. Especially since my depression was kicking in a bit in the days leading up to this. I was glad I got out of the house to go to Borders, making it to the show was just that much better.

The problems started later that night. After I got home I had a hard time sleeping. I was tossing and turning, and got less than 6 hours sleep.

Feeling very tired on Sunday, I still managed to make it through the day and felt wide awake by the evening. Of course I still felt wide awake that night, right through until I left for work Monday morning.

It is not easy to make it through a full day of work without having slept the night before. I think I managed, but I am not entirely sure. I know I came close to nodding off a few times.

Anyway, I made it to the end of the day and headed home. Windows down, cool wind whipping through the truck to keep me awake.

Once home I figured it would not be a good idea to cook something because of the very real possibility of burning the place if I fell asleep while it was still on the stove. So I ordered Chinese. And promptly nodded off in the living room while waiting for it to arrive and the again when I was through eating.

I woke up hours later, staggered to my room, and collapsed into the bed.

Waking up this morning I found I had slept through my alarms (I had set 4 at different times just to make sure) but somehow managed to make it to work without being TOO late.

Hopefully this will help straighten out my internal clock rather than screw it up further.

And even though I managed to shake off the last of the sleep which kept hanging on for the first few hours of work, I have not yet managed to shake the aches my body picked up from being that tired.

Any suggestions? (Other than the obvious "Get some sleep.")

Why would she say that?

2005-04-22T23:58:00.000-04:00

I don't know how long this will be since I got home later than I expected and I have to get up early in the morning (I hate having to do that on the weekend) for an eye exam. Probably get a new pair of glasses while I am at it. Especially since my coverage will pay for the lenses and most of the cost of the frames as well.

Anyway...

I was in Borders Books tonight and was checking out some CDs while I was there. While I was checking out the Spoken Word section one of the clerks walked by, looked at me and said "If you are looking for the new CD from the Blue Collar Tour guy, it is at the front of the store." Then she walked off.

I was thrown by it for a second wondering why she would assume I was looking for that CD. I don't even know who she was talking about. Granted I watched both of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour movies and know who all four of the guys are, but she didn't say which one it was and I haven't paid attention to CD releases from any of them.

So why did she say it?

OK, I was a big guy wearing jeans and work boots.

OK, I was wearing an old work shirt, open and untucked, over a plain t-shirt.

OK, I was wearing a woodland camo bandana as a do-rag to keep my hair out of the way. (You can look at this picture to see how much hair it had to deal with.)

But even with all that she had no way to know that I was a country boy who spent a lot of time in my younger years working on my grandparent's (and uncle's) farms. Helping with the harvest in the vegetable fields and the orchard. Not to mention the time I spent bailing hay.

The thing is I was holding two CDs when she said it. One was classical music and the other was Monty Python.

Although I do have to admit, even though I work as a web developer, which I guess is a white collar job, I am more of a blue collar person after all.

Night, y'all.

No more putting it off

2005-04-19T20:56:00.000-04:00

So I have problems. And they are worse than I want to admit. I am still coming to terms with some of it and have not talked about much or it. What I have talked about I have only discussed with a handful of people. My doctor, my chosen family, a couple of close friends and, as of two days ago, my mother.

I knew I had some physical problems. These include: diabetes, gout, bad knees, carpal tunnel, ... And recently I found out that my brain is out of whack as well.

To be precise, I was diagnosed as suffering from depression. I don't mean that I was feeling a little down. I mean I am suffering from depression. I have a chemical imbalance that is causing depression which has gotten bad enough that it is truly making me suffer.

While talking to my doctor about this there was a list we went over. "If you answer yes to three out of the following ten items..."

Nine.

I answered yes to nine out of ten.

One of the effects of all this is that I have lost my motivation. For pretty much everything. Even more so for things that I don't like doing. [Editor: Like writing this post or admitting how bad the depression has gotten.]

...

Of course these issues don't stop with depression. They also continue along to compulsive behaviour. Not major behaviours, but several of them. Mainly they take the form of "nervous habits". Ticks and twitches. Bouncing my leg while seated. Arm and hand movements.

Maybe not enough to notice unless you are looking for it. Or if you are there all the time, like I am. And the more I try to control it, the worse it gets. [Editor: Which reminds me, there will be a later post on Control.]

To top it off (for now) I have a "mood disorder". Which is just a polite way of saying that my emotions are screwed up, too.

Most of the time I am fine. Well, as fine as I can be with everything else I have already covered. But there are times when my emotions get... heightened. And when this happens I either end up sobbing or in a rage. Which way it goes depends on what is happening at the time. If something makes me angry, like drivers in and around Boston, the rage takes hold. Otherwise I'll be sobbing. Probably because even if their is nothing else right then, there is always the depression lurking around.

...

I just reread this entry and I have to say that, relatively speaking, I didn't really say much. And I kept what I did say relatively unemotional and restrained. But that was so that I could get through it.

I should say that I have been trying to keep from having this journal get too dark and depressed, but screw that. I am depressed and this is my journal. It is going to reflect me. That is just how it is. I will try to throw in some more fun stories from my past when I can, but you will get what you get. I am writing this as something I can enjoy doing and it is turning out to be a form of therapy for me.

Hope you understand.

Feel free to leave comments, I read all of them. Or send me email at journal(at)wyldwoods.net. which I have sent up specifically for this purpose.

Drinking with the Vikings

2005-04-18T23:47:00.000-04:00

As you might be able to tell I have been putting off writing "the entry" again. I am still coming to grips with it myself and have only talked to about five or six people about it. I have only recently talked to my mother about it. However, it is still coming. Eventually.

In the meantime, I still owe you a post about the first weekend of this month. So that's what I have come to write tonight.

I have a group of Asatru friends. They make up Hammer Kindred, based out of Connecticut. A couple of times a year they have a Viking Party. These parties involve some role-playing as they are set around 750 C.E. and everyone is required to wear appropriate garb and take on a period persona. Mine is Bjarni.

The first of these parties this year, and the first one I have been to due to limited space and therefore invitations, was held April 2nd. There were a few anachronisms, like the digital camera, but as few as possible. All phones are turned off, and the only lighting is from candles or lanterns. Get the idea?

Anyway, there was a great deal of mead which I hit quite hard. My drinking was early and often, just like voting.

And just like voting, all the results were not pleasant. Let me transcribe one of the conversations I had later in the night. I think I had this conversation with Ragnar but it night have been Starkad. Actually it could have been any of the Vikings...

Viking: Bjarni, you alright over there?

Me: Not good.

Viking: What do you need?

Me: **YARCH**

Viking: A bucket, got it.

At least it happened outside. My thanks go out to Ulf and Ragnar for everything. Including the bucket and hose.

I also need to thank Starkad and Magnus for their help, which mainly consisted of helping me get around. Since I am 6 foot 5 and over 300 pounds, it occasionally took both of them to support me once my legs turned to rubber.

You can read a couple other comments about the party here and here. Or you can check out some pictures.

One quick word of warning...

If you are ever drinking with Vikings, and have already been drinking pretty heavy, you probably want to sit out when they start the drinking games.

Did anyone get the number of that truck?

2005-04-07T23:26:00.000-04:00

I hate being sick. And yet, that's what I've been lately.

Last week I was sick enough that I ended up missing two days of work.* I spent those days in bed, trying to get whatever it was out of my system. This was the first time since 1998 that I have missed two consecutive days of work due to illness.

Since then I have been rundown and been fighting a bad sinus cold. It let up a bit over the weekend, which let me travel to Connecticut for a get together in Norwalk. But I'll post more about that in a later entry.

This week I have been extremely rundown again. Partly because of the weekend, but mostly because the sinus cold has kicked into gear again. And it has also settled into my chest as well.

I don't know. There's something about being able to breathe properly, or at all, that helps put some pep in your step.

* Well, not really "missing" work, but you know what I mean.

Easter thoughts and memories

2005-03-27T17:33:00.000-05:00

[Editor: This post has been backdated to the time and date that it was written originally as opposed to time it is being transcribed. The same goes for the mention of my location.]

A lot of places I expected to be open today are closed. But then again, there are places that are open today that I was sure would be closed. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. I passed two CVS pharmacies today, one was open, the other wasn't.

How are those of us who don't celebrate Easter supposed to figure it out?

A Little Background

I grew up in a Protestant family and we celebrated Easter and all the other holidays. However, I tended to take after my father who was not a religious man, although he was very spiritual. I was too young to realize this at the time, but it is very obvious when I look back at it.

Anyway, as I went through my later teen years things always seemed to come up around Easter. One year I had the flu, another I sprained my ankle, another I came close to breaking my knee.

This culminated the year I was 21. That year my father died Easter weekend. To be a bit more specific, he would not wake up Thursday morning (one day before Good Friday) and was declared dead that night.

We mourned through the weekend and had the memorial service first thing after the holiday, on Tuesday.

Since then I have only been to (if I remember correctly) two Easter dinners. I usually worked if I had a job which needed someone those days, and spent it alone otherwise. Like today...

I am at Chili's in an almost empty bar. Then I will either head into the woods for a while or find some other quiet place.

Anyone feel like sharing their own Easter memories, good or bad, in the comments?

A filler post

2005-03-27T03:34:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to compose an entry, a specific entry, for a few days now and I have gotten nowhere with it. I think I have been trying too hard and thinking about it too much. So I am putting it aside and posting something else.

I recently found a book I wrote in for a while and thought I would share one of the entries from it:

I am on top of Blue Hill. I was in Boston earlier, but even though I had intended to walk around the city I found myself unable to stay. I did not feel comfortable. The city felt even more "off" than usual. With the way I have been feeling lately, I could not see myself wandering around through that many people today.

So I came here.

Not intentionally, at least not at first. My first intention was to get out of the city. I think I was going to go shopping, but as I left the city, and after eating, I decided to come here.

On the way up the hill I stopped at my usual spot and stood a couple of stones. I'm glad I did because while I was doing it I was focusing everything on the act and the stones. When I walked away I felt lighter and completely exhausted.

It was like I put a lot of the things that have been pressing down on me into the rocks. I know that I have too much in my past and present to say that I left my problems behind, but it feels like I have put some of them aside for a time.

So while I feel lighter, I also feel tired. There was the physical exertion, but more than that...

In a way the problems have been what's been driving me. I have been going around, going nowhere, doing nothing, to avoid the issues. By putting them aside I have freed myself to slow down and rest. And as soon as I started to slow down I could feel how tired I've been.

I wrote this in August of 1999 but, thinking back on the feelings I was going through, it could have been written yesterday.

Actually, I'm not sure it could have been written yesterday since things have gotten worse. More about that in the entry I have stopped trying to write. I stopped trying to write it and will be sitting down soon to just go ahead and write it.

For my friends in North America, I hope you don't see this until at least the morning because you are sleeping. Someone should be.

Peace.

A Celebrity Viewpoint

2005-03-26T18:49:00.000-05:00

"Frist" Posted by: wilwheaton

Wil Wheaton (yes, that Wil Wheaton) posted this picture on Buzznet and used it to express his views on the Terri Schiavo situation.

Worth a visit in my opinion. And this is from someone who thought he had heard MORE than enough about this whole thing. Don't expect me to post any more about this, I surprised myself by posting this much about it.

Peace.

Another late night entry

2005-03-19T03:32:00.000-05:00

3:30am and I am too tired to sleep. Too tired to write as well, but it is easier to force myself to type than to sleep. I also wanted to get something down while I was thinking about it:

The thought occurred to me today that I felt ... not good but a bit better than I have lately when I was stressed about work, etc. I think the problems and stress gave me something to focus on and kept me from realizing how bad I was really doing.

So even though I feel worse now I am in a better position to attempt to deal with the real issues and maybe even work them through.

And I still have hope. Actually, "still" might not be the best word to use. I feel like I should almost say I once again have hope. I have a lot of hope that I will eventually feel better. It is not always easy to hold onto that hope, but I am doing my best.

How do people do it?

2005-03-17T23:10:00.000-05:00

Millions of people living what would be considered a "normal" life. Working, living, loving, having children, raising families... And to all appearances being happy.

I know I am not the only one who feels the way I do, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like I am.

...

I can't do this right now...

Sleeping "Habits"?

2005-03-15T23:44:00.000-05:00

I'm hoping to be asleep soon but I am not tired yet. I was getting in bed but I couldn't lay still so I got up and figured I'd write something while waiting for the sleeping pill to kick in.

I have been dealing with these sleep problems for quite a while now and my doctor gave me a prescription to help me sleep. I don't take it every night, only when it gets too bad and I NEED to get a night's sleep. The last time I took one was weeks ago. Now it is time again.

I have gotten no more than 5 hours sleep a night for the past week or two. I say no more than 5 hours but it has probably been averaging a little under 4 real hours of sleep. That is not enough.

Luckily I only have to make it through tomorrow and then I have some time off work. I booked this Thursday and Friday off work at the start of January. Little did I know how timely it would be.

Of course there are times I get more sleep. There are days on the weekend when I can't seem to do anything but sleep. I get to sleep about 2-3AM, wakeup about noon and manage to climb out of bed around 3PM.

I don't like this. It pretty much kills off my weekend. There's not much you can do when you are in bed for most of the day and don't feel up to being in a crowded bar at night. I've been trying to change this and get into a reasonable sleep pattern seven days a week. I'm sure I'll let you know how it goes.

For now, let try climbing into bed again and see how that sleeping pill is working now.

Peace and Pleasant Dreams to all.

That'll wake you up

2005-03-09T18:58:00.000-05:00

As you should all know by now, I have trouble sleeping. Sometimes the lack of sleep will pile up to a point where I fall asleep whenever / wherever I happen to be. This is usually at home with the lights / TV / CD / whatever still on.

If I feel tired I'll turn all that off and turn in to try to sleep. If not, I try to do something to tire myself out. And in the cases where it is my mind keeping me up, too many thoughts racing around, I'll turn on the TV because as we all know turning on a TV will turn off the brain. The "Sleep" feature on TVs is a great thing. (That's the feature where it turns itself off after a set amount of time.) I'll the timer for when I should be asleep and let it, and myself, go. If I am still awake when the set turns off I'll either reset it or try something else.

A few days ago I fell asleep like that, but apparently I left a candle burning as well. It was one of those supermarket glass candles, sometimes known as a seven-day or advent candle. There wasn't much left in this one.

So around 5AM I was woken up by a rather loud bang. It didn't take long to figure out where the noise came from. While the candle was burning the last of its wax the flame was burning directly on the bottom of the jar. This caused the glass to overheat and eventually explode.

I got up and checked around. The candle had gone out as the jar exploded. There were no flames anywhere. There wasn't even any wax anywhere, not even where the candle had been standing. Apparently it had waited until the flame had burned the last drop of wax before exploding. Very considerate I think.

Since the glass was confined to one small (and safe) area, I went back to bed and waited until I was fully awake in the morning before cleaning it up.

Usually I stick to tea lights if the candle could be burning after I fall asleep, you don't have to worry about the metal cup, and this was a good reminder of why.

But, all in all, I still got a good night's sleep that night. One of only two that I have gotten in the past couple of weeks.

Ghost Stories

2005-03-07T18:53:00.000-05:00

On Friday Scaryduck posted his Haunted Holiday story, describing a ghostly encounter he and his family had. This has inspired me to write about our "ghost."

I share a house with some friends, however the residents of the house have changed a lot since my friends first moved in. The following was first noticed by the original crew before I moved in, but is still brought up once in a while to this day.

A while after my friends moved in they started to notice something, and they called this something "The Ghost."

The Ghost was never (that I know of) seen in person but would often show up in photographs. The photos were usually, but not always, ones that had been taken when there were a lot of people gathered in the living room. Not that it means anything, but when The Ghost showed up in pictures certain people would often say "I thought something was going on in that room" but they never said anything while the pictures were being taken.

The Ghost would appear as a floating apparition, a cloud, mist, or somesuch. The same "certain people" referenced above would often point to the cloud and start pointing out features. An eye here. A hint of a face. A dress. It made for an interesting Rorschach Test, but it was rare that there was anything recognizable in The Ghost, even with someone tried desperately to point them out.

No one ever seemed to notice that the more people, and indeed the more smokers, in the area at the time, the more likely The Ghost would make an appearance. But only if the pictures were taken using a camera with a flash. You see where this is going don't you...

I am convinced that The Ghost was a reflection of the flash off the smoke in the room. I am even more convinced after looking at some of the pictures again. [Editor:Unfortunately I don't have any in digital format at the moment, and we don't have a scanner, or I would post them. I'll see if I can't get one or two posted later though.] Of course, other people don't want to hear this. They want to believe there is an actual ghost in the house.

Let me just finish by saying I don't disbelieve in ghosts. I just don't believe that is what it was in this case.